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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think she had this baby out of spite?

577 replies

Nineteeneightynine · 08/08/2021 14:36

Name changed because on the off chance the woman in question uses MN i don't want her knowing who i am by my posting history.

I'll call her Sarah.

Sarah was in a relationship with 'John' and the pair had a child. After 6 years together the relationship came to an end - but during the final 2 years of the relationship Sarah had multiple terminations of unplanned pregnancies because she didn't want more children and the pair were growing apart. The split, however, was instigated by her.

They broke up and 18 months later John met and began a relationship with somebody else. They got engaged and conceived a baby.

Sarah then decided she wanted him back after all.

At this point Sarah became even more difficult (think using her existing child as a weapon)

When Johns partner was heavily pregnant Sarah orchestrated a situation whereby she and John would be alone together, think special occasion under the guise of being for their child's benefit. Alcohol was involved.

Sarah made a pass at John, and because John is a selfish idiot and wasn't getting much 'action' at home with his heavily pregnant fiance, he reciprocated and they had a one night stand. John claims Sarah told him she was on the contraceptive implant so they didn't need to use a condom. John didn't question it and was happy to proceed without.

Soon after, very soon indeed, almost as if she was waiting to test, Sarah tells John she's pregnant and wants him to get back together with her "for their family" and try again.

John doesn't want to re-enter the relationship and wants to stay with his then current partner, who was expected to give birth any day.

Sarah decides that actually 'now' (then) is the perfect time to bring another child into the world and she would be having the baby regardless. Issues ultimatums. Briefly stops contact between John and his existing child when John says he doesn't want another.

Bare in mind that before the relationship ended, Sarah was adamant she didn't want any more children and exercised her right to terminate multiple pregnancies because the time wasn't right and the relationship was failing. It was only after seeing John settling down with somebody else she changed her mind.

Johns partner found out and was understandably crushed, now years later has to co-parent and see that (yes totally innocent) child on a regular basis.

WIBU to believe that Sarah, with all of the above taken into consideration, had this child out of spite?

OP posts:
VeganCheesePlease · 08/08/2021 15:02

@Nineteeneightynine

John is a bastard of the highest order, no doubt about that.

He is totally responsible for the infidelity and not taking precautions on his side to avoid a pregnancy.

However, he was deliberately mislead into believing that there was no chance of a baby being conceived because she was on the implant.

Sorry but YABU. You don't get to cheat on your partner then act the victim because you were lied to about their contraceptive status.
Original poster
Nineteeneightynine · 08/08/2021 15:02

I'm not John's partner so any attacks directed at me as though I am are wasted Grin

OP posts:
TinaYouFatLard · 08/08/2021 15:03

These poor kids.

Assuming you are New Partner OP, how are you lot going to explain this shitty situation to the kids when they are older? Your child has a sibling less than 9 months younger than them with their dad’s ex-wife. I’ve seen similar set ups and it’s really upsetting for the kids when they realise what that means.

If you are NP you should leave with your child. Be a better person than the other pair of losers.

LagunaBubbles · 08/08/2021 15:03

However, he was deliberately mislead into believing that there was no chance of a baby being conceived because she was on the implant.

What a load of rubbish just so desperate for a shag he didn't care more likely. Anyway you're clearly his partner good luck!

Plumtree391 · 08/08/2021 15:03

I wonder if Sarah is pregnant or just saying she is.

John was irresponsible, no doubt about that. stupid man. What on earth will his fiance say?

I can't get over Sarah having multiple terminations when contraception is available. Of course nothing is 100% but most people manage to avoid pregnancy if they want to - certainly several pregnancies!

Doyoumind · 08/08/2021 15:04

I suspect you've only ever heard his side on the abortions etc. I don't think she had the child out of spite. I think she wanted him back. I really don't see why so much if the blame is pinned on her. Why aren't you focusing on him?

EverybodyIsInteresting · 08/08/2021 15:04

John must be thick as mince. If they managed to conceive multiple times when they didn't want a baby prior to splitting up, he must realise these things can happen.

I would also be interested if a DNA test has been done... entrapment is a thing...

MotionActivatedDog · 08/08/2021 15:04

I think John has caused enough pregnancies and really needs to tie a knot in it.

Greentrianglesarethebestones · 08/08/2021 15:04

@Nineteeneightynine

I'm not John's partner so any attacks directed at me as though I am are wasted Grin
Then it makes even less sense that you care so much about "Sarah's" motivations.
larkstar · 08/08/2021 15:04

What proof was there that this was John's baby?

DrSbaitso · 08/08/2021 15:04

@Nineteeneightynine

I'm not John's partner so any attacks directed at me as though I am are wasted Grin
Even less reason for all of this to concern you, especially in blaming women for men's shittiness. Which is what you're doing when your focal point is how awful SHE is. For choosing not to abort a baby.
LemonViolet · 08/08/2021 15:05

Then what business is it of yours OP?

It’s a nasty, judgemental thing to be picking apart someone’s rationale for not having an abortion.

Original poster
Nineteeneightynine · 08/08/2021 15:05

@Plumtree391

I wonder if Sarah is pregnant or just saying she is.

John was irresponsible, no doubt about that. stupid man. What on earth will his fiance say?

I can't get over Sarah having multiple terminations when contraception is available. Of course nothing is 100% but most people manage to avoid pregnancy if they want to - certainly several pregnancies!

She was definitely pregnant, the little one is now 3.
OP posts:
RickJames · 08/08/2021 15:05

John and Sarah both sound like cunts.

I hope all the children are well looked-after and loved. That is all.

MotionActivatedDog · 08/08/2021 15:07

I’m more interested in John’s motivations and why he wanted to have unprotected sex with someone else while he had a partner who was pregnant and who presumably he was also having unprotected sex with putting her and her unborn baby at risk.

HoppingPavlova · 08/08/2021 15:07

No woman in her right mind would touch John with a 10 foot pole. Honestly, throw in a Gender Reveal as well and it could be up there on Jezza Kyle.

BritWifeInUSA · 08/08/2021 15:07

@Nineteeneightynine

John is a bastard of the highest order, no doubt about that.

He is totally responsible for the infidelity and not taking precautions on his side to avoid a pregnancy.

However, he was deliberately mislead into believing that there was no chance of a baby being conceived because she was on the implant.

You are obviously John’s “fiancée”.

So you are more upset that Sarah lied about the contraception than you are about the fact that your so-called boyfriend was shagging his ex-girlfriend - and don’t kid yourself that it happened just once, you’re surely not that naive.

You picked a loser. Unfortunately you also made a baby with a loser. Trying to find fault with Sarah doesn’t diminish his actions.

Original poster
Nineteeneightynine · 08/08/2021 15:07

@LemonViolet

Then what business is it of yours OP?

It’s a nasty, judgemental thing to be picking apart someone’s rationale for not having an abortion.

I don't think so, it's anonymous and I've changed names to protect identities.

FWIW I'm not suggesting she should have aborted, just wondering why after terminating multiple pregnancies when they were together she decided that the one conceived out of infidelity when the new partner was heavily pregnant was the one to keep.

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 08/08/2021 15:07

If she's still in love with him, then having his baby when she's presumably not going to get another opportunity (though with him, who knows) is probably going to be driven by the total opposite of spite.

Do you even know who was the driving force behind her previous decisions to terminate?

TatianaBis · 08/08/2021 15:08

I'd imagine that Sarah has tried to find a new partner to have a child with and failed. Figured she'd like two kids to have the same father. Knew what John was like. Hey presto.

Why focus on Sarah's spite rather than John's? What's John's excuse?

Why do you care why Sarah did this if you aren't involved?

Seeleyboo · 08/08/2021 15:08

Why have you painted John as the poor drunken sailor and Sarah as the slutty mermaid he couldn't resist. The only one who did wrong here is John. After all he was in a committed relationship with a heavily pregnant woman. As for Sarah, what difference does it make why she had the child. The child is here now.

Original poster
Nineteeneightynine · 08/08/2021 15:08

@MotionActivatedDog

I’m more interested in John’s motivations and why he wanted to have unprotected sex with someone else while he had a partner who was pregnant and who presumably he was also having unprotected sex with putting her and her unborn baby at risk.
Because John is a self serving wanker that didn't think about anybody bar himself in that moment IMO.
OP posts:
AGirlCalledJohnny · 08/08/2021 15:08

@Nineteeneightynine

John is a bastard of the highest order, no doubt about that.

He is totally responsible for the infidelity and not taking precautions on his side to avoid a pregnancy.

However, he was deliberately mislead into believing that there was no chance of a baby being conceived because she was on the implant.

Oh please!
SmokeyDevil · 08/08/2021 15:08

@inmyslippers

I don't think it matters why she had the child. Her and John sound like they deserve each other
This. He's a shit for cheating on his partner. She's a shit for chasing a man who wasn't single. They deserve each, shit should have shit, no one else should have to deal with it.

John's partner is a fool for staying with him.

Sleepyhungryfattyanddoc · 08/08/2021 15:08

YABU for caring about sarah
She couldn’t be more irrelevant in this story

John got in a situation he shouldn’t have been in
John cheated on his heavily pregnant partner
John used the fact that his heavily pregnant partner was not servicing him enough so he basically had no choice. Which is disgusting and a sign for the future anyway.
John chose not to use a condom and take the risk of pregnancy and stds.

John is responsible for his own sexual health and pregnancy risks. John is a grown man who is not ‘tricked’ because he is a helpless moron. John is benefiting from being the victim here

John is also likely the one telling this story of being tricked into having sex and into not using contraception which means we can take that story with a pinch of salt.

If John made any one of those decisions differently it would not matter how sarah behaved.

I’d also be interested to know if it’s also John’s word that we have to base the fact that sarah said she was on contraception and that sarah has had multiple terminations.

How Do we know sarah wasnt on contraception that’s failed?

Maybe now is a better time for sarah to have a baby. So what. That’s her choice.

So ridiculous and embarrassing.