When the difference is a couple of quid, splitting makes sense. When it’s been a case of the drinkers didn’t have a pudding or starter, but the non-drinker did, splitting it looks okay. When it’s £20 more or double the bill for the non-drinker, that’s not okay as an assumption.
The groups I go out with, are first to say to a non-drinker ‘you work out yours and we will split the rest’ - and surely that’s the considerate approach, because it removes the onus from the non-drinker to have to suggest themselves that they pay less.
Good manners is all about making others feel comfortable. Assuming a bill will be split, when people have eaten/drunk at very different levels isn’t considerate behaviour. It’s inconsiderate to not raise it as a big drinker and leave the non-drinker to bring it up. What that suggests is that the drinkers hope the non-drinker won’t raise it, but sub them. To then also feel annoyed or to text about it later, when the non-drinker does raise it, is simply clueless and rude.
It is fine if a non-drinker is offered the chance to pay their own way (plus always important to add in for the tip so there is no sense that they are ending up susideised) and turns down the offer and says they will split it.
I’m often a non-drinker. If others have drunk a lot, I will happily accept the offer to pay for my costs when one of them always raises it. I will always say what I’m paying and also say I’m including whatever for the tip too. If there hasn’t been lots of drinking, or I’ve had an expensive non alcoholic drink like a cocktail, or also had a coffee etc, I will usually suggest we just split it. And sometimes if we go out for just a drink or something, I will make sure I buy a round, even if I’m not drinking.
I don’t want to be a penny-pincher or someone counting the pennies and insisting on paying exactly for what I’ve had, but that seems different from not wanting to pay double what one’s bill has come to…..and most people can see that.
Some people are cheeky though and hope to have a big night out and be subbed. They don’t seem to realise how expensive their 3 or 4 restaurant drinks are and when faced with their personalised bill or a bill split between several big drinkers and rather shocked. Perhaps that’s because they’ve had multiple meals where a non-drinker or 2 have brought down the average price, so they’ve thought that’s the actual cost of their meal. Either way, it doesn’t take much thinking or looking or at the bill to see that a person ordering 3 lots of £8 drinks and a pudding, has spent a good £20 more than someone with 2 £3 soft drinks and no pudding.
The place where it all hets difficult is when there are bottles of wine and someone says they want to pay less and not split drinks bill as they only had one glass. That is too complicated and not on I think. If you ‘go in’ on the wine bottles, you basically have to split the ones you go-in on. It can be possible when people say ‘let’s get another bottle’ to say at that point ‘I’m stopping drinking now, so don’t count me in on contributing to this one if you want to get another’ …although still tricky when the bill comes. In this case, better to just buy your wine by the glass and to pay for that.