To think she had this baby out of spite?

[Nineteeneightynine]

Name changed because on the off chance the woman in question uses MN i don't want her knowing who i am by my posting history.

I'll call her Sarah.

Sarah was in a relationship with 'John' and the pair had a child. After 6 years together the relationship came to an end - but during the final 2 years of the relationship Sarah had multiple terminations of unplanned pregnancies because she didn't want more children and the pair were growing apart. The split, however, was instigated by her.

They broke up and 18 months later John met and began a relationship with somebody else. They got engaged and conceived a baby.

Sarah then decided she wanted him back after all.

At this point Sarah became even more difficult (think using her existing child as a weapon)

When Johns partner was heavily pregnant Sarah orchestrated a situation whereby she and John would be alone together, think special occasion under the guise of being for their child's benefit. Alcohol was involved.

Sarah made a pass at John, and because John is a selfish idiot and wasn't getting much 'action' at home with his heavily pregnant fiance, he reciprocated and they had a one night stand. John claims Sarah told him she was on the contraceptive implant so they didn't need to use a condom. John didn't question it and was happy to proceed without.

Soon after, very soon indeed, almost as if she was waiting to test, Sarah tells John she's pregnant and wants him to get back together with her "for their family" and try again.

John doesn't want to re-enter the relationship and wants to stay with his then current partner, who was expected to give birth any day.

Sarah decides that actually 'now' (then) is the perfect time to bring another child into the world and she would be having the baby regardless. Issues ultimatums. Briefly stops contact between John and his existing child when John says he doesn't want another.

Bare in mind that before the relationship ended, Sarah was adamant she didn't want any more children and exercised her right to terminate multiple pregnancies because the time wasn't right and the relationship was failing. It was only after seeing John settling down with somebody else she changed her mind.

Johns partner found out and was understandably crushed, now years later has to co-parent and see that (yes totally innocent) child on a regular basis.

WIBU to believe that Sarah, with all of the above taken into consideration, had this child out of spite?

John sounds like a bit of a wanker and Sarah is a cow

Do you even know who was the driving force behind her previous decisions to terminate?

Yes, her decision every time.

I think there is most likely quite a bit more to the story

What else can John do when a women is so captivated by him but to oblige

Sarah and John deserve each other. The partner also has agency to walk away but has chosen to stay knowing what John has done. Personally I think they've got rocks in their head staying with such a man. He will do it again, absolutely no doubt.

If what you said is true I think Sarah is a psychopath who seems to use sex and children as weapons with only her own self intresin mind and without any regard to the children or other peoples well being.

As you are none of the 3 people in this scenario, why do you even care?

Both John and Sarah are shits of the highest order.

just wondering why after terminating multiple pregnancies when they were together she decided that the one conceived out of infidelity when the new partner was heavily pregnant was the one to keep.

Maybe John coerced her into terminating those pregnancies and she felt able to keep this one because she wasn't under John's control any more
Did you think of that?

Wow John is a right prick isn’t he?

I’m finding it hard to focus on Sarah’s alleged wrongdoings when that arsehole cheated on his pregnant fiancée. That’s the real moral low point in this story.

Perhaps she conceived for wrongheaded reasons, perhaps she didn’t. John = cunt regardless and I can’t understand why she’d either want him back or choose to have a child with him.

OP, I don’t see how this is your business? Or how the question posed in the title is in any way productive?

FWIW I'm not suggesting she should have aborted, just wondering why after terminating multiple pregnancies when they were together she decided that the one conceived out of infidelity when the new partner was heavily pregnant was the one to keep.

Well, some possibilities to satisfy your innocent wondering:

John refused to use protection and forced or pressured her to terminate instead. Not an unknown practice in men who treat women like dirt.

Sarah wanted his child and thought he would come round each time. Once the relationship was over, she knew she would probably have no more chances (though who knows, he's a total shit).

Sarah wasn't ready for a child before but is now.

Sarah didn't realise how much she wanted a child until they split up.

Who the fuck knows? Who cares? Your question should be why this twat can't better himself.

Why did John’s partner stay with him after this?

id keep out of the entire shitshow and reduce contact heavily

How do you know she terminated the previous pregnancies of her own free will? John sounds exactly the sort to put the pressure on with regards to getting an abortion. And regardless of any of that, it's her body, once she's pregnant its then up to her whether or not she allows a pregnancy to continue.

John is a dickhead. I highly doubt he's an innocent little lamb, plied with drink and seduced into shagging his ex.

Well, John's awful isn't he? I feel most sorry for his partner. He chose to be unfaithful and stick his dick into someone else.

I don't know if spite was involved, but the original woman certainly either wanted him back desperately or she wanted to get back at him. Either way she didn't really think about the baby she brought into the world. Or the fact that the father of the baby was a grade A twat.

@Nineteeneightynine

Do you even know who was the driving force behind her previous decisions to terminate?

Yes, her decision every time.

You know such a lot about her, I wonder why you can't ask her this burning question yourself.

Maybe John coerced her into terminating those pregnancies and she felt able to keep this one because she wasn't under John's control any more. Did you think of that?

That was categorically not the case.

Are you involved in this situation? If you aren't, it is better to stay uninvolved.

How come even though you know John is a cheating scumbag you believe his version of events?

Not sure why the multiple terminations are of any relevance TBH. They are Sarah's business alone. She will have had her reasons. It's pretty nasty to make this the focus of any speculation about this scenario, which apparently has nothing to do with you.

Who are you in relation to all these people and why do you need your opinion validated several years later?

Definitely sounds like some spite was involved and some pre planning on her part. John also sounds like an idiot.

That was categorically not the case.

You are Sarah then, if you know this, categorically?

You know such a lot about her, I wonder why you can't ask her this burning question yourself

For all you know I have.

This is one of the parents posting here I reckon.

What it boils down to is (your son I'm guessing?) John shouldn't have been a naughty boy. If he showed more strength then it wouldn't have given her the opportunity to do this. I feel sorry for his pregnant partner the most, and the kids. John and Sarah's feelings are irrelevant here.

They all sound like they are lacking a few brain cells and morality to be honest. Multiple abortions - totally unecessary, you learn and use extra contraceptive. getting pregnant after a one night stand - yes very likely pre planned. Shagging around when your partner is heavily pregnant and previously not taking responsibility for contraception yourself when your partner has had multiple terminations is unforgivable. Getting together with a bloke who clearly has few morals is dubious but appreciate new partner may not have been aware of what he is like.