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Original poster

To think she had this baby out of spite?

577 replies

Nineteeneightynine · 08/08/2021 14:36

Name changed because on the off chance the woman in question uses MN i don't want her knowing who i am by my posting history.

I'll call her Sarah.

Sarah was in a relationship with 'John' and the pair had a child. After 6 years together the relationship came to an end - but during the final 2 years of the relationship Sarah had multiple terminations of unplanned pregnancies because she didn't want more children and the pair were growing apart. The split, however, was instigated by her.

They broke up and 18 months later John met and began a relationship with somebody else. They got engaged and conceived a baby.

Sarah then decided she wanted him back after all.

At this point Sarah became even more difficult (think using her existing child as a weapon)

When Johns partner was heavily pregnant Sarah orchestrated a situation whereby she and John would be alone together, think special occasion under the guise of being for their child's benefit. Alcohol was involved.

Sarah made a pass at John, and because John is a selfish idiot and wasn't getting much 'action' at home with his heavily pregnant fiance, he reciprocated and they had a one night stand. John claims Sarah told him she was on the contraceptive implant so they didn't need to use a condom. John didn't question it and was happy to proceed without.

Soon after, very soon indeed, almost as if she was waiting to test, Sarah tells John she's pregnant and wants him to get back together with her "for their family" and try again.

John doesn't want to re-enter the relationship and wants to stay with his then current partner, who was expected to give birth any day.

Sarah decides that actually 'now' (then) is the perfect time to bring another child into the world and she would be having the baby regardless. Issues ultimatums. Briefly stops contact between John and his existing child when John says he doesn't want another.

Bare in mind that before the relationship ended, Sarah was adamant she didn't want any more children and exercised her right to terminate multiple pregnancies because the time wasn't right and the relationship was failing. It was only after seeing John settling down with somebody else she changed her mind.

Johns partner found out and was understandably crushed, now years later has to co-parent and see that (yes totally innocent) child on a regular basis.

WIBU to believe that Sarah, with all of the above taken into consideration, had this child out of spite?

OP posts:
Greentrianglesarethebestones · 08/08/2021 14:46

Has John never heard of STIs either?

Comedycook · 08/08/2021 14:46

Awwww poor John

LemonViolet · 08/08/2021 14:46

Are you John’s new partner OP?

John is not some innocent victim of a controlling spiteful man eater. John is a cheating arsehole who had unprotected sex with his ex whilst his partner was heavily pregnant, what an absolute scumbag thing to do, I can’t see why any self respecting woman would stay in a relationship with him after finding that out. Even aside from the cheating on pregnant partner, any man not wearing a condom during sex is taking the risk of becoming a father. That’s how it works. He has the option to control his own fertility and he didn’t.

Sarah’s reasoning for continuing her pregnancy is no business of anyone else, and John’s new partner would be much better off dumping his scumbag cheating ass and then she would never need to worry about Sarah’s baby, it’s nothing to do with her.

therocinante · 08/08/2021 14:46

It's irrelevant, really - the baby's here now, what use is the supposed 'motive' for the pregnancy? Even if it was some giant scam/plan, it's not like that information means that John should stop seeing his child. So it doesn't change anything whatsoever.

John is the one who cheated on his partner and John should know better than to trust his ex's word on contraception if she had been so manipulative.

AND, if it was supposedly planned, Sarah must have a clockwork superwomb for it to work perfectly off one orchestrated fuck... seems unlikely to me unless she was planning a series of orchestrated situations until she got pregnant and just got lucky first try.

Clymene · 08/08/2021 14:46

John needs to learn about contraception

HerRoyalRisesAgain · 08/08/2021 14:46

John should have kept it in his pants instead of cheating on his heavily pregnant fiancee

Chikapu · 08/08/2021 14:47

Everybody in this scenario (including you) absolutely sucks.

Kendodd · 08/08/2021 14:47

What a shame for them Jeremy Kile has been cancelled.

Somanysocks · 08/08/2021 14:48

Poor kids, including the ones that didn't get to be born, what an unhinged selfish mess people make of their lives.

FourTeaFallOut · 08/08/2021 14:48

Having a baby out of spite would be the most labour intensive act of vengeance possible. It makes no sense. She'll have had the baby because she wanted the baby. If she just wanted to play the scorned woman she would have slashed his tyres like a normal person Grin

DrSbaitso · 08/08/2021 14:49

@Nineteeneightynine

John is a bastard of the highest order, no doubt about that.

He is totally responsible for the infidelity and not taking precautions on his side to avoid a pregnancy.

However, he was deliberately mislead into believing that there was no chance of a baby being conceived because she was on the implant.

Well if he'd kept it in his pants then there would have been no way of fooling him, would there?

And if he is totally responsible for not taking precautions on his side to avoid a pregnancy, then why does it matter what Sarah told him?

Sarah's irrelevant. He's a gullible and sexually incontinent knob. That's the problem.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 08/08/2021 14:49

Urgh! John sounds like a dick! Sarah sounds bad too but John actually did the cheating!

Original poster
Nineteeneightynine · 08/08/2021 14:49

No arguments from me about what you all think about John. Grade A knob head.

I just cannot fathom why somebody would choose to bring a child into the world under such circumstances, having terminated multiple previous pregnancies because the relationship was on its way out and the timing wasn't right - only to decide she does want another baby with him after all, once he is having one with somebody else.

Of course Sarah's body is her own and she has agency to make whatever decisions she sees fit, but with the history and difficult behaviour on her part in mind, I can't help but think there was an element of spite involved in her decision making.

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 08/08/2021 14:49

@FourTeaFallOut

Having a baby out of spite would be the most labour intensive act of vengeance possible. It makes no sense. She'll have had the baby because she wanted the baby. If she just wanted to play the scorned woman she would have slashed his tyres like a normal person Grin
I like this comment so much I wanted it to appear twice.
BlueLobelia · 08/08/2021 14:49

@LemonViolet

Are you John’s new partner OP?

John is not some innocent victim of a controlling spiteful man eater. John is a cheating arsehole who had unprotected sex with his ex whilst his partner was heavily pregnant, what an absolute scumbag thing to do, I can’t see why any self respecting woman would stay in a relationship with him after finding that out. Even aside from the cheating on pregnant partner, any man not wearing a condom during sex is taking the risk of becoming a father. That’s how it works. He has the option to control his own fertility and he didn’t.

Sarah’s reasoning for continuing her pregnancy is no business of anyone else, and John’s new partner would be much better off dumping his scumbag cheating ass and then she would never need to worry about Sarah’s baby, it’s nothing to do with her.

[applauds]
SarahBellam · 08/08/2021 14:49

John is a stupid opportunistic prick. He was in a relationship with someone else and he cheated on her purely because he could and the opportunity presented itself. It would have been very easy to say no if he wanted to. He's not so stupid he could be coerced into it against his will - he couldn't be that thick surely?

PickAChew · 08/08/2021 14:49

Do they live in Albert Square?

HughGrantsHair · 08/08/2021 14:50

John's partner should run a mile.

AuntieStella · 08/08/2021 14:50

John is the one responsible for all this.

Cheating on his pregnant partner is such a shitty thing to do.

Failing to realise that sex can result in pregnancy is seriously stupid

He has 3 DC now, needs to man up,and do the right thing by all of them

Each woman can make their own choices about their future relationship with this man, but they will have to accept his obligations to all his DC. If that's not right for them, or they know they harbour resentments (entirely understandable on the part of the cheated-on new partner) then moving on as a single parent is a perfectly valid choice

DrSbaitso · 08/08/2021 14:50

@Nineteeneightynine

No arguments from me about what you all think about John. Grade A knob head.

I just cannot fathom why somebody would choose to bring a child into the world under such circumstances, having terminated multiple previous pregnancies because the relationship was on its way out and the timing wasn't right - only to decide she does want another baby with him after all, once he is having one with somebody else.

Of course Sarah's body is her own and she has agency to make whatever decisions she sees fit, but with the history and difficult behaviour on her part in mind, I can't help but think there was an element of spite involved in her decision making.

Whether there was or wasn't is entirely irrelevant. Focus on John. He's the knob and the one you have to deal with.
Greentrianglesarethebestones · 08/08/2021 14:50

Okay OP, if we all agree with you that she did do it out of spite, what difference does it make?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 08/08/2021 14:50

@Nineteeneightynine

John is a bastard of the highest order, no doubt about that.

He is totally responsible for the infidelity and not taking precautions on his side to avoid a pregnancy.

However, he was deliberately mislead into believing that there was no chance of a baby being conceived because she was on the implant.

That's really no excuse. Like not even a little bit. If a man cheats the LEAST he should do is not run the risk of impregnating the other woman or bringing back an STI to his partner.
JillsFlapjacks · 08/08/2021 14:50

John and Sarah sound like they deserve each other. I want comment on the child, how horrible to think of someone's life being brought about from spite. At this point, that doesn't matter.

BlueLobelia · 08/08/2021 14:50

@Nineteeneightynine

No arguments from me about what you all think about John. Grade A knob head.

I just cannot fathom why somebody would choose to bring a child into the world under such circumstances, having terminated multiple previous pregnancies because the relationship was on its way out and the timing wasn't right - only to decide she does want another baby with him after all, once he is having one with somebody else.

Of course Sarah's body is her own and she has agency to make whatever decisions she sees fit, but with the history and difficult behaviour on her part in mind, I can't help but think there was an element of spite involved in her decision making.

or maybe she desperately wanted a baby and thought this was her last chance.

either way John is a scumbag and hopefully his partner on whom he cheated has dumped his sorry lying arse and has moved on.

LifesNotEnidBlyton · 08/08/2021 14:51

Well they both sound like a good match TBH, they should have stayed to together and not inflict themselves on anyone else.

But why do you care enough to have made a thread about people who aren't you "years" after it's happened?

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