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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask Friend A why she excluded me from Friend Best hen party

519 replies

Rooree2609 · 07/08/2021 09:41

So basically I have two friends we will call them friend A and Friend B

I became friends with friend B through friend A and we've all been friends now for 15 years ( became friends as teenagers)

Over the years on a few occasions Friend A has done a few not so nice things to friend B and I and at one point Friend B considered ending the friendship with Friend A however I said we should meet up and try and salvage it
At this point friend B and I where closer
We did manage to salvage the friendship

However not long after I got married to DH and had my first DS
After this Friend A and Friend B who both live in the city became closer and I noticed myself left out often which was OK at first as I was the only married one with a child etc

However I've always made a effort to see them both and pre covid we had started to see each other more

A week before lockdown one Friend B announced she was engaged .. and of course had covid not happened I assumed I'd see her have wedding chat etc

Covid did happen and I fell pregnant with DS2 and I didn't see her meanwhile friend A told me she had offered to help with wedding planning etc
So it came as no surprise that Friend A was bridesmaid etc
I still of course thought I'd be invited to the wedding if covid allowed it
And both friend A and friend B visited baby once covid rules allowed and we spoke about the wedding

I then got a invite to the hen through a group chat organised by friend A which I said I would make without fail and couldn't wait
I even suggested places to host it etc

The wedding invite came too BTW just to make it clear I am going to wedding

A couple of weeks later Friend A told me the original hen idea was cancelled and removed me from the group she told me she'd let me know if something else was arranged

I then met friend A last weekend and when I tried to talk about wedding she changed subject
I wanted to ask what was happening with the hen but I hate awkwardness so I didn't it

Friend B then messaged me days ago and she spoke about how she couldn't wait to see me at hen

Stupid me assuming friend A would let me know about hen didn't even think I wouldn't be there so I said I wouldn't miss it

I honestly assumed it hadn't be re arranged yet and I'd be there

Then last night up pops friend As story and there is friend Bs hen in full swing in a venue I recommend with about ten girls there including friend As sisters who aren't even close to Friend B

I actually felt my heart sink and felt really hurt I couldn't believe it

Now friend A over the years has sometimes excluded me and I've justified it that it's because I'm a mum maybe she thought I wouldn't want to it come etc
But each time she's did this it's hurt and DH has said to call her out
But I hate confrontation so I've left it and kept my feelings to myself

But now I feel so hurt that I'm missing a valued friends hen party who clearly thought I'd be there
And I wonder if I should ask Friend A why she removed me from the hen plans and excluded me ?
My only thought is maybe it bothered her that she introduced to me to friend B and for several years friend B and I ended up closer ?

OP posts:
eekbumbler · 07/08/2021 13:07

Now you've sent it, if I was fiend B I'd be calling you to make sure you are okay. So finges crossed for you!

eekbumbler · 07/08/2021 13:07

friend and fingers obvs :/

Mantlemoose · 07/08/2021 13:14

So many different scenarios it could be. Just wait to see if Friend B gets back to you and take it from there. Honestly, this is why most of my friends are male - so many women seem to want to compete with being the 'best' friend. I think it's horrible what either one or both of them have done to you but it says so much about them and not you!

CustardyCreams · 07/08/2021 13:14

My heart is breaking a little bit for you, especially about you planning ahead to bottle feed your baby so you could go to the hen events, when you eventually speak to B mention this, as it is such a sweet and thoughtful thing.

I would definitely give friend B benefit of the doubt and keep friend A at more than arm’s length after this. Keep in touch with friend B, she sounds like a keeper, and once she is married maybe kids will follow and perhaps then friend B’s life will be closer to yours than friend A, and you will find being friends with B is easier again.

NammeChannge · 07/08/2021 13:15

Friend A sounds dreadful. Sad

Psychonabike · 07/08/2021 13:17

I think, at a certain point in life friendships seem to become about proximity and being at the same life stage. Adult life is busy and not everyone is good at/values friendships that are less convenient. You see this all the time -mum friends who individually are completely different people but are close because their kids are the same age or at the same school.

Maybe A and B have just been drawn together due to proximity?

Do you have a group of mum friends that are visible via Soc Med? Maybe B thinks you've moved on?

1forAll74 · 07/08/2021 13:18

OH dear.!

Twoforthree · 07/08/2021 13:23

Just how did friend A think she was going to get away with this?

MoonlightWanderer · 07/08/2021 13:23

I'm glad you texted. At least you will know either way what is going on.

SheABitSpicyToday · 07/08/2021 13:23

Definitely ditch friend a

Shuffleuplove · 07/08/2021 13:24

Friend A will have known this is coming and may well have a backup plan of lies and misinformation so try and be ready for that. What a Wendy.

WhatsWithAllTheCarrots · 07/08/2021 13:27

@SquirryTheSquirrel

I would speak to friend B, not 'friend' A - tell friend B you were sorry to miss her hen night, but you didn't get the details. I'd disengage with friend A, other than being civil when necessary - I don't think friend A is much of a friend.
Completely agree with this approach.
Monicuddle · 07/08/2021 13:27

A is not your friend.

Atalune · 07/08/2021 13:28

I hope you get a resolution.

mrsnw · 07/08/2021 13:32

Mmmm I can't help but wonder why the bride to be didn't call you before the hen to check that you were ok. Unless friend a had made up some crap about why you didn't attend. Hopefully all will become clear and the friend will get what's deserved. I couldn't forgive and forget this!!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/08/2021 13:34

I'm glad you messaged the bride. That way she will know that you wanted to be there and just weren't told the details.

Of course Friend A is likely to gaslight about it - maybe say she did tell you and you've forgotten or something, baby brain, y'know - but you'll both know that she's lying.

DoubleTweenQueen · 07/08/2021 13:41

@Rooree2609 If it were me, I’d call out Friend A first - why weren’t you invited? Had to find out via SM etc, then would tell friend B. You’ve not done anything wrong so don’t need to pussy foot around either, really.

It seems to be ‘friend’ A totally at fault, unless there’s a separate dimension load of stuff accidentally going on via a wormhole somewhere Hmm

IndieTara · 07/08/2021 13:42

Chin up OP if your friend is as lovely as you say she is this won't hurt your friendship

LimitIsUp · 07/08/2021 13:43

@SquirryTheSquirrel

I would speak to friend B, not 'friend' A - tell friend B you were sorry to miss her hen night, but you didn't get the details. I'd disengage with friend A, other than being civil when necessary - I don't think friend A is much of a friend.
This ^^
DoubleTweenQueen · 07/08/2021 13:45

@Rooree2609 Just saw - that was a lovely message you sent to Friend B. Exceedingly classy of you, actually Flowers

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/08/2021 13:51

Glad you have sent a message saying along lines you had seen pics, didn’t get invite or would have been there

LimitIsUp · 07/08/2021 13:54

Just seen the message you sent - I hope that it gets a positive reply

Firstbaby2022 · 07/08/2021 13:55

Has she replied?

Sugarandtime · 07/08/2021 14:03

🤞

notapizzaeater · 07/08/2021 14:04

I’d have added to the text that if there’s space I can Bob over today ! That would really ruffle friend A !

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