I’ve been part of a group for a while. It’s a political party, mainstream left wing. I haven’t gone to events for a while. The local group I’m in is shutting down and there was a party last night. I’ve made some good friends through the group but I was never super involved, ie position or candidate but did volunteer a lot of time at different periods. The group is very cliquey.
A few years ago after an event me and my friend went back from an event and gave a lift to someone from the group and they came back to my place on the way to drop him off and we all chatted for ages until very late at night. I liked him as a friend but never had a thing for him. He friended me on Facebook recently and I added him to be polite even though I don’t usually like to add people I don’t know well.
That brings me back to last night. The event was at a private area of a bar. I went with my friend and brought my toddler along after ringing the bar earlier and checking it was safe and ok. I said hello to a few people I know and then I was sitting at a table and my toddler was perched very happily on a barstool so I had to stand next to him to keep him safe. I was by myself a few times and no one came up to chat, to say hello to my little one or to offer to get me a drink or food as I couldn’t easily move. My friends did at various times and most of the night was fine but I just found people ignoring me, by myself, really rude.
I’m now a regular member of a different group and we would never have done that!!! By the way it wasn’t strange that I was there if I’m in a different group now because it was for all past and present members. The guy who came to my house was standing by himself at one point and he awkwardly avoided looking at me and went to chat to a group. It was so rude. I am a single mum and it makes me feel as if he thinks I’m so desperate that if he talks to me I’ll be obsessed and in love with him.
He wants a future in politics and I’m tempted to message him and say that voters can generally sense if someone is genuine or a social climber and so maybe he should give up on it because he comes across as very shallow and fake. I won’t do that in case he’s recently had a death in the family or something like that, in which case I would come across very badly.
I got a coffee with a friend this morning, who is also part of the group but wasn’t there last night. I told her what happened and she said “was that ? He did the same thing to me!” But it was actually even ruder in her case.
If the group was still going to be around I might consider circulating a general message saying that it would be nice if the group had a more inclusive culture if they want to attract and, more importantly, keep new members.
AIBU for thinking people should be inclusive and friendly in groups?