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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling resentful but I don’t know if I’m being irrational or not…

314 replies

whippitwoowoo · 08/08/2021 08:10

First off, I’m going to go and see this parent later today to find out what’s happening. I think this is better than just waiting for 2 teens to sort this situation out.

My DD17 and her BF bought day tickets to Reading festival ages ago.
The BF parents said they will take their caravan and stay nearby so the girls can stay with them at the end of the day.
Great, I agreed for my DD to buy a ticket knowing she can stay with her mates parents afterwards.
All the other friends in the group have got weekend tickets.

For info we live 100 miles away from Reading.

I’ve noticed that no plans are being firmed up and my DD isn’t saying much.

I asked the BF yesterday and she said “my parents are taking us but my dads got work now so are not staying anymore “

So, no one has told me this before and hasn’t thought to tell me that the 2 teens now have no where to stay or anyone getting them at the end.

So , it’s gonna fall to me to drive 200 mile round trip late at night. But no one thinks to actually communicate anything to me.

If it was me I would contact the other parent to say I can’t do what I originally agreed to.

I’m so pissed off. I don’t want to drive to fecking Reading.
I would never have agreed to my DD going if I had to go myself.

I’m absolutely knackered. I have worked relentlessly throughout the past 18 months and feel burnout.

I’ve lost the ability to work out if I’m unreasonable or not.

OP posts:
ShellyShore · 08/08/2021 12:08

Can they get a camping ticket?

carriehagshaw · 08/08/2021 12:11

I think your update is really sad. The friend was being entitled expecting a lift. But if my 17 year old was ready to forgo an exciting festival because they felt they couldn't manage a train back I'd be really worried.

There are a few weeks to go until the festival. I'd spend this time going over the route and building her confidence so she's able to enjoy things other 17 year old are enjoying

carriehagshaw · 08/08/2021 12:14

Worst case scenario they totally screw up and you have to go and collect them. This happened to me when I went aged 15.

We were due to get the train home (lived in Bournemouth) but missed the last train. Offered to sleep on the platform but mum came to get us.

By 17 we just didn't make plans to get home at all. There was always an after party somewhere - home time was for worrying about after the sun came up Smile

MargosKaftan · 08/08/2021 12:16

They won't let you sleep in the station anymore so its finding somewhere to wait for mum to arrive...

But also she's pretty sensible to realise she's facing this in the company of flaky friend. I would be happy to do this with someone sensible. The friend seems not the best to be stuck in a pickle with.

Marmitemarinaded · 08/08/2021 12:18

**I’ve said I’m not driving there late at night. My dd has said she will sell her ticket.
she knows she won’t manage getting trains back.
she just doesn’t have enough experience or sense of direction.

Op I suggest you spend some time helping your daughter on this front, as to be this age and not be able to travel on a train - is concerning

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 08/08/2021 12:19

I also have a daughter who is 17. She was 15 when the pandemic started. She has not had the gentle introduction to this sort of thing that those a couple of years older will have had.

Like you OP, I would be “helicoptering” if that is what people want to call it. I would not be contacting the other parents and I would not bother with feelings of resentment. I would just go and collect the girls and acknowledge that my approach is different from others. Not all parents of 17 year olds get that involved. I think those of us who do just have to get on with it in that knowledge really.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 08/08/2021 12:24

@carriehagshaw

Worst case scenario they totally screw up and you have to go and collect them. This happened to me when I went aged 15.

We were due to get the train home (lived in Bournemouth) but missed the last train. Offered to sleep on the platform but mum came to get us.

By 17 we just didn't make plans to get home at all. There was always an after party somewhere - home time was for worrying about after the sun came up Smile

That is not the worst case scenario, it could be quite disastrous. Being young, far from home with nowhere to stay, little money, in an environment laden with drugs and alcohol is not a good way to "explore independence".
carriehagshaw · 08/08/2021 12:36

Okay maybe that was the wrong phrase. The absolute worst case scenario could be a lot worse. But the worst likely scenario would be having to go collect them.

We can't contemplate absolute worst cases scenarios or we'd never let them leave the house!

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/08/2021 12:43

I wouldn’t sell the tickets just yet. Maybe take time to pause.

Is her friend good at directions etc? Your dd has time to learn to orient herself between now and the end of August.

My 13 yo dd isn’t confident on buses yet for example but has taken the bus from near her friend’s house to the local city a couple of times. I know this is different from reading to Cambridge. But your dd has 4 years of brain power on her and at least 2.5 years more experience.

Notaroadrunner · 08/08/2021 12:49

Could they get a train/bus back to a destination that isn't 100miles from your home so you don't have to travel as far to collect them? Surely there are bus services put on for the festival from all directions.

Lurkerlot · 08/08/2021 13:03

@whippitwoowoo

I’m in Cambridgeshire
Is the Green Bus to and from from Cambridge fully booked?

www.readingfestival.com/information-category/travel

Lurkerlot · 08/08/2021 13:08

*just checked, Green bus only do weekend returns from Cambridge

fourquenelles · 08/08/2021 13:08

I live 10 minutes from the festival. PM me if I can help. I have a spare room (also 2 large dogs!)

Check my posting history - I don't name change. I have been around for years.

Caramelkoala1 · 08/08/2021 13:12

I’d tell them to look into travel lodges/hotels which they can stay the night in and then they can travel back in daylight hours in the morning, would be a shame for her to sell her ticket and miss out

LagunaBubbles · 08/08/2021 13:17

The girls won’t sort this out. It will get left to the last minute

Well let them deal with the consequences of that then.

LameUsernameAvailable · 08/08/2021 13:18

All the posters that think it’s helpful to tell the OP how amazingly independent their kids are are incredibly tiresome and unhelpful. Do they honestly think the OP isn’t aware that some kids are more independent than her daughter.

You have to parent the child you have not some ideal of what you think they should be .

50ShadesOfCatholic · 08/08/2021 13:23

@carriehagshaw

Okay maybe that was the wrong phrase. The absolute worst case scenario could be a lot worse. But the worst likely scenario would be having to go collect them.

We can't contemplate absolute worst cases scenarios or we'd never let them leave the house!

No but everyday activities are quite different to bring far from home with no transport or place to go. I wouldn't want to be in that situation. And all accom will be booked out now.
50ShadesOfCatholic · 08/08/2021 13:23

*being

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 08/08/2021 13:28

It was cheeky of them to assume you would pick them up without checking with you first but l can also see their point of view - one side takes them, other side picks them up.

roarfeckingroarr · 08/08/2021 13:37

She's 17. I went camping at 15! Let her crack om

vivainsomnia · 08/08/2021 13:40

So how is the friend going to get back if you are not going? She'll have to find another way. I bet she told her parents you would pick her up and told your DD to try to convince you. Maybe your DD said that you would if no choice.

Just call the parents and discuss it, but stop being so dramatic about it all.

Bythemillpond · 08/08/2021 13:43

I can’t understand why who ever takes them can’t have a day out and bring them back

Cambridge to Reading is a minimum 4 hour round trip. Done twice that is an awful lot of petrol.

I know you will have to sort it all out for them but why not sort out their train tickets and the bfs parents can drop them at the station in Cambridge and you can pick them up
They can get there in the daylight and you can give them detailed instructions on getting back.
What time they need to leave the venue, how long it could take to leave the venue. How to order an Uber (they send the number plate of the car to your phone)
What train, platform, time they need to get to.
They share their location with you and each other and you will collect them from the station.

At some point they need to get out of their comfort zone and what better way than at a festival.

NewYearNewTwatName · 08/08/2021 13:51

She's 17. I went camping at 15! WHOOP Whooooop 👏👏👏👏

here you go🏅🏅

well done you!

drumandthebass · 08/08/2021 13:51

Aah please don't let her cancel. A couple of other posters have suggested getting a room in Basingstoke which is a great idea. Or even somewhere a little further away thats not as daunting as getting train to London and then another to Cambridge. How about they get a train to somewhere and then you meet them at this station then its not as far for you to drive and then they've taken that step to a bit more independence?

I hope you get something sorted and she doesn't miss out

HalzTangz · 08/08/2021 15:11

@whippitwoowoo

She isn’t going to uni next year. Why do people assume all kids are able to leave home at 18.

She’s had a chat with her BF. She has admitted that she didn’t think to tell my DD that there is no caravan anymore and that her parents are taking them both and she expected me to collect them both at the end.

Talk about entitled.

Was I just supposed to find this out the day before ?

I’ve said I’m not driving there late at night. My dd has said she will sell her ticket.
She knows she won’t manage getting trains back.
She just doesn’t have enough experience or sense of direction.

She went to wireless a few years back for the day with friends but that’s on our train line.

Sorry but I think you are being unreasonable and spiteful.

The other parents are taking them, it's only fair you offer to pick them up.

Instead you'd rather throw your dummy out of the pram and stop your daughter having the experience of attending a festival just because you can't be bothered to drive.

There are other options, rains, buses, sleeping over in a mates tent and picking them up in daylight hours.

Sorry but if this is my daughter I would go and pick them up, especially when another parent is also doing a 200 mile round trip to drop them off

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