To think she had this baby out of spite?

[Nineteeneightynine]

Name changed because on the off chance the woman in question uses MN i don't want her knowing who i am by my posting history.

I'll call her Sarah.

Sarah was in a relationship with 'John' and the pair had a child. After 6 years together the relationship came to an end - but during the final 2 years of the relationship Sarah had multiple terminations of unplanned pregnancies because she didn't want more children and the pair were growing apart. The split, however, was instigated by her.

They broke up and 18 months later John met and began a relationship with somebody else. They got engaged and conceived a baby.

Sarah then decided she wanted him back after all.

At this point Sarah became even more difficult (think using her existing child as a weapon)

When Johns partner was heavily pregnant Sarah orchestrated a situation whereby she and John would be alone together, think special occasion under the guise of being for their child's benefit. Alcohol was involved.

Sarah made a pass at John, and because John is a selfish idiot and wasn't getting much 'action' at home with his heavily pregnant fiance, he reciprocated and they had a one night stand. John claims Sarah told him she was on the contraceptive implant so they didn't need to use a condom. John didn't question it and was happy to proceed without.

Soon after, very soon indeed, almost as if she was waiting to test, Sarah tells John she's pregnant and wants him to get back together with her "for their family" and try again.

John doesn't want to re-enter the relationship and wants to stay with his then current partner, who was expected to give birth any day.

Sarah decides that actually 'now' (then) is the perfect time to bring another child into the world and she would be having the baby regardless. Issues ultimatums. Briefly stops contact between John and his existing child when John says he doesn't want another.

Bare in mind that before the relationship ended, Sarah was adamant she didn't want any more children and exercised her right to terminate multiple pregnancies because the time wasn't right and the relationship was failing. It was only after seeing John settling down with somebody else she changed her mind.

Johns partner found out and was understandably crushed, now years later has to co-parent and see that (yes totally innocent) child on a regular basis.

WIBU to believe that Sarah, with all of the above taken into consideration, had this child out of spite?

@Nineteeneightynine

John is a bastard of the highest order, no doubt about that.

He is totally responsible for the infidelity and not taking precautions on his side to avoid a pregnancy.

However, he was deliberately mislead into believing that there was no chance of a baby being conceived because she was on the implant.

Bullshit alert! So John was so pissed he accidentally slept with an ex, but sober enough to be 100% sure he asked if she was on contraception (a question I’ve never know a man to ask, they just tell people they did when the woman gets pregnant)? Sure he did….

I have read posts on here before about a woman telling the man
she's on contraception when she isn't, a baby is conceived because the man thinks they're covered and doesn't take his own precautions then what do you know, she's pregnant

Could you hide your misogyny better?

So how about every single man out there takes responsibility for his own actions. Use a condom every single time they have sex, because no contraception is ever 100% or and this is the absolute killer one, dont stick your penis in some woman.

If men took precautions like abstaining then there would be no unwanted children out there. See how easy that is.

OP how do you know about all these terminations Sarah has allegedly had? Did John tell you?

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

It is rather fascinating, this thread.

SOmetimes women DO do things with base intentions.

I was watching a youtube video from someone who likes to talk about murder cases - the one I watched yesterday was about a woman called Cordelia Botkin, who murdered her lover's ex-wife because her lover decided he wanted to get back with said ex-wife. This narrative is clearly way less damaging than that one, because no one died, but the spite factor is still a possibility.

Yeah and I saw this thing once where a man lied to make himself look less responsible for a situation. Who’d have thunk it 🤷‍♀️

@Naunet

OP how do you know about all these terminations Sarah has allegedly had? Did John tell you?

I know about the first 2 from Sarah herself, the third I admit came from John.

I just want to say that all of this defending shitty behaviour just because the person in question is a woman is doing nobody any favours. In real life we all know people who do shitty things with an end goal in mind. We've all met women who are capable of being calculating and spiteful.

No amount of blind defence of Sarah is going to convince me that she is any less of a shit than John is.

They're both arseholes.

As I said previously, I know how mumsnet goes. We all know that if Sarah posted herself she would be told in no uncertain terms she has been, at best, very stupid.

Yeah and I saw this thing once where a man lied to make himself look less responsible for a situation. Who’d have thunk it

Right so the man is solely responsible is he? Because that's the impression I'm getting here "it's ALL johns fault"

No.

He should have taken responsibility for his own contraception, but somebody who has had multiple TOP's certainly should be doing aswell.

Personally if I had ever been in the unfortunate position of needing to terminate I would make damn sure I'm never in that position again.

No lessons were learned for either of them clearly.

No amount of blind defence of Sarah is going to convince me that she is any less of a shit than John is.

No one is blindly defending her. No doubt she's been incredibly stupid and selfish to get caught up in a mess like this.

What we are saying is you only know what you've been told and her reasons for having a child after previously having had abortions are none of your business.
You come across like you believe anyone who has an abortion has no right to a child afterwards, which is ridiculous.
You also seem to be sticking up for John a lot, despite him not only getting Sarah pregnant, but cheating on his already pregnant fiancee, and risking giving her an STI because "he's got asoergers/LD/he was drunk"
None of that is a good enough reason to stick your dick in another woman.

Twenty two pages in, I still don't understand what you wanted to achieve with this thread, OP, especially since you're so convinced that you're right anyway.

And it IS all John's fault that he slept with someone else when he had a heavily pregnant partner. It is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT his fault.

@Nineteeneightynine

Yeah and I saw this thing once where a man lied to make himself look less responsible for a situation. Who’d have thunk it

Right so the man is solely responsible is he? Because that's the impression I'm getting here "it's ALL johns fault"

No.

He should have taken responsibility for his own contraception, but somebody who has had multiple TOP's certainly should be doing aswell.

Personally if I had ever been in the unfortunate position of needing to terminate I would make damn sure I'm never in that position again.

No lessons were learned for either of them clearly.

Yeah again, where’s your proof this very drunk man asked if she was on contraception?

No I don't believe that anybody who has an abortion has no right to a child afterwards.

What I believe is that abortion shouldn't be used as an excuse for people to be reckless with their contraception, IE "oh it doesn't matter if I get caught up pregnant, I can just abort"

You think that doesn't happen?

It certainly does.

"Shit, another pregnancy. Ok let's abort"

Rinse and repeat until such a time when a so called accidental pregnancy can be used as leverage or a tool to getting something you want, in this case an ex back.

I know that's been the case because I have SEEN it with my own eyes. What part of that aren't you understanding? I have been on the sidelines of this shit show for nigh on ten years.

You lot are reaching your conclusions based on a post not first hand experience. If you are lucky enough not to have people like these two in your family then good for you.

Jeremy Kyle has got to find his guests somewhere though hasn't he?!

Anyway, I'm off to work. Ciao.

Depending on who you are, it's none of your business. If you're the new partner, I'd be throwing John out.

Those poor children
Will they all go to the same school ?

What I believe is that abortion shouldn't be used as an excuse for people to be reckless with their contraception, IE "oh it doesn't matter if I get caught up pregnant, I can just abort"
You have no proof this was the case. Merely that she's had 3 abortions.
I dont discuss the details of my abortion with people, especially those who love to gossip.

You lot are reaching your conclusions based on a post not first hand experience.

Well, given that you knew that was all we could get, why did you bother?

I've seen a lot of OPs get snarky when their attempt to start an online symbolic lynching didn't work out as they planned, but I don't think I've ever seen anyone keep at it round the clock to the extent you're doing, years after the fact. I can't imagine the amount of energy you must be expending on this, and it's all misplaced since it's 100% John the Sperminator's doing.

You'd do better going back to your lovely family member and having your mudslinging with them. They obviously agree with you, and you'll get what you're looking for.

What I believe is that abortion shouldn't be used as an excuse for people to be reckless with their contraception, IE "oh it doesn't matter if I get caught up pregnant, I can just abort”
You think that doesn't happen?

It certainly does

"Shit, another pregnancy. Ok let's abort"

You realise this was exactly what John has done too? She’s had 3 terminations according to him, why didn’t he start using contraception rather than relying on her having an abortion?

@HerRoyalRisesAgain

What I believe is that abortion shouldn't be used as an excuse for people to be reckless with their contraception, IE "oh it doesn't matter if I get caught up pregnant, I can just abort" You have no proof this was the case. Merely that she's had 3 abortions. I dont discuss the details of my abortion with people, especially those who love to gossip.

Oh give over, three abortions in two years.

Nobody who is taking due care to avoid pregnancy is that unlucky.

Deluded.

And it IS all John's fault that he slept with someone else when he had a heavily pregnant partner. It is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT his fault.

This. Put it on a placard.

You realise this was exactly what John has done too? She’s had 3 terminations according to him, why didn’t he start using contraception rather than relying on her having an abortion?

Quite

Nobody who is taking due care to avoid pregnancy is that unlucky.

John is just as responsible for those pregnancies as her.

Why did he repeatedly keep impregnating a woman who he knew didn't want a child? Why did he not wear a condom?

They're both bad, and your defence of John is just pathetic.

Nobody who is taking due care to avoid pregnancy is that unlucky. and you'd think John would know that and wrap his dick up.

The fact that you are so invested in this makes very clear that you're not an impartial observer. My money is on you being the new GF.

My advice is to leave him. He's a piece of shit. The baby with Sarah is the only time you know for certain that he cheated, but there will have been others - 100%.

Or better yet NOT CHEAT ON HIS HEAVILY PREGNANT FIANCÉE.

Wouldn't playing away be a good enough reason, if one were needed, to put a sock on the pickle?

Or maybe, just have a wank and respect the fact that your other half is pregnant with your hideous chud of a child.

But I'm not letting her off. She's engineered the situation and then lied about the birth control.

Doesn't excuse either of them they're both shits in their own special way.

@Pazuzu

Wouldn't playing away be a good enough reason, if one were needed, to put a sock on the pickle?

Or maybe, just have a wank and respect the fact that your other half is pregnant with your hideous chud of a child.

But I'm not letting her off. She's engineered the situation and then lied about the birth control.

Doesn't excuse either of them they're both shits in their own special way.

We don’t know she lied about birth control, we just know that John claims she did.