To think she had this baby out of spite?

[Nineteeneightynine]

Name changed because on the off chance the woman in question uses MN i don't want her knowing who i am by my posting history.

I'll call her Sarah.

Sarah was in a relationship with 'John' and the pair had a child. After 6 years together the relationship came to an end - but during the final 2 years of the relationship Sarah had multiple terminations of unplanned pregnancies because she didn't want more children and the pair were growing apart. The split, however, was instigated by her.

They broke up and 18 months later John met and began a relationship with somebody else. They got engaged and conceived a baby.

Sarah then decided she wanted him back after all.

At this point Sarah became even more difficult (think using her existing child as a weapon)

When Johns partner was heavily pregnant Sarah orchestrated a situation whereby she and John would be alone together, think special occasion under the guise of being for their child's benefit. Alcohol was involved.

Sarah made a pass at John, and because John is a selfish idiot and wasn't getting much 'action' at home with his heavily pregnant fiance, he reciprocated and they had a one night stand. John claims Sarah told him she was on the contraceptive implant so they didn't need to use a condom. John didn't question it and was happy to proceed without.

Soon after, very soon indeed, almost as if she was waiting to test, Sarah tells John she's pregnant and wants him to get back together with her "for their family" and try again.

John doesn't want to re-enter the relationship and wants to stay with his then current partner, who was expected to give birth any day.

Sarah decides that actually 'now' (then) is the perfect time to bring another child into the world and she would be having the baby regardless. Issues ultimatums. Briefly stops contact between John and his existing child when John says he doesn't want another.

Bare in mind that before the relationship ended, Sarah was adamant she didn't want any more children and exercised her right to terminate multiple pregnancies because the time wasn't right and the relationship was failing. It was only after seeing John settling down with somebody else she changed her mind.

Johns partner found out and was understandably crushed, now years later has to co-parent and see that (yes totally innocent) child on a regular basis.

WIBU to believe that Sarah, with all of the above taken into consideration, had this child out of spite?

They both sound despicable people so I won’t say who is the worst as yes she sounds very much like it was for spite and to that is despicable but so is he to Shag a ex behind his heavily pregnant girlfriend . Neither of them think their actions result in consequences . Both of them sound very unpleasant people.

Sarah and John deserve one another

John ans sarah are both scum and deserve each other.

The poor sap that was having his baby is a totally idiot if she remained in the relationship and got what she deserved.

When you lay down with dogs, it's likely you'll get flees.

John and sarah are low life's.

Because John is a self serving wanker that didn't think about anybody bar himself in that moment IMO

So why are you, sorry your "friend" staying with him?

You can't possibly know everything you purport to know unless you're involved in all of this, so you're either one of the main three or exaggerating your knowledge of the situation and continuing to embellish it to make yourself seem more important and less like an interfering busy body who just wants to gossip about someone else's misfortune

It's all Sarah's fault isn't it she made poor John stick his penis in her and ejaculate

I'm guessing your the new partner that was pregnant? John had sex regularly unprotected he wasn't bothered the last time couple of times she got pregnant so why would he be now. I guess it's easier for you to blame Sarah but John is a 100 percent accountable and I voted yabu on that basis if you are the pregnant girl run a bloody mile.

@Nineteeneightynine

No arguments from me about what you all think about John. Grade A knob head.

I just cannot fathom why somebody would choose to bring a child into the world under such circumstances, having terminated multiple previous pregnancies because the relationship was on its way out and the timing wasn't right - only to decide she does want another baby with him after all, once he is having one with somebody else.

Of course Sarah's body is her own and she has agency to make whatever decisions she sees fit, but with the history and difficult behaviour on her part in mind, I can't help but think there was an element of spite involved in her decision making.

Why does it matter? The child is here and that's the important bit. I doubt that Sarah had multiple terminations as that's pretty rare and you are almost forced on some contraception after the termination.

John is a conniving shitheel also quite thick, and frankly deserves current partner leaving and having as little to do with him as possible.

Current partner need to grow ovaries of steel and just leave. Also requires counselling to find out why she has not a single boundary.

Are you John?

Sarah and John sound vile.

So you’re blaming a woman for Johns behaviour, because poor little John couldn’t say no after a beer.

John chose not to use contraception, so John knew the sex could result in pregnancy and/or an STI, yet he still chose to take those risks.

John not wanting a baby is fine, John not wanting an STI is fine, if John didn’t want those things he should have worn a condom. John chose to make a baby, John also chose to make a baby knowing Sarah would rightly get to choose whether or not to keep that baby.

Sarah may have aborted other babies, that doesn’t mean someone never wants to have another child in the future. If you’d asked me three years if I wanted another child I would have said never in a million years, three years later my answer is a definite yes.

Sarah and John both sound like feckless, immature idiots. John’s wife should have got shot of John.

It’s neither here nor there what Sarah’s motivations were. She didn’t get herself pregnant. If John didn’t want a child with her he should have worn a condom. Contraception 101 - any sensible man learns this at about 16.

Yeah, actually...OP being John would explain even more than OP being the new partner. "Yes I take responsibility BUT Sarah orchestrated, Sarah lied, Sarah got more difficult, yes of course I know everything Sarah thought..."

I'd put money on it not being a one off and he was regularly knobbing the ex throughout.

Either chuck this one back or, better still, bash it on the head and feed it to the seagulls - there are far better fish out there than this sea slug.

You sound like a nasty gossip with no real clue what might have gone on in the original relationship.

What a horrible judgement thread to start. It’s none of your business why a woman had abortions ans then decided to proceed wirh a baby at a later stage . You don’t know why she had them at the time or how they impacted her, she may not have felt able to go through with another one.

The implant is not 100 percent fail safe. It’s 99 percent, so one in a hundred women fall pregnant on it

Your post reads spiteful,you’re basically insinuating she got him drunk, got pregant on purpose as a way to keep him

Just horrible.

I'm related to John, so I also know Sarah very well. I may ask for this specific reply of mine to be deleted shortly as I don't want to out myself but want to make clear that I'm neither of the people that posters think I am.

The reason I have put emphasis on Sarah duping John about contraception is because John is gullible and easy to manipulate - as a result of conditions he has. He has aspergers and mild LD's.

Don't get me wrong he's not disabled to the extent he's not able to have relationships, work etc and be a father but he is more malleable to manipulation and I do fully believe he was manipulated to an extent.

Yeah I agree the multiple terminations is most probably exaggerated. I doubt you can have multiple on the nhs ( though I’m no expert) so these would of been paid for privately. I suspect she’s had 2 max , I really think you need to stop believing John’s version of events .
Do you know Sarah personally to ask her ? If so ask her why the multiple terminations then another unplanned pregnancy after unprotected sex . I suspect you will have a different version of events .

I would also be interested if a DNA test has been done... entrapment is a thing...

I was wondering the same thing. Is Sarah's child actually his if the pregnancy was confirmed so quickly?

Unless you're Sarah you can't "categorically" know anything about this woman's motivations.

Since you maintain you're none of the parties involved, this thread is just weird.

OP if you are neither John nor Sarah and not the other partner of John either, you should cut contact with these ridiculous people and live your own life without their stupid dramas.

Yes, your belief is not unreasonable.

I hope it’s not this John, he won’t have time to do any plumbing with all these children

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4312439-who-is-right-here

@Nineteeneightynine

I'm related to John, so I also know Sarah very well. I may ask for this specific reply of mine to be deleted shortly as I don't want to out myself but want to make clear that I'm neither of the people that posters think I am.

The reason I have put emphasis on Sarah duping John about contraception is because John is gullible and easy to manipulate - as a result of conditions he has. He has aspergers and mild LD's.

Don't get me wrong he's not disabled to the extent he's not able to have relationships, work etc and be a father but he is more malleable to manipulation and I do fully believe he was manipulated to an extent.

Oh bore off , the gullible man that can’t keep his pants on. Poor John.

The reason I have put emphasis on Sarah duping John about contraception is because John is gullible and easy to manipulate - as a result of conditions he has. He has aspergers and mild LD's.

John and Sarah are both as bad as each other. End of.

It doesn’t matter now anyway as what’s done is done and no one apart from them will truly know what happened and what was said.

I am a person with Aspergers and I don't behave like a dog on heat.