To think she had this baby out of spite?

[Nineteeneightynine]

Name changed because on the off chance the woman in question uses MN i don't want her knowing who i am by my posting history.

I'll call her Sarah.

Sarah was in a relationship with 'John' and the pair had a child. After 6 years together the relationship came to an end - but during the final 2 years of the relationship Sarah had multiple terminations of unplanned pregnancies because she didn't want more children and the pair were growing apart. The split, however, was instigated by her.

They broke up and 18 months later John met and began a relationship with somebody else. They got engaged and conceived a baby.

Sarah then decided she wanted him back after all.

At this point Sarah became even more difficult (think using her existing child as a weapon)

When Johns partner was heavily pregnant Sarah orchestrated a situation whereby she and John would be alone together, think special occasion under the guise of being for their child's benefit. Alcohol was involved.

Sarah made a pass at John, and because John is a selfish idiot and wasn't getting much 'action' at home with his heavily pregnant fiance, he reciprocated and they had a one night stand. John claims Sarah told him she was on the contraceptive implant so they didn't need to use a condom. John didn't question it and was happy to proceed without.

Soon after, very soon indeed, almost as if she was waiting to test, Sarah tells John she's pregnant and wants him to get back together with her "for their family" and try again.

John doesn't want to re-enter the relationship and wants to stay with his then current partner, who was expected to give birth any day.

Sarah decides that actually 'now' (then) is the perfect time to bring another child into the world and she would be having the baby regardless. Issues ultimatums. Briefly stops contact between John and his existing child when John says he doesn't want another.

Bare in mind that before the relationship ended, Sarah was adamant she didn't want any more children and exercised her right to terminate multiple pregnancies because the time wasn't right and the relationship was failing. It was only after seeing John settling down with somebody else she changed her mind.

Johns partner found out and was understandably crushed, now years later has to co-parent and see that (yes totally innocent) child on a regular basis.

WIBU to believe that Sarah, with all of the above taken into consideration, had this child out of spite?

I blame John almost entirely.

Sarah's pregnancy history is none of your business. I wouldn't believe everything John says about Sarah either.

Are you sure, Capt Skippy?

I’d guarantee John is not telling the truth. These men never do.

Downthewarren:

Would like to know who OP is in this scenario!
........
The op has explained a few times. She knows both John and Sarah, is not personally involved. She was thinking about the scenario this afternoon and wanted to ask what others thought.

Yabu unless your John or Sarah you cant possibly know if they even discussed contraception

He is the cheater

You’re the new partner, right?

Well it's been interesting reading your posts, I can see that the majority of posters think my opinion is unreasonable but the poll itself is more divided.

@Emmelina

You’re the new partner, right?

No, nor am I John or his mother.

I'm not going to say who I am bar a relative, I don't want any further drama as it's the children who suffer and I can assure you if either of them got wind of me posting this there would be nothing but.

If you are a relative of John then you’re only going to get poor John’s side of the story.
If you are a relative of Sarah then you wouldn’t know John’s side and she’d have lied to you about being on the implant.
So it’s impossible for you to have any idea of what’s going on apart from the side of the story they choose to tell you.

YABVU

Firstly, John is a grown man and shouldn’t have put himself in the position with his ex in the first place.

Two, unless you are his partner or actually involved with him romantically, none of this is any of your business. It seems you just posted it to slag off another woman and wanting others to join in. Plus, if I read correctly the child is three years old now so why are you posting about it and asking opinions on a situation that you refuse to say how you’re involved in (unless I missed it) and that’s already happened?

I’m guessing John’s younger sister.

If you are a relative of John then you’re only going to get poor John’s side of the story.

No, I have heard from Sarah too. We all have.

I know her.

I have also been privy to details of the family court proceedings that ensued when she stopped contact of the eldest child when he refused to go back to her.

I have seen many a tirade of abuse, from her to him, some deserved granted, but it made for a much deeper insight into the type of person she is and how she uses her children as pawns.

John = twat
Sarah = twat

Nineteeneightynine

BritWifeInUSA
Well if you know her well enough to know the ins and outs of her relationship (who ended it, the terminations and whose choice they were) and her contraception choices, then why not ask her yourself if she had the baby “out of spite”.
Do you think she would admit to having the child out of spite? Least of all now, years later, when that baby is now a loved three year old?

So why ask on here? And why does it matter to you so much? If the child is loved, that’s all that matters. Your vitriol for Sarah, the mother of children you claimed to be related to in some way, is disgusting.

So why ask on here? And why does it matter to you so much? If the child is loved, that’s all that matters. Your vitriol for Sarah, the mother of children you claimed to be related to in some way, is disgusting.

As I said earlier on, the situation was over three years ago now but came up in conversation today.

I expressed my opinion, the other party agreed, I came on to see what others thought, you know.. like most people do on mumsnet.

Definitely John's sister but my money's on older sister.

I have a couple of friends who's brothers' action fall below 'acceptable'. The only way they can continue their relationship with their brothers is by casting them as 'gullible' and the woman involved as 'manipulative'.

Same old, same old...

Out of interest, does it really matter if Sarah is the guilty party? There are still three children being raised by feckless parents, nothing changes.

You'd be well advised to put your energies into supporting the children op.

Out of interest, does it really matter if Sarah is the guilty party? There are still three children being raised by feckless parents, nothing changes. You'd be well advised to put your energies into supporting the children op.

In the grand scheme of things now no it doesn't. It's a discussion neither of them ever need know I'm having. I do support the children.

@Nineteeneightynine

John is a bastard of the highest order, no doubt about that.

He is totally responsible for the infidelity and not taking precautions on his side to avoid a pregnancy.

However, he was deliberately mislead into believing that there was no chance of a baby being conceived because she was on the implant.

Doesn't matter what he was led to believe, firstly he shouldn't have cheated in the first place, but he should have taken his own precautions instead of relying on someone else's word

Doesn't matter what he was led to believe, firstly he shouldn't have cheated in the first place, but he should have taken his own precautions instead of relying on someone else's word

Yes he should have.

You need a reality check assuming your Dbro is the innocent party, he is the father of the 3 DC and responsible for the countless pregnancies resulting in abortion.
Take your head out of the clouds living this deluded fantasy.

Is John actually the father.

I'm going to throw another spin on this.

Sarah got pregnant by someone else.
Sarah conned John into sleeping with her so could claim John is the daddy. Told John very quickly she was pregnant.

John was wrong to cheat.

Has he had a DNA to see if the child is his?

If I wanted drama I would reignite it personally between them, not post anonymously on a forum, but I'm not going to do that because unlike some that pair I'm not in the business of making life hard for children.

But you are in the business of slagging off people you know personally about a situation that has nothing to do with you on an anonymous forum. Regardless of your obvious personal feelings of moral superiority over them, you don’t look so great yourself either and why would you even care about the opinions of others on a situation that again has nothing to do with you?

@HalzTangz

Is John actually the father.

I'm going to throw another spin on this.

Sarah got pregnant by someone else.
Sarah conned John into sleeping with her so could claim John is the daddy. Told John very quickly she was pregnant.

John was wrong to cheat.

Has he had a DNA to see if the child is his?

Yeah I get that, if it truly was once.........

So on the other side of that, was it just once? Is that why John is assuming the baby was his?

@Nineteeneightynine

Well it's been interesting reading your posts, I can see that the majority of posters think my opinion is unreasonable but the poll itself is more divided.

I'm looking at 60% for YABU on the poll.