To think she had this baby out of spite?

[Nineteeneightynine]

Name changed because on the off chance the woman in question uses MN i don't want her knowing who i am by my posting history.

I'll call her Sarah.

Sarah was in a relationship with 'John' and the pair had a child. After 6 years together the relationship came to an end - but during the final 2 years of the relationship Sarah had multiple terminations of unplanned pregnancies because she didn't want more children and the pair were growing apart. The split, however, was instigated by her.

They broke up and 18 months later John met and began a relationship with somebody else. They got engaged and conceived a baby.

Sarah then decided she wanted him back after all.

At this point Sarah became even more difficult (think using her existing child as a weapon)

When Johns partner was heavily pregnant Sarah orchestrated a situation whereby she and John would be alone together, think special occasion under the guise of being for their child's benefit. Alcohol was involved.

Sarah made a pass at John, and because John is a selfish idiot and wasn't getting much 'action' at home with his heavily pregnant fiance, he reciprocated and they had a one night stand. John claims Sarah told him she was on the contraceptive implant so they didn't need to use a condom. John didn't question it and was happy to proceed without.

Soon after, very soon indeed, almost as if she was waiting to test, Sarah tells John she's pregnant and wants him to get back together with her "for their family" and try again.

John doesn't want to re-enter the relationship and wants to stay with his then current partner, who was expected to give birth any day.

Sarah decides that actually 'now' (then) is the perfect time to bring another child into the world and she would be having the baby regardless. Issues ultimatums. Briefly stops contact between John and his existing child when John says he doesn't want another.

Bare in mind that before the relationship ended, Sarah was adamant she didn't want any more children and exercised her right to terminate multiple pregnancies because the time wasn't right and the relationship was failing. It was only after seeing John settling down with somebody else she changed her mind.

Johns partner found out and was understandably crushed, now years later has to co-parent and see that (yes totally innocent) child on a regular basis.

WIBU to believe that Sarah, with all of the above taken into consideration, had this child out of spite?

John sounds like a weasel if you ask me! She doesn’t sound much better as she slept with him while she knew his partner was heavily pregnant, but at the end of the day she wasn’t the one in a relationship and he should have had more self control.

The reasons for keeping the baby are her own. Maybe she had done some soul searching, regretted the other abortions and couldn’t face another. Who knows, but it was her choice to make whatever.

Frankly the whole situation sounds a nightmare and johns partner should have sent him packing when he cheated. They chose not to and now they must live with the consequences of that decision.

Maybe you should tell your partner (John) and see what he thinks. You’ve written him as very passive whereby Sarah the Siren sneakily orchestrated for them to be alone together, plied him with alcohol then lied about contraception but I’m willing to bet you’ve heard all this from John, who cheated on you presumably.

He knew she had a history of becoming pregnant then terminating so he was aware contraception isn’t her strong suit. He chose to sleep with her, she got pregnant (shocker) and then kept it, possibly to try and win him back, possibly because she was desperate for a baby. The only one who knows if it was spite is Sarah.

The good thing about a man who keeps it in his pants is that you never have to trouble yourself about the very important question of his OW's reasons for deciding to keep his baby.

Who cares why she wanted the child, John was the one stupid enough to cheat on his partner so that's on him.

Your repeated mentioning of her previous terminations is not only really distasteful but also none of your business. It is her choice alone whether to continue with a pregnancy.

If you are John's second baby mama you are stupid for staying with a man who isn't over his ex. I'd be so embarrassed to stay with a man who went and had a child younger than ours with his ex 🤮 he doesn't respect his partner.

I'm guessing you are the heavily pregnant girlfriend...

TBH, Sarah sounds like a knob. But John should have kept it in his pants. Why does he keep having sex with her?!

But if you are not the pregnant girlfriend... why would you care?

maybe she desperately wanted a baby and thought this was her last chance

But she didn't want another baby with him, or at all, when the opportunities arose before the split?

She's early 30's so has plenty of fertile years left.

However, he was deliberately mislead into believing that there was no chance of a baby being conceived because she was on the implant.
As well as being a cheating b@5t@rd he is a gullible idiot for thinking and/or believing this. The only way there was no chance of conceiving was if he didn't have sex with her, it's that simple. Sarah is a manipulative liar, John is an untrustworthy cheater. I feel sorry for their kids. I'm guessing you are John's second partner. 18 months in and you're engaged and giving birth, seems like you rushed into it too. What a mess.

However, he was deliberately mislead into believing that there was no chance of a baby being conceived because she was on the implant.

Nope, doesn’t wash as an excuse. They both conceived the child through their own selfish actions “John” is just as much to blame as “Sarah”. He is worse as he’s he one who’s cheated on his partner although she is basically as bad for having sex with someone she knew was in a relationship.

The previous terminated pregnancies are nothing to do with this messy scenario and literally no one else’s business except for “Sarah’s”.

But John knows she has become pregnant in the past. Is he so stupid after impregnating two women (one multiple times) that he didn’t think ‘hmm better take responsibility for my own protection here and use a condom while I cheat on my pregnant partner - Sarah does get pregnant to me a lot after all and has said she wants me back.’

@Nineteeneightynine

maybe she desperately wanted a baby and thought this was her last chance

But she didn't want another baby with him, or at all, when the opportunities arose before the split?

She's early 30's so has plenty of fertile years left.

Who cares???

Your partner is a shit who crapped on his family. Stop deflecting it on to the woman and hold him entirely responsible! Start threads asking us questions about what a turd HE is!

@FourTeaFallOut

Having a baby out of spite would be the most labour intensive act of vengeance possible. It makes no sense. She'll have had the baby because she wanted the baby. If she just wanted to play the scorned woman she would have slashed his tyres like a normal person

Haha yep! Why would anyone have a baby out of spite

If men just wore a condom regardless of what contraception they are told a woman is on, the world would be a much messy place.

much less messy place

I can't understand why either woman wants John.

He sounds very weak and pathetic. And he's a cheat who can't take responsibility for his own contraception and sexual health.

If this is how he behaves while his new partner is pregnant and he's not getting much 'action' god help her if she becomes pregnant again, or becomes ill in the future and can't have sex for a while, or when she goes through the menopause.

I think the new partner has far more to worry about as far as John and his cheating is concerned than what Sarah's motives from years ago might have been.

Sarah and John clearly both just like making babies, why didn’t they use contraception in the last 2 years rather than just aborting baby after baby? They both sound as stupid as each other. I doubt he checked about the contraception the last time or took much persuading as he clearly enjoys the drama! They deserve each other.

@Nineteeneightynine

maybe she desperately wanted a baby and thought this was her last chance

But she didn't want another baby with him, or at all, when the opportunities arose before the split?

She's early 30's so has plenty of fertile years left.

Literally none of your business why she kept this baby

Having a contraceptive implant does not mean there is "no chance of a baby being conceived"

Maybe Sarah wanted to have a baby out of spite, maybe out of desperation. Maybe it was neither. Regardless of her intentions, John is the one who has cheated and caused a horrible situation and sounds like a thoroughly vile man.

They have both behaved abysmally.

This thread came about as a result of a conversation I was just having offline, me and the other party both think there was an element of spite in having a child in those circumstances.

However, he was deliberately mislead into believing that there was no chance of a baby being conceived because she was on the implant.

This wouldn't be an issue if he hadn't cheated. That's on him.

She couldn't have had a baby (out of spite or otherwise) if that cheating bastard had kept it in his pants.

Understandably, he struggled to say no since she orchestrated some alone time and the poor wee sausage wasn't getting sex from his very heavily pregnant partner,and, as we all know, a man's sex drive is definitely the most important thing in the world

Why do you care enough to have made a thread about people who aren't you "years" after it's happened?

This.

John has no agency here does he?

John's partner is an absolute mug who stays with a man who cheated on her when she was heavily pregnant and really only knows what John has told her about Sarah. John absolutely will and likely HAS cheated since Sarah.

@JaffaRaf

Sarah and John clearly both just like making babies, why didn’t they use contraception in the last 2 years rather than just aborting baby after baby? They both sound as stupid as each other. I doubt he checked about the contraception the last time or took much persuading as he clearly enjoys the drama! They deserve each other.

I totally agree with this.

@Nineteeneightynine

They have both behaved abysmally.

This thread came about as a result of a conversation I was just having offline, me and the other party both think there was an element of spite in having a child in those circumstances.

But so what?

@Nineteeneightynine

They have both behaved abysmally.

This thread came about as a result of a conversation I was just having offline, me and the other party both think there was an element of spite in having a child in those circumstances.

So what?

Man plays around, shits on pregnant partner and your focus is how horrible the OW must be for not aborting his baby. Do you hear yourself?