Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

999 replies

notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 09:48

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you Sad

OP posts:
ExpressDelivery · 09/08/2021 18:47

Hello birthday girl. What made you and your friends think OP shoukd pay for your "good night" ?

Does knowing you're taking advantage of someone ehance your enjoyment of an evening out?

tigger1001 · 09/08/2021 18:47

It's incredibly rude to expect someone to pay more than double what they ordered.

It won't be the first time I am very careful what I order as couldnt afford anything expensive. Bugger then paying for someone else's expensive tastes.

I would just reply saying well I can't believe you expected me to double my bill in order that you could have yours subsidised. Some friend....

Then block their numbers. Seriously if they are so upset that you didn't subside their night out they are not worth having as friends.

UnsuitableHat · 09/08/2021 18:48

Yanbu. Non drinkers shouldn’t be expected to pay towards alcohol even if the rest of the bill is split equally.

Lostinthemail · 09/08/2021 18:49

@notonyournelleee

The birthday girl has replied to say

'I've seen your thread. I can't believe you'd do this! We just wanted a good night. Never mind, enjoy your anonymous cheerleaders!'

I'm so Angry and haven't replied but I'm sure she will see this!!

Hi friend, You wanted a good time on someone else’s dime. Did you ask the OP to come so you and your friends could save a few bucks? You don’t deserve a friend like OP and I sure hope she gets wiser. And did you thank her for the present yet or are you not only tight and rude, but also ungrateful?
ShowMeTheSugar · 09/08/2021 18:50

Thats so rude. You're well shot of a grabby friend.

Coffeepot72 · 09/08/2021 18:50

I’m cheerleading too! Birthday Girl, you’re not very nice

StarryStarrySocks · 09/08/2021 18:51

Hi BirthdayGirl, I bet you won't forget the year you were gifted* your very own Mumsnet thread! Grin

OP, you were absolutely right not to split the bill. Enjoy spending your extra £15 on something nice.

*used ironically, gifted as a verb is my pet hate!

Happycow37 · 09/08/2021 18:52

How does saying at the beginning about splitting make it any better?

Is that to give the spongers an opportunity to limit their drinks because the OP won’t subsidise them? Would they still have drunk as much had they known she wasn’t chipping in an even chunk of the bill?

Kell0710 · 09/08/2021 18:52

I would never expect anyone to sub my alcohol when out for a meal.

Littlekittyscupcake · 09/08/2021 18:53

@notonyournelleee

The birthday girl has replied to say

'I've seen your thread. I can't believe you'd do this! We just wanted a good night. Never mind, enjoy your anonymous cheerleaders!'

I'm so Angry and haven't replied but I'm sure she will see this!!

I wondered how long it would be before one of them saw your post OP. As you can see from virtually everyone on this thread, YANBU at all. How sad that they had to create a drama and spoil a nice night out. And how tacky and mean spirited of them not to leave a tip! At least you know now what kind of friend this person really is and you can save yourself the bother of investing anymore time on her. Don’t feel bad about it you’ve done nothing wrong at all.
KindChick · 09/08/2021 18:54

I can’t believe first of all that she messaged you about not splitting the bill and has now messaged about the mumsnet thread. It’s a free world, you can ask for thoughts and advice. Her comment in letting you know is so passive aggressive. Why not just read the comments and learn - they are very balanced.

StormyTeacups · 09/08/2021 18:54

How did you not splitting stop anyone having a good night?

myusernamewastakenbyme · 09/08/2021 18:54

I won't get into buying rounds either...a massive con and im not buying double gin and tonics for others when i'm only drinking cider....why is it frowned upon to buy your own?

phishy · 09/08/2021 18:56

@notonyournelleee

The birthday girl has replied to say

'I've seen your thread. I can't believe you'd do this! We just wanted a good night. Never mind, enjoy your anonymous cheerleaders!'

I'm so Angry and haven't replied but I'm sure she will see this!!

Unbelievable!
Littlekittyscupcake · 09/08/2021 18:58

Has she managed to thank you for the present you bought her yet OP?

Clearbloo · 09/08/2021 18:59

YANBU I know in the past whenever I have been out and not drinking (pregnant, driving etc) have never been assumed to split nor would I assume to split if roles reversed. I would say a few more well off friends dont mind spliting, especially when it favours the less well off but I think that's just them being generous rather than the done thing.

Winemewhynot · 09/08/2021 19:00

@notonyournelleee

The birthday girl has replied to say

'I've seen your thread. I can't believe you'd do this! We just wanted a good night. Never mind, enjoy your anonymous cheerleaders!'

I'm so Angry and haven't replied but I'm sure she will see this!!

Oh bloody hell 🙈🙈🙈
LizzieW1969 · 09/08/2021 19:01

Well splitting the bill would have cost you twenty quid but refusing to split has cost you a friendship.

It doesn’t sound like it’s much of a loss tbh. What kind of friend expects you to subsidise their excessive alcohol drinking?

I personally like drinking wine when out for a meal, but I would be mortified if a friend ended up paying more than their share of the total. That to me would be CF territory. It really is better to pay individually IMO.

FunnyWonder · 09/08/2021 19:01

Oh dear, Birthday Girl is trying to deflect attention from her bad manners by turning this against OP and making it about the thread. She should just apologise and salvage some dignity.

MurielSpriggs · 09/08/2021 19:01

@notonyournelleee

The birthday girl has replied to say

'I've seen your thread. I can't believe you'd do this! We just wanted a good night. Never mind, enjoy your anonymous cheerleaders!'

I'm so Angry and haven't replied but I'm sure she will see this!!

Birthdaygirl could join in and put her side of the story. Then the harpies errrr judge and jury of Mumsnet can pass sentence Grin
whatsthataboutthen · 09/08/2021 19:02

Dear Birthday Girl and cheapskate friends,

  1. you owe your mate a "thank you for my gift"...as you haven't thanked her yet you looks really ungrateful.
  2. you haven't thanked your friend for making the effort to come out and spend her valuable time celebrating your birthday. This makes you look self absorbed
  3. you and your other friends are selfish spongers to expect someone not drinking alcohol to absorb your alcohol costs.
  4. you are also tight because none of your (except for your friend who wasn't drinking) bothered to tip.
  5. you are an appalling friend: to actually text someone who had the backbone to say that she couldn't afford or didn't want to subsidise all the drinks you and your other friends had,,,,,you actually texted her to tell her off?!

Well you're no friend at all and you don't like it that you have been anonymously judged to be what you are; selfish, ungrateful spongers with a dreadful attitude towards other people.

diddl · 09/08/2021 19:02

@StormyTeacups

How did you not splitting stop anyone having a good night?
Because no one got subbedGrin
TalkingOutYerArse · 09/08/2021 19:05

Hi there friend. Your a selfish greedy get for expecting your friend to cough up for alcohol that she didnt drink. Remember this the next time you dine out and feel ashamed you had the brass balls to call your so called friend here out on YOUR selfishness. And everything @whatsthataboutthen said too.

Eaumyword · 09/08/2021 19:08

Oh Lord, this resonates!
I occasionally go out with an old group of friends who drink lots (bottles of wine, beers, cocktails)
It is 1 x couple plus 4 individual people.
It is expected that we do a round each, but I only have 2 x diet cokes the whole night.
The other scorcher is that the couple are treated as 1 by the rest of the group.
I'm certain I'm the only one thinking it is wrong to split the bill.
Trouble is, changing the routine relies on agreement and I'd be the only dissenter-of course I am, everyone else benefits!
To those who say change your friends etc, well yes, but they are long time friends and I'm on the periphery of the friendship. If I made a stand, I'd probably be excluded and apart from this issue, they are good company.
I limit going out with them to a couple of times a year for this reason as it is expensive.
So, I'm on Team OP and to the BG-you are not exhibiting nice behaviour!Angry

TidyDancer · 09/08/2021 19:08

YANBU! I don't mind splitting but not when there's a massive difference in meal/drinks costs! I'm pescatarian and will quite often go for the veggie options in restaurants and I don't really like drinking alcohol while I'm eating so my meal can be considerably smaller in cost than other peoples. When my bill comes to less than £20 (almost always) and a friends could easily come to nearly £50, no one in their right mind should expect me to split!

Your so-called friends are CF's and should be ashamed of themselves.

Oh and hi Birthday Girl, have you apologised to the OP yet? Or still embarrassed your bad behaviour has been made public?