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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think she had this baby out of spite?

577 replies

Nineteeneightynine · 08/08/2021 14:36

Name changed because on the off chance the woman in question uses MN i don't want her knowing who i am by my posting history.

I'll call her Sarah.

Sarah was in a relationship with 'John' and the pair had a child. After 6 years together the relationship came to an end - but during the final 2 years of the relationship Sarah had multiple terminations of unplanned pregnancies because she didn't want more children and the pair were growing apart. The split, however, was instigated by her.

They broke up and 18 months later John met and began a relationship with somebody else. They got engaged and conceived a baby.

Sarah then decided she wanted him back after all.

At this point Sarah became even more difficult (think using her existing child as a weapon)

When Johns partner was heavily pregnant Sarah orchestrated a situation whereby she and John would be alone together, think special occasion under the guise of being for their child's benefit. Alcohol was involved.

Sarah made a pass at John, and because John is a selfish idiot and wasn't getting much 'action' at home with his heavily pregnant fiance, he reciprocated and they had a one night stand. John claims Sarah told him she was on the contraceptive implant so they didn't need to use a condom. John didn't question it and was happy to proceed without.

Soon after, very soon indeed, almost as if she was waiting to test, Sarah tells John she's pregnant and wants him to get back together with her "for their family" and try again.

John doesn't want to re-enter the relationship and wants to stay with his then current partner, who was expected to give birth any day.

Sarah decides that actually 'now' (then) is the perfect time to bring another child into the world and she would be having the baby regardless. Issues ultimatums. Briefly stops contact between John and his existing child when John says he doesn't want another.

Bare in mind that before the relationship ended, Sarah was adamant she didn't want any more children and exercised her right to terminate multiple pregnancies because the time wasn't right and the relationship was failing. It was only after seeing John settling down with somebody else she changed her mind.

Johns partner found out and was understandably crushed, now years later has to co-parent and see that (yes totally innocent) child on a regular basis.

WIBU to believe that Sarah, with all of the above taken into consideration, had this child out of spite?

OP posts:
GullyGull · 08/08/2021 15:16

Unless you are Sarah or John you don't know the real truth of the situation. All you've got is second hand knowledge from one of these two who both have their own agendas.

danadas · 08/08/2021 15:16

What a shitshow for actual children to be embroiled in.

It depresses me that the people involved in these sorts of scenarios are always so bloody fertile.

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/08/2021 15:16

John was happy to take STDs back to his pregnant partner so any wrongdoing by anyone else pales into insignificance.

What an arse.

ImInStealthMode · 08/08/2021 15:17

Spite or not, she wouldn't have had the baby if he had kept his dick to himself. Misled or not, John made his own bed here and it sounds like he and Sarah deserve each other.

I've not a spread of sympathy for anyone except his partner and the poor kids.

Babyroobs · 08/08/2021 15:17

@danadas

What a shitshow for actual children to be embroiled in.

It depresses me that the people involved in these sorts of scenarios are always so bloody fertile.

Very depressing.
SaharaFlower · 08/08/2021 15:17

Unless you have been undercover recording them, you don't know what the case is. That is, unless, you are Sarah.

DrSbaitso · 08/08/2021 15:18

@Nineteeneightynine

You know such a lot about her, I wonder why you can't ask her this burning question yourself

For all you know I have.

Well, did you?
SpindleWhorl · 08/08/2021 15:19

You all sound as unhinged as each other

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 08/08/2021 15:19

Why are you making excuses for John OP?

Alcohol was involved so the poor man could not help himself?

SmallChairs · 08/08/2021 15:20

John needs to have the ‘y’ of his y-fronts sewn shut.

LemonViolet · 08/08/2021 15:20

Everyone here sounds awful, including you and your nosey judgement OP, except perhaps John’s new partner who should still muster her self respect and leave him.

What a really nasty, prying, judgemental thread. What are you hoping to achieve by posting this?

Saoirse82 · 08/08/2021 15:20

Why anyone would want John back is beyond me. The blame solely lies at John's door. A vile piece of shit who i hope the new partner told him to sling his hook.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 08/08/2021 15:20

@Nineteeneightynine

Maybe John coerced her into terminating those pregnancies and she felt able to keep this one because she wasn't under John's control any more. Did you think of that?

That was categorically not the case.

You don't know this
MouseholeCat · 08/08/2021 15:20

Why waste headspace on two people who are clearly toxic?

saraclara · 08/08/2021 15:21

@Nineteeneightynine

John is a bastard of the highest order, no doubt about that.

He is totally responsible for the infidelity and not taking precautions on his side to avoid a pregnancy.

However, he was deliberately mislead into believing that there was no chance of a baby being conceived because she was on the implant.

So? It would have been okay if he's shagged her and she DID have the implant?

Sorry, I have no sympathy for him whatsoever.

Ofnorman · 08/08/2021 15:21

just wondering why after terminating multiple pregnancies when they were together she decided that the one conceived out of infidelity when the new partner was heavily pregnant was the one to keep

Health reasons? Ages of other children? Mental well-being? Finances? No longer sharing house space with someone? Change of heart?

There are a number of reasons why any woman might feel differently about pregnancy at any given time- I think 'spite' is actually pretty low down the list.

toocold54 · 08/08/2021 15:22

I feel like you could be John.

I would say John and Sarah very much want to be together.
The previous terminations are irrelevant as many people have had a termination and carried on the pregnancy for various reasons so that shouldn’t come into it.

I would say John and Sarah love each other and wanted to make it work. John now realises actually it doesn’t work and bringing a baby into it made it even worse and that he’d prefer to have not got back into that situation. Sarah wanted it to work too and considering it was her decisions to have terminations before it could have been John asking her to keep it this time or she kept it thinking it would make their relationship work.

thenewduchessofhastings · 08/08/2021 15:23

If my fiancé cheated on me whilst nearly 9 months pregnant with his ex and knocked her up to boot I'd be showing John the door;sod that BS.

Dozer · 08/08/2021 15:24

Doesn’t really matter what Sarah’s motivations might have been. John had sex with her, Sarah became pregnant and decided to have the baby.

John should seek to be a good father.

John’s partner should dump the idiot!

KnobJockey · 08/08/2021 15:24

I've heard of numerous women who have split with the father of their child, been single but wanted more children, and said in passing that they've considered asking their ex to get them pregnant so the children are full siblings. At least 4-5 people have had a random conversation with me about it. However, I don't know any who have gone through with it, thankfully

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 08/08/2021 15:24

get checked for STDs OP

thenewduchessofhastings · 08/08/2021 15:25

Also John needs to get a vasectomy thé irresponsible twat.

Booboosweet · 08/08/2021 15:25

Everyone involved sounds vile. The poor kids.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/08/2021 15:25

Sarah sounds like a bitch.

John sounds like a selfish, cheating wanker.

And John's new partner would be an idiot to remain in a relationship with him, baby or not.

illuyankas · 08/08/2021 15:26

Seriously, whatever Sarah intended to do, if John was faithful to his new partner, none of this happened.

Stop being deluded and try to see the truth.

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