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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

999 replies

notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 09:48

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you Sad

OP posts:
Immaculatemisconception · 09/08/2021 19:09

They are massive CFs @notonyournelleee both for expecting you to pay for their booze and for making a thing of it after.

I would have done the same as you.

Ninkanink · 09/08/2021 19:11

They had a good night, and they paid for their good night. Like normal, non-CFers do!

Squiggymoms · 09/08/2021 19:17

Of course you're not being unreasonable. Why should you pay for their alcohol? Were you driving too and being a taxi?

Fieldsofstars · 09/08/2021 19:21

‘ 'I've seen your thread. I can't believe you'd do this! We just wanted a good night. Never mind, enjoy your anonymous cheerleaders!’

Lol what a bitch.
Ungrateful and entitled too. It’s not much of a loss op don’t feel bad.

nonevernotever · 09/08/2021 19:21

YAsoNBU As a vegetarian non-drinker who usually just drinks water with a meal and doesn't have pudding I am resigned to always paying over the odds for my meal. I don't mind paying a little more, but not more than double. These days I would feel confident to say,but in the past really didn't. Worst occasion was a work Christmas meal thirty years ago where I ended up paying an extra £79 on top of the £15 cost of my meal. a lot of it was alcohol (they were knocking back Irish coffees after the wine) but not all- here was only one veggie starter (melon) and two main course choices (both tofu) Am I still bitter? You bet I am! It's interesting how few people will comment and suggest I put in a bit less. Most people don't even seem to notice

Fiddliestofsticks · 09/08/2021 19:21

But they had a good night?

I dont understand why paying for their own alcohol means they didnt have a good night?

They ordered it. They knew the price. I would never expect a friend to pay double what they consumed just because I wanted something considerably more expensive.

It totally depends on your group whether or not you would all pay for the birthday woman, if you would normally pay for her then I would of course have paid my share of her split. But if you dont normally pay for the birthday person then I dont see her problem. She got the night she wanted, chose the food she wanted and had the drinks she wanted. You then all split the hill fairly. The non drinkers should always pay less/only for what they ordered.

Darbs76 · 09/08/2021 19:22

They are out of order. We always knock off money for the person who had no alcohol. So work out their meal and soft drink and just tell them to pay that or say you pay £10/20 less depending how much was drunk. We would never expect a non drinker to pay the same. I don’t drink much these days, I would probably just pay if asked as I’m soft but I don’t think it’s appropriate to fully split if a lot of alcohol has been drunk. One glass maybe different

Heartofglass12345 · 09/08/2021 19:22

I don't understand splitting the bill, why should some pay more and other not pay enough?! I have always paid for my own food and drinks based on how much money I have!
I'm sure splitting the bill is something that people who have never had money worries do lol

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 09/08/2021 19:24

They're upset because you didn't want to pay towards their drinks.
Boo fucking hoo.
It's always the ones that order the most that are pro equal splits and so 'upset' if those that ordered less don't want to sub them.
Funny, that. 🙄

cittigirl · 09/08/2021 19:26

In my friendship groups, if someone isn't drinking, we take the alcohol off the bill then split it. Then add the alcohol back on iykwim. No hassle,unless we're drink and can't work it out 😂

Darbs76 · 09/08/2021 19:26

Just saw the birthday girl is reading this. From an anonymous cheerleader - it’s really unfair to ask a non drinker to pay a fair share of the bill. I’d never ask a friend to do that. You’re just hacked off as you’re in the wrong. Well no great loss of friendship. Ps not matter what a thank you for my gift wouldn’t go a miss

InFiveMins · 09/08/2021 19:27

YANBU and I'd be telling your friend exactly why. They are extremely rude expecting you to pay double when you didn't drink.

Darbs76 · 09/08/2021 19:28

@Heartofglass12345 - I guess so, sometimes it’s just easier when you’re drunk. It’s a bit of a pain sitting working it out. We either say non drinkers pay £10 or £20 less or we ask them to work their share out and deduct that from total and then split between those drinking. Totally unfair to expect those not drinking to pay for alcohol. I don’t ever work out my own cost, I’m not well off but also not short. But if the person who was with me wanted to do that I wouldn’t have a problem

Gingertam · 09/08/2021 19:29

I go out in a group of six regularly. One lady doesn't drink alcohol and we always split 5 ways and she just pays for her own. We would never expect her to pay for our (expensive) alcohol. To be honest I wouldn't reply and just wouldn't go out with them again it would make me really angry. Who needs friends like that.

tttigress · 09/08/2021 19:30

Unless you have serious financial problems, or the other people were ordering completely ridiculous drinks like extremely aged whiskey, I would say YABU.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 09/08/2021 19:32

@tttigress

Unless you have serious financial problems, or the other people were ordering completely ridiculous drinks like extremely aged whiskey, I would say YABU.
Why? How is it in any way acceptable to expect someone else to pick up your tab? Are people really so tacky?
cittigirl · 09/08/2021 19:34

@tttigress

Unless you have serious financial problems, or the other people were ordering completely ridiculous drinks like extremely aged whiskey, I would say YABU.
Why should she subsidise to the extent that's its double? The OP said she'd chip in an extra 5 or 10 which seems reasonable.
FunnyWonder · 09/08/2021 19:35

@tttigress oh hello Birthday Girl. Wondered when you'd turn upGrinGrin

DeflatedGinDrinker · 09/08/2021 19:35

Op they are bit your friends.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 09/08/2021 19:35

Not**

Eaumyword · 09/08/2021 19:36

I think this is one of those issues where each side will never see the other.
I would never let someone subsidise my choices to any extent. I'd be too embarrassed. Clearly something CF's don't suffer from!

DeflatedGinDrinker · 09/08/2021 19:36

Friends understand in those situations.

Ninkanink · 09/08/2021 19:36

@50ShadesOfCatholic yes, some people actually are that tacky.

Duchess379 · 09/08/2021 19:37

I'm with you on this. I'm not paying for my mates to down bottles of wine whilst I'm on the Pepsi's. And your mates are unfair to expect you to.

Killahangilion · 09/08/2021 19:37

Hello Birthday Girl

  1. Why haven’t you thanked OP for her present?
  1. Why didn’t you or your tight friends leave a tip?
  1. Why did you expect OP to subsidise you and your drinking buddies?
  1. How does it feel to be outed as a Cheeky Fucker on Mumsnet?