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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

999 replies

notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 09:48

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you Sad

OP posts:
Killahangilion · 09/08/2021 15:45

@problembottom

To be fair I always split the bill when out with friends and I am definitely not trying to steal their money! It’s just the done thing with people I know. Can’t think of anything worse than six people getting their calculators out. Maybe this group were similar rather than CFs.

Sounds like it got a bit awkward and birthday girl was embarrassed and has lashed out. Not your fault of course, you were entitled to pay for what you had.

Can’t think of anything worse than six people getting their calculators out?

How about…

  1. Can’t pay the rent this month because some prick insisted on splitting the bill
  1. Can’t pay for my kids school trip because some prick insisted on splitting the bill
  1. Will be living on tinned food and pasta for the rest of the week because some prick insisted on splitting the bill
  1. Can’t afford to get my car fixed this month because some prick insisted on splitting the bill
  1. Can only afford supermarket value brand foods this week because some prick insisted on splitting the bill…

Must be lovely views up there in your ivory tower?

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 09/08/2021 15:45

The link is that unless it's going to make a difference to what they choose to order, there's absolutely no reason for there to be any perceived difference between telling them at the beginning of the meal, and telling them at the end

That's actually a really good point.

Why would somebody want to know at the beginning if people are paying their own way, rather than at the end? If they weren't trying to spend more than they could afford? 🧐

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 09/08/2021 15:47

@Blossomtoes

In this situation we usually ask for food and alcohol to be billed separately. Then those not drinking don’t pay towards the drinks bill. What it means is everyone else subsidises non drinkers’ soft drinks - strangely nobody ever objects.
Well that's just daft
Winemewhynot · 09/08/2021 15:47

This reply has been deleted

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Spanielstail · 09/08/2021 15:48

This once happened to me where I had had a sparkling water and a pasta dish and was asked to pay £40 as the others had bottles of wine, gin etc.

I didn't refuse as I didn't know them well but I still think about it years later.

Saddlesore · 09/08/2021 15:48

It depends so much on your attitude to an evening out with friends. Those who see it simply as a plate of sustenance are likely to feel that they should only pay for what they eat (or drink). Those, like me, who see it as an evening’s “entertainment”, surrounded by people, chat, jokes, gossip, oh and some food and drink, are likely to see it as a bill to be split equally - ie, it’s simply the price you pay for an evening out.

MrsFlinch · 09/08/2021 15:49

I hate that whole splitting the bill bollocks, someone always ends up out of pocket. Happened to us several times over the years, one memorable time sticks in my head.

3 couples, out for a meal and drinks. 1 proceeded to order 2 bottles of wine “for everyone to share”, problem was, only 2 people actually drank wine, so 1 bottle each. 4 had starters And 3 had deserts
Dh had his main, No starter, no desert and 2 separate (soft) drinks, I had 2 alcoholic drinks no food!
Bill comes, and we are told “we’ll just split the bill!”……£55 each couple.
I tried to point out that this was massively unfair. But Dh told me not to make a fuss and paid it.
Ours came to about £25 for what we had between us. So cost us an extra £30!

Dh and I don’t drink alcohol now and I physically cannot manage to eat 3 courses on a meal out so for that reason refuse point blank to ‘split the bill’ with others as we always end up with the short straw!

TheGlassBlowersDaughter · 09/08/2021 15:49

I'd have assumed they were planning to cover the birthday girl's meal and drinks but didn't want to make it obvious.
I'm sure all of us have been out for meals where we split the bill equally and ones where we pay for our own. The awkwardness and the anger isn't inherent in the situation. It's down to expectations and attitude. A celebration meal is one where I'd expect costs to be split equally because I'd expect to be paying for the guest of honour.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 09/08/2021 15:52

However what must not ever be done is make a scene at the table

See in my eyes what should never be done is for someone to be such a cheeky bastard that others feel the need to cause 'a scene'.

When I was pregnant with DS, and me and (now ex)H and DD travelled 300 miles to a family wedding and the guests went for a meal the night before. I was really off spicy food due to morning sickness, neither of us were drinking so ex and I had a pizza each, DD shared mine with me, 2 soft drinks (DD had her juice in a cup I brought along as she was fussy 🙄) and we shared a dessert. £30 or so including tip. Everyone else had 3 courses, bottles of wine, whisky, olives, bread etc.

End of the meal the best man pipes up "it's £40 per person". I was Hmm but ex and I agreed to pay because it was his cousin's wedding and we didn't want to upset anyone. Handed over £80

Until the best man said "well no it's £120 for you lot as you have your daughter".

Too right I made a scene after that.

xprincessxjanetx · 09/08/2021 15:52

No.

I do not drink alcohol so I would abhor having to pay if everyone else is. Alcohol is expensive and it's unreasonable to expect you to pay for that. You went out for food which you were happy to pay for, they chose to drink (fair enough) so they should be paying for that.

I presume you would have been happy to split equally had they not consumed the alcohol.

ExpressDelivery · 09/08/2021 15:52

Is it possible that the rest of them intended to cover birthday girl's bill and rather than taking it that you didn't want to pay for their drinks, they heard you wouldn't be making a contribution to her meal?

Otherwise you were reasonable and friend has no reason to be offended.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 09/08/2021 15:55

[quote Winemewhynot]@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Where have you attacked me? You said, referring to me

I really hope they socialise with people just like themselves, it saves the rest of us getting lumbered with them

I’m not pricked at all, and have no idea what you think I should stop doing 😂 I’m just pointing out that you’re a rude bitch, sorry witch[/quote]
You weren't the only poster coming out with that tone deaf nonsense and quite honestly, you didn't register. I was quoting another poster but it obviously did prick you so that's great.

Name call all you like, at least I'm not you.

ConsuelaHammock · 09/08/2021 15:55

You’re not being unreasonable at all . Well done for not subsiding everyone else’s alcohol.

Novelusername · 09/08/2021 15:57

YANBU OP. I remember being unemployed once and going out for a meal with my boyfriend and some of his mates. When the bill came I put in my amount but then was shamed by my boyfriend's best friend into splitting the bill to also cover their alcohol and starters that I hadn't had. I actually think people who insist on splitting the bill like that are shameful, especially when it comes to double the amount you actually owe. It's very entitled and shows a lack of consideration.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 09/08/2021 15:57

@Saddlesore

It depends so much on your attitude to an evening out with friends. Those who see it simply as a plate of sustenance are likely to feel that they should only pay for what they eat (or drink). Those, like me, who see it as an evening’s “entertainment”, surrounded by people, chat, jokes, gossip, oh and some food and drink, are likely to see it as a bill to be split equally - ie, it’s simply the price you pay for an evening out.
What total BOLLOCKS

I see a night out the way you see it but I don't expect others to subsidise my 'entertainment'. That's all

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 09/08/2021 16:01

Frangipani, that is absolutely outrageous. How could anybody think that your bill was £120?

I've read other posts on other threads where there has been pressure to pay, from family members, and it's not an easy thing to do sometimes, to speak out when you're the 'wronged' person and everybody else seem to want you just to cough up and shut up. Good for you for standing your ground.

Winemewhynot · 09/08/2021 16:02

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe no you’re not like me you seem rather simple, either trying to backtrack or struggling to understand that it was indeed me you were discussing Grin

And what tone deaf nonsense do you refer to? As if you read my post correctly you would see I didn’t actually pass comment on who was being unreasonable. In your ignorant way you have assumed that I am bill splitter, you’ve alluded to it in your posts, but again you are wrong. So carrying on talking shit, its fine 😂🤦🏽‍♀️

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 09/08/2021 16:03

Saddlesore you're talking of an evening out with friends, many posts on the thread are instances of meals out with colleague, family members, friends and friends-of-friends. It's not the same scenario and it really depends on the individual circumstances, surely?

GoldenBlue · 09/08/2021 16:04

@Winemewhynot

Well splitting the bill would have cost you twenty quid but refusing to split has cost you a friendship.

Sometimes you just have to look at the bigger picture, sounds like you embarrassed the birthday girl infront of her friends. Don’t think I’d have behaved like you at a birthday party with people I didn’t know for the sake of twenty quid.

So you're one of those that would expect others to sub your meal and drinks?

That makes you a poor friend and perhaps not one worth keeping?

rookiemere · 09/08/2021 16:04

The point I was trying to make - clearly badly Grin- is that getting everyone to put in the money for what they had is not without its flaws either and doesn't work well if there are any shared elements such as starters or bottles of wine.

That doesn't mean I think anyone should have to pay £40 for a £20 meal.

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 09/08/2021 16:05

If I wasn't drinking I'd pay for my food, a share of the tip and my part of the b'day girl's meal.

Plumtree391 · 09/08/2021 16:05

Killahanglion:
problembottom

To be fair I always split the bill when out with friends and I am definitely not trying to steal their money! It’s just the done thing with people I know. Can’t think of anything worse than six people getting their calculators out. Maybe this group were similar rather than CFs.

Sounds like it got a bit awkward and birthday girl was embarrassed and has lashed out. Not your fault of course, you were entitled to pay for what you had.
....
I don't know about calculators (although if a bill is to be split evenly, that would make sense for one person to do it), but on the whole I agree with both your posts.

However people should know in advance how it is going to be done, then there is no awkwardness. If the op had been warned, maybe she wouldn't have gone but she obviously didn't know.

All over now.

Blueuggboots · 09/08/2021 16:09

This really pisses me off! I don't drink and I'm not going to increase my bloody bill to pay for everyone ends to get drunk! We used to go out with a big group from work. Some of them would drink 10+ pints and put it on the bill and expect everyone to pay?! Um, NO!
Tell her to fuck off and pay for her own alcohol!!!

LovePoppy · 09/08/2021 16:09

I find the Custom of splitting the bill so odd

Here it’s normal for everyone (or couples) yo get their own bill

Goodmum1234 · 09/08/2021 16:10

Never subsidise others! Well done for saying no. I wouldn’t go out with that group again, nor the ‘friend’ who thought to text you. Omg! Why should you pay?