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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

999 replies

notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 09:48

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you Sad

OP posts:
IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 09/08/2021 20:16

Unless you have serious financial problems you should pay double the cost of your own food and drink in order to part pay for others. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Ladywinesalot · 09/08/2021 20:17

You’re right not to speak out when not drinking alcohol

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 09/08/2021 20:18

Oh and op, if a 'good night' can only be had by you subsidising their alcohol consumption then they are not your friends, they are using you.

rooarsome · 09/08/2021 20:18

I can't believe the cheek of some people. OP, YANBU.
Excuse me whilst I find my Pom poms

OnPaper · 09/08/2021 20:19

To be fair, tttigress seems to have a long posting history so not a new poster or even a NC.
Unless of course Birthday Girl or one of her friends are long standing MNers but surely they would have NC for outing reasons.

whynotwhatknot · 09/08/2021 20:23

Hope you havent known herlong op

BG youre a rude twat

Martyitsyourkids · 09/08/2021 20:27

Well done OP 👏 YANBU
And as pp have said, this isn't about financial state, its about not funding others night out!

BedknobsNoBroomsticks · 09/08/2021 20:27

When I go out for a meal I always expect to pay for myself whether I had a £6 burger or a £20 steak. Why should others expect to be paid for.

LidlMiddleLover · 09/08/2021 20:29

As it was a birthday I would have just split some people have starters or extras or puddings or coffees so paying your own is a pain

LouHotel · 09/08/2021 20:31

Give me a C, give me a H, give me an E......

Seriously waiting for BG to post as to why OP is BU...what do you call a group of cheeky fuckers?

MurielSpriggs · 09/08/2021 20:39

@LouHotel

Give me a C, give me a H, give me an E......

Seriously waiting for BG to post as to why OP is BU...what do you call a group of cheeky fuckers?

Her Majesty's Government?
DrGoogleSaysSo · 09/08/2021 20:43

@Winemewhynot

Well splitting the bill would have cost you twenty quid but refusing to split has cost you a friendship.

Sometimes you just have to look at the bigger picture, sounds like you embarrassed the birthday girl infront of her friends. Don’t think I’d have behaved like you at a birthday party with people I didn’t know for the sake of twenty quid.

@Winemewhynot are you the birthday girl?

I wouldn't consider stingy freeloaders friends anyway. Good riddance!

DrManhattan · 09/08/2021 20:44

I can't get over the amount of people too scared to say no to paying for other people. What's all that about ?

itsgettingwierd · 09/08/2021 20:51

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

Oh and op, if a 'good night' can only be had by you subsidising their alcohol consumption then they are not your friends, they are using you.
Sums it's up perfectly
billy1966 · 09/08/2021 20:52

OP,

Gosh, how hilarious to try and be offended for the OP not accepting the birthday girl's attempt to be tight, tacky and so very rude.

Only mean, shabby people try and get others to pay their bill.

Boorish enough to try it, but to then try and take offence at the OP rightly not accepting it.

Wow!🙄

Birthday girl is churlish, and crass personified and should take a good hard look at herself.

Who goes to a restaurant with 5 other people and receive nice service, yet doesn't leave a tip, but tries to screw the non drinker in the party, for a full share of the bill?

I hope the OP realises exactly the uncouth company she was keeping, and appreciates she has had a narrow escape.🙄

Hyacinth88 · 09/08/2021 20:54

This happened to me once with work colleagues.
I was late and. Just had a main course and 1 coke They had drinks in the bar added to the bill. Lots of expensive wine.. More drinks after the meal. Irish coffees.
They mostly had 3 courses
I ended up paying £53 for a £12 main courses and £2 coke.
Never again

Hydrate · 09/08/2021 20:54

OP wasn't saying anything personal against the group but seems the group cannot simply say "oh, no problem" they complain.

notacooldad · 09/08/2021 20:55

Really? Didn't know that was the form, to say 'I'm not splitting the bill today
We tend to when we are out. It's no big deal tbh.

Feelingmardy · 09/08/2021 20:55

The BG and her friends should not have expected you to split the bill. They should have offered to pay for their own alcohol rather than expect you to sub them. If they are embarrassed about this then they need to take responsibility and acknowledge that they have embarrassed themselves. If they did not have a good night because you would not pay for their alcohol then there is something seriously wrong with them.

lavieengris · 09/08/2021 20:57

The OP shouldn't have suggested not splitting the bill...

...because one of the drinkers should have noticed and suggested it first.

I prefer to split the bill where possible, as it's just easier to do, but if someone in the group has had a cheaper meal (e.g. not drinking, fewer courses, etc) then, of course, I do suggest that it might make sense for that person to throw in their share first, and we split what's left. Still keeps things fairly clean and simple, but it doesn't massively screw over someone.

Not fond of people who spend a lot on food and drink and don't leave a tip unless the service is poor.

ejhhhhh · 09/08/2021 20:59

YANBU at all. I know if me and my friends are out and one of us isn't drinking we always take the cost of the alcohol off the bill before splitting it. For them not to acknowledge you'd spent less, and then to be "upset" that you wouldn't chip in for their alcohol, is very unreasonable. They're not good people, they're just users, and your friend was very very rude. You don't need friends like this.

Katypyee · 09/08/2021 21:01

I no longer live in the UK. When we eat out the servers ask if we want individual bills. It is so easy for them to do this. Then everybody gets their own bill and pays the server plus a tip. Then people can order what they like and pay for it. If we are paying for the birthday person's meal too, the server splits it between us and adds it to our individual bills, or one person pays for the birthday person's meal on top of their bill, and we pay that person our share afterwards.

When I lived in the UK we would more often than not just split the bill equally. However, if somebody hadn't been drinking, we would not expect that person to pay for the alcohol.

I recall once going out to a steak and seafood place (I am vegetarian). I ate the pasta (only veggie option) and was not drinking as was pregnant. When the bill came they wanted to split it equally and all chip in for the birthday person's meal. I spoke up and made clear I was not drinking and my meal had been £x rather than £xxx and would be paying my own share, plus my portion of the birthday person' meal, plus a tip. I made sure I had paid at least £5 more on top of all that to cover a service charge/and tight people who do not tip (like Birthday Girl and her cronies). Never, would I pay a vast amount more than I had ordered to just appease the greedy people. A few quid more, then sure, but any more than that you are just taking the p*ss.

Welshiefluff · 09/08/2021 21:08

YANBU

Perhaps the friends were a bit pissed by then and forgot you were only drinking soft drinks. But it should not have caused tension, after you spoke up they should have all been understanding and agreed it was not fair.

I was on a hen do a few years back with some lasses and bride who all earned a lot more than me. I had the cheapest meal and two non alcoholic drinks and they all knew I was in a low paying job. At the end of the meal when the bill turned up one proudly stated that the hen did not have to pay and the rest of us were splitting the bill evently. So I was expected to subsidise both the bride and the other hens more expensive meals and drinks even though they made at least twice as much money as me.

The flash cows they were they were passing their cash down the table like confetti. Without wanting to cause a fuss I casually passed down an amount that paid for my bill and a few pounds tip and said no more. The hen that made the announcement had no way of working out who underpaid and put it down to a drunken mistake. The bride offered to make up the shoftfall but loudmouth clearly did not want to lose face and had to pay the difference.

I felt zero guilt.

whynotwhatknot · 09/08/2021 21:11

In some places ive actually seen a notice stating no individual bills-highly annoying but more work for them to work out if everyone has paid correctly

notacooldad · 09/08/2021 21:15

The OP shouldn't have suggested not splitting the bilk..

...because one of the drinkers should have noticed and suggested it first
Dont be daft. People need to take responsibility for tbemselves. In a group situation once I'm eating and chatting I'm not keeping an eye on what everyone else is drinking.
Theres nothing wrong with saying as you sit down 'ok, I'm looking at paying my own tab tonight, I dont know if anyone wants to do the same?'

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