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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

999 replies

notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 09:48

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you Sad

OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 09/08/2021 18:14

I also don't get those saying "What about people who have bread and olives etc! How do you ensure that's paid for".

Pretty simple - if I share a £6 starter with a friend, we pay £3 each for it.

Slightly alarmed at the maths skills of some 🤣

honeyytoast · 09/08/2021 18:16

Yanbu. I can’t imagine why this would upset anyone. If we were splitting the bill and someone asked to just pay for theirs, I would simply say “oh of course, sorry I didn’t think” and that would be that. No issue, certainly nothing to get moody about

Parrish · 09/08/2021 18:16

Find new friends. We go out in a group and we notice who is not drinking that night and she doesn’t subsidise us. No drama.

Mum6457 · 09/08/2021 18:17

YANBU. I'd never expect others to subsidise those who drink or order expensive meals.

OverByYer · 09/08/2021 18:18

YANBU. Whenever we go out and there is a non drinker we would take the drinks off and work out individual bills as alcohol bumps it up massively

Suzi888 · 09/08/2021 18:19

YANBU if any of our party doesn’t drink then they just pay for their own food/drink. You can’t expect someone to be subsidising Prosecco, cocktails, beers etc. Shouldn’t be an issue!

MyrrAgain · 09/08/2021 18:27

Maybe the others messaged birthday girl or made comments to her and it put the dampeners on her celebration or she had to put up with their complaining. Then you got the brunt of it in her message to you, but otherwise she wouldn't have said anything.

Basically they're asking you to suck it up and be frustrated/annoyed and over pay rather than them experiencing annoyance. So why should it be you rather than them. They can still split it 5 ways after taking your costs off

Original poster
notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 18:27

The birthday girl has replied to say

'I've seen your thread. I can't believe you'd do this! We just wanted a good night. Never mind, enjoy your anonymous cheerleaders!'

I'm so Angry and haven't replied but I'm sure she will see this!!

OP posts:
FeeFeeS · 09/08/2021 18:30

To be honest I’ve always spilt the bill when I’ve gone for a meal with friends and I prefer it this way. My family eg parents dsis always make me feel embarrassed when we go for meals as they will sit there and tot up exactly (to the penny) how much they have spent and then they abs deduct it off the total bill. It takes ages and I feel mortified. Even my dh thinks it’s weird and this is from a man who is pretty tight or careful with money. He wouldn’t dream of making a fuss over splitting the bill despite who had what and neither would I.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 09/08/2021 18:31

Birthday girl, if you're reading: You sound like a bunch of cheapskates who expect other people to subsidise your drinks. I've met others like you! Enjoy your selfishness! If you can't have a 'good night' without getting others to subsidise your bill, that's your problem.

alloverthecarpetagain · 09/08/2021 18:33

Proud to be an anonymous cheerleader for you, OP. You've done nothing wrong.

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 09/08/2021 18:33

'We just wanted a good night . . . but didn't want to pay for it '

My good nights out have never been contingent upon expecting people to subsidize me and then making them feel bad. Diff'rent strokes I guess.

I hope you're still reading, Birthday Girl! This anonymous cheerleader thinks you're a selfish, non-tipping shit-heel.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 09/08/2021 18:34

@notonyournelleee

The birthday girl has replied to say

'I've seen your thread. I can't believe you'd do this! We just wanted a good night. Never mind, enjoy your anonymous cheerleaders!'

I'm so Angry and haven't replied but I'm sure she will see this!!

Wow she's such a self absorbed victim! Incapable of even a moment of self reflection. It's difficult to believe that there are real people who are truly that greedy but your "friend" is one of them.
MarmaladeToastAndAMarmaladeCat · 09/08/2021 18:34

That’s outrageous. Imagine being annoyed that your friend didn’t want to pay double what their meal cost because you wanted them to subsidise you Hmm

spongedog · 09/08/2021 18:34

Clearly not that good a friend. You find out who your real friends are when there is disagreement over something and how it is dealt with. The group didnt care that you were subsidising their evening and are gossiping to cover up their conduct.

Mulhollandmagoo · 09/08/2021 18:34

Another proud anonymous cheerleader here, you were perfectly within your rights not to spend an extra £20 so they could have an extra cocktail each! That's really cheeky of her, if something like that ruined her evening then she's very highly strung

50ShadesOfCatholic · 09/08/2021 18:35

@FeeFeeS

To be honest I’ve always spilt the bill when I’ve gone for a meal with friends and I prefer it this way. My family eg parents dsis always make me feel embarrassed when we go for meals as they will sit there and tot up exactly (to the penny) how much they have spent and then they abs deduct it off the total bill. It takes ages and I feel mortified. Even my dh thinks it’s weird and this is from a man who is pretty tight or careful with money. He wouldn’t dream of making a fuss over splitting the bill despite who had what and neither would I.
But that is quite different to unilaterally deciding to double one person's bill.
ny20005 · 09/08/2021 18:37

Another anonymous cheerleader here !

Birthday girl, time to find a new friend to subsidise and out nights out 🙄

Mrstwiddle · 09/08/2021 18:39

You are absolutely in the right and they are people that I would not choose to spend anymore time with.

It’s not just the bill splitting that I’d have an issue with in this case, it’s the not leaving a tip, can’t stand tight people.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 09/08/2021 18:39

What's embarrassing about people calculating what they owe?

Andylion · 09/08/2021 18:39

@TheAverageUser

I'm going the other way, I think you should have split it. It's not really an AIBU I suppose because technically you're right and your bill should be less but it's such a tight way to behave for someone's birthday. I'd have split it.
It's not the OP who was tight.
Comedycook · 09/08/2021 18:41

I don't drink alcohol...I may spend £15 on a meal out...a main plus an orange juice. Meanwhile my friends order endless bottles of wine and their share is upwards of £50. I am not subsidising that and my friends are totally fine with it

Happycow37 · 09/08/2021 18:42

I’ve been invested in this all day because it’s one of my biggest pet hates. I never drink alcohol with a meal. I’ll have a soft drink or 2 but that’s it. When I was younger my friends would always go out at Christmas time and we would get a set menu (costing about £25-30) and I would have my soft drinks, amounting to probably a fiver. They would all have copious bottles of wine, cocktails and other alcoholic drinks and expect me to split it evenly. I distinctly remember one year being asked to chip in 60 quid, almost double what I actually owed. They got told to wise up.

Your pals are the tight ones expecting to drink at your expense and they should be embarrassed. Especially since she had the brass neck to text you to complain. I hope she’s enjoyed your thread today and seen how much of a sponger she’s made herself look.

TopBlogger · 09/08/2021 18:42

The lurking " Birthday girl " -

can you explain

  1. why none of you left a tip? And
  2. why a non drinker should subsidise the drinkers?

Thanks!

BananaMilkshakeWithCream · 09/08/2021 18:44

@pinkyredrose

No but you should have said you weren't splitting at the beginning.
Why does it matter if she says it at the beginning?

@notonyournelleee Totally not out of order. More out of order of your friend to think you would subside her and she’s probably miffed that she had to pay more.