To think she had this baby out of spite?

[Nineteeneightynine]

Name changed because on the off chance the woman in question uses MN i don't want her knowing who i am by my posting history.

I'll call her Sarah.

Sarah was in a relationship with 'John' and the pair had a child. After 6 years together the relationship came to an end - but during the final 2 years of the relationship Sarah had multiple terminations of unplanned pregnancies because she didn't want more children and the pair were growing apart. The split, however, was instigated by her.

They broke up and 18 months later John met and began a relationship with somebody else. They got engaged and conceived a baby.

Sarah then decided she wanted him back after all.

At this point Sarah became even more difficult (think using her existing child as a weapon)

When Johns partner was heavily pregnant Sarah orchestrated a situation whereby she and John would be alone together, think special occasion under the guise of being for their child's benefit. Alcohol was involved.

Sarah made a pass at John, and because John is a selfish idiot and wasn't getting much 'action' at home with his heavily pregnant fiance, he reciprocated and they had a one night stand. John claims Sarah told him she was on the contraceptive implant so they didn't need to use a condom. John didn't question it and was happy to proceed without.

Soon after, very soon indeed, almost as if she was waiting to test, Sarah tells John she's pregnant and wants him to get back together with her "for their family" and try again.

John doesn't want to re-enter the relationship and wants to stay with his then current partner, who was expected to give birth any day.

Sarah decides that actually 'now' (then) is the perfect time to bring another child into the world and she would be having the baby regardless. Issues ultimatums. Briefly stops contact between John and his existing child when John says he doesn't want another.

Bare in mind that before the relationship ended, Sarah was adamant she didn't want any more children and exercised her right to terminate multiple pregnancies because the time wasn't right and the relationship was failing. It was only after seeing John settling down with somebody else she changed her mind.

Johns partner found out and was understandably crushed, now years later has to co-parent and see that (yes totally innocent) child on a regular basis.

WIBU to believe that Sarah, with all of the above taken into consideration, had this child out of spite?

Out of interest, does it really matter if Sarah is the guilty party? There are still three children being raised by feckless parents, nothing changes. You'd be well advised to put your energies into supporting the children op.

This is true.
I don’t think it does matter who is to blame. It sounds like their relationship is quite toxic but I don’t think anything will change that and you’ll find they’ll get back together soon enough. I’d stay well out of it all.

@Nineteeneightynine

John is a bastard of the highest order, no doubt about that.

He is totally responsible for the infidelity and not taking precautions on his side to avoid a pregnancy.

However, he was deliberately mislead into believing that there was no chance of a baby being conceived because she was on the implant.

He had sex with her- whether she was on the implant or not he should have been using a condom for s.t.i protection. And not fucking someone else.

Misled????? John chose to have unprotected sex with someone who has used his child as a pawn. He could have caught and passed on an STD, there’s selfishness and then there’s John. He’s more than a twat, nice try in making Sarah more of a villain.

Twat is too mild a term, when it comes to the deplorable actions of John. Urgh, the idea of two women competing over this poor excuse for a man, is beyond depressing.

I'm looking at 60% for YABU on the poll

It's not unanimous though is it, that's still 40% of people who agree.

Is John the dad though, has there been a DNA

There hasn't been a DNA test no, he never disputed paternity because the dates must have added up. He is in no doubt that the child is his and has always had a relationship with them.

@Nineteeneightynine

I'm looking at 60% for YABU on the poll

It's not unanimous though is it, that's still 40% of people who agree.

Is John the dad though, has there been a DNA

There hasn't been a DNA test no, he never disputed paternity because the dates must have added up. He is in no doubt that the child is his and has always had a relationship with them.

Is this because it wasn't just once?

@Nineteeneightynine

Do you even know who was the driving force behind her previous decisions to terminate?

Yes, her decision every time.

Have you heard that from Sarah directly or did John tell you this?

Well that's John's version.

The only time I could imagine discussing the conception circumstances of a child that isn’t even yours THREE years later is if they’re in line to inherit billions* or if they’re the Messiah. Otherwise, you’re just a village gossip.

*And you’re a solicitor, trust officer, etc.

@AgentJohnson

Misled????? John chose to have unprotected sex with someone who has used his child as a pawn. He could have caught and passed on an STD, there’s selfishness and then there’s John. He’s more than a twat, nice try in making Sarah more of a villain.

Twat is too mild a term, when it comes to the deplorable actions of John. Urgh, the idea of two women competing over this poor excuse for a man, is beyond depressing.

Mislead about being on the implant, nobody mislead him into bed he did that entirely of his own accord.

It happens though, doesn't it? Contrary to what alot of these posters want you to believe, women do lie about contraception because they have an ulterior movie.

It happens all of the time.

Some women are shits. Just like some men are shits.

It doesn't paint the men in a good light for not taking their own precautions, but that doesn't mean it's ok to lie in the first place.

I have read posts on here before about a woman telling the man she's on contraception when she isn't, a baby is conceived because the man thinks they're covered and doesn't take his own precautions then what do you know, she's pregnant.

That poor woman doesn’t have to co parent with Sarah, she could’ve left the cheating bastard

Is this because it wasn't just once?

It was once as far as I know. We all got to hear about it when it kicked off afterwards. I'm sure if it was an on-going thing we'd have heard about that too.

John is the prize arsehole in this situation.

@Nineteeneightynine but the shit of the highest order is John who had unprotected sex, then went home to his heavily pregnant wife.

He could've picked up an STD, passed it on to his wife and unborn child.

He really is a cunt.

[quote Sadiecow]@Nineteeneightynine but the shit of the highest order is John who had unprotected sex, then went home to his heavily pregnant wife.

He could've picked up an STD, passed it on to his wife and unborn child.

He really is a cunt.[/quote]
He is indeed.

Hold on, if Johns partner (which isn't you allegedly) broke up with John in the end as you stated in later posts, why does she have to "co-parent" the child born out of "spite" or have I misunderstood?

For someone to know so much about this and care enough to post I can only assume you are his partner, despite your protestations to the contrary. In which case what his ex's motivations were is the least of your worries.

It happens though, doesn't it? Contrary to what alot of these posters want you to believe, women do lie about contraception because they have an ulterior movie.

How do you know she lied about contraception though?

@arcof

Hold on, if Johns partner (which isn't you allegedly) broke up with John in the end as you stated in later posts, why does she have to "co-parent" the child born out of "spite" or have I misunderstood?

For someone to know so much about this and care enough to post I can only assume you are his partner, despite your protestations to the contrary. In which case what his ex's motivations were is the least of your worries.

Co parent with John, not Sarah.

Inevitably she has had to see John with that child, etc.

I'm definitely not his partner as I have said many times and will continue to say, although it is getting a little tedious now.

I'm not going to say exactly who I am bar a relative.

If John had behaved like he was supposed to, and not slept with Sarah, she wouldn’t have got pregnant. If he had kept it in his pants

My money say You’re a sister. I’m betting older.

Or mother?

The only facts you know is that John and Sarah had sex. John cheated on his girlfriend. John didn’t wear a condom.

Everything else is just a guess.
So from the facts it would be hard to say if Sarah had any ulterior motive as John is the one who comes across as the one mainly in the wrong.

"I have read posts on here before about a woman telling the man she's on contraception when she isn't, a baby is conceived because the man thinks they're covered and doesn't take his own precautions then what do you know, she's pregnant."

The way to avoid that though is by taking responsibility for yourself. He should have worn a condom. If he wanted to ensure as much as possible that a pregnancy wouldn't happen, he needed to be responsible for himself and not rely on someone else. If for no other reason than to protect his girlfriend from any sti's.

No one is painting themselves in a good light here, but he needed to take responsibility for himself.

Of course he could have avoided this whole situation by remaining faithful. He could have said no and walked away. He is responsible for his actions here, irrespective of what you suspect the woman's motives were. Men are not helpless when it comes to fidelity. It's a choice.

With sex there is always a chance of a baby, John knew this. I assume your John’s partner and are hurt, but John is the bad party here. Don’t place all blame on Sarah, it takes two to tango John is the shit here.

@Nineteeneightynine: Supporting the child isn't hating its mother. That's not how that works.

[quote SaharaFlower]@Nineteeneightynine: Supporting the child isn't hating its mother. That's not how that works.[/quote]
You can care about a child and still think the child's parents are shit people, the two aren't mutually exclusive.