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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

999 replies

notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 09:48

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you Sad

OP posts:
mam0918 · 09/08/2021 12:48

Are people who think paying £40 for a meal is fine or normal and are struggling to imagine you can get a meal and a few lemonades for £19 southerners?

We regularly eat out as a family of 5 and it pretty much never comes to over £40 (granted that is with kids meal prices for the kids but still £40 for one person is ridiculous).

The average cost for a main meal is £8 (cheaper pub meal) - £13 (resteraunts) here, a soft drink is £2 - £3 pretty much across the board so I find it hard to imagine hitting £40 for just 1 person.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 09/08/2021 12:50

@BarbaraofSeville

Can’t think of anything worse than six people getting their calculators out

I can. The person who had a pizza and a coke because that was all they could afford being guilted into joining in with the even split and paying £20 more than what they budgeted, leaving them short for their other expenses that week.

In some cases 'a few quid' does matter and it often doesn't even out in the end and if you can't see that, just be grateful you've never been in a position where you've had to choose between paying for everyone's steak and cocktails when you had pizza and a coke to stick to your budget or having to speak up because otherwise you wouldn't be able to get to work the next few days or whatever.

Definitely agree with this and such a well made point too. There seem to be some really entitled, selfish people who are just wilful in their lack of cognisance that other people may not be able to afford to pay for other people's food/drink.

I'm not sure if they're just greedy generally or being goady. I can't think of any reason that somebody would have expectations of other people's money.

dottydodah · 09/08/2021 12:51

This is a difficult one really .Do you all earn around the same? Just remember that soft drinks are still relatively expensive ,and what kind of puds /starters/sides did you have ? Also what about the tip.

Starjammer · 09/08/2021 12:52

Definitely not BU.

We always split, but I stopped drinking for a few years and it was just assumed I would pay less - I didn't even have to say anything or raise it, it was just 'Okay, so if Starjammer puts in £20 and the rest of us do £30' or something.'

GoldenBlue · 09/08/2021 12:53

@dottydodah

This is a difficult one really .Do you all earn around the same? Just remember that soft drinks are still relatively expensive ,and what kind of puds /starters/sides did you have ? Also what about the tip.
Her bill was 19 including all drinks and she was the only one that contributed towards a tip!
Starjammer · 09/08/2021 12:54

Oh and yes agree, only splitting with friends of the same philosophy and a close group. Otherwise it's just far easier to pay for what you had - most places will let you split the bill in the sense that each person can pay for their own meal, and it avoids any arguments!

ExpressDelivery · 09/08/2021 12:54

It's not just that alcohol is more expensive (agree there's often not much in it) but that "drìnkers" drink much more quickly than those on soft drinks, as a rule. I'd split the bill happily if I've have a coke while friend has one beer, not if I've had a several pints while they've drunk water or one soft drink though.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 09/08/2021 12:55

@notonyournelleee

Really? Didn't know that was the form, to say 'I'm not splitting the bill today'
It's not.

You should only declare this if you want to rip other people off, not the other way round.

Bill splitting is a weird thing, it's not hard to calculate what you had yourself unless you had a 17 course meal, so I genuinely don't know why it's so controversial to just pay for what you consumed

HelgaDownUnder · 09/08/2021 12:56

When I was at uni a friend from school invited a few of us out to dinner at a nice-ish restaurant.
Since I was tight, I ordered soup and affogato in place of main and dessert. She was being pretty extravagant with wine, main course, dessert etc
Fortunately, she didn't try and split the bill, but took the exact change we all put in the menu folder and said she'd pay with her card.
She took the bill up to the counter and started arguing with them. It turned out she had a clip n save voucher for a free meal/dessert with three other meal/desserts purchased. Since I'd ordered an entree and a coffee she couldn't use her voucher and had to pay for herself.
CF would have indicated she was using the voucher when she booked, but didn't tell us. We were there to provide her a free meal!

SunshineCake · 09/08/2021 12:57

@pinkyredrose

No but you should have said you weren't splitting at the beginning.
Not unless you know you're eating with people who will spend more when someone else is paying Hmm.
BiscuitLover09876 · 09/08/2021 12:57

I hate hate HATE the assumption of bill splitting. Then if assumed, don't be an arse when wrong.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 09/08/2021 12:59

@DottyHarmer

I’m a bit on the fence as I have known people who “don’t drink” but still have a pricey non-alcoholic drink or two and also a starter and a pudding.

I think it also depends on how much you are being “done” for. Your meal may have come to £19 but what about service charge/tip?

Since when is a tip £21 per person?
dottydodah · 09/08/2021 12:59

GoldenBlue Point taken .However I wonder why they were so upset .Was the Birthday Girl expecting something towards her bill I wonder. Lots depending on an equal salary really .If one of our group was tight for cash we would all probably chip in a bit .If not then they are being unreasonable .Just here in Bournemouth a lot of pubs/Restaurants in town, seem to have a fairly big price on things like Sparkling Cordials ,Fresh Smoothies etc which can almost equal a Beer or Wine!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 09/08/2021 13:00

@Balgoresboy

Meh I see where you are coming from but it was 40 quid, I would just have split it to avoid tension and because I rarely eat out with friends. Having said that your friend is a bitch for texting you like that and the others need to grow up if that upset them.
More fool you.

It everyone can afford to just throw away £20 for the sake of not speaking up

chickychicchic · 09/08/2021 13:02

I don't drink and when we split the bill it's always let's split but I pay less cause of drinks

DGFB · 09/08/2021 13:02

We always split the bill, I wouldn’t have accepted the invitation if I wasn’t willing to split the bill. We’re in our 40s though, most people I know are the same

Marguerite2000 · 09/08/2021 13:02

mam0918
Yeah cos all us southeners are rolling in it.
There are a range of incomes and places to eat to suit in the south, from pub meals to 'fine dining. Just like there was in Newcastle when I lived there.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 09/08/2021 13:03

@DGFB

We always split the bill, I wouldn’t have accepted the invitation if I wasn’t willing to split the bill. We’re in our 40s though, most people I know are the same
So if someone ordered 3 bottles of Brut you'd just go along with it?

I'm almost 40 didn't realise this meant I had to be ripped off Confused

BrilloPaddy · 09/08/2021 13:03

I used to go out in a group, and one would always order 3 courses plus at least 2 sides and some sort of sauce. We'd split the bill but she always paid last so she could use her card, and the CF'er would count what was there and just add her meal onto it. So if 5 of us had left £5 each as a tip, her meal was nearly always free.

So when we went somewhere special for a birthday, when the waitress brought the bill over I asked her for a separate plate to put the tips on. CF'er then had to pay nearly £70 for her own food, and had a face like a smacked arse. She clearly didn't like being called out on her behaviour and never came out with us again.

KatherineJaneway · 09/08/2021 13:04

I'm sorry, but I don't understand this at all.

As someone else said, the only possible reason to do this is because you would change what you order depending on whether a bill is split or not. That's hardly fair is it and makes it sound like you want to use others kindness for your advantage. Not reasonable at all.

You've completely misunderstood me. If you have cf's around the table, if they know you are paying for what you ate and drank only and not bill splitting right from the start, they will order more sensibly and know not to suggest splitting the bill at the end. The reason you get shitty faces is because they've assumed the bill will be split so order with abandon and then get shirty with anyone who just wants to pay for what they have.

Reallybadidea · 09/08/2021 13:05

YANBU. A few years ago DH and I went out with 2 other couples. I was pregnant so drove them all there and back. The others ordered heaps of alcohol, including really expensive bottles of wine. When the bill came they all just wanted to split it - DH and I didn't have the confidence to say no and coughed up my share the same as the others. Must have cost me an extra £30. Really annoying - we're still friends but I've never gone for dinner with them again!

Tomtomsokillis · 09/08/2021 13:05

Yanbu technically, but tbh it comes across a bit miserly and distasteful to go into a discussion on why you shouldn't split etc. All a bit awkward. I'd have just split and not think about it in too much detail really. On the other hand they might have noticed you weren't drinking and offered you not to split as well, so that's also being distasteful.

WishingWell5 · 09/08/2021 13:06

Some people are just grabby. I once went out for a meal with an investment banker (and three others) who spoke the entire time about how much he earned, had 3 courses, alcohol and even added a bottle of desert wine. I said I was strapped for cash, had water and 1 course. Then he had the cheek to suggest we split the bill.
I didn't by the way.
It's funny, as if (some) well off people suggest splitting the bill under the guise of generosity but are actually just out to get something for themselves.

Nixandwotsit · 09/08/2021 13:07

@dottydodah

This is a difficult one really .Do you all earn around the same? Just remember that soft drinks are still relatively expensive ,and what kind of puds /starters/sides did you have ? Also what about the tip.
Read Op's posts. She's already covered what she paid for.
abw94 · 09/08/2021 13:07

YANBU.

You should respond with 'I think it's out of order not to thank someone who has given them a gift'.

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