To ask Friend A why she excluded me from Friend Best hen party

[Rooree2609]

So basically I have two friends we will call them friend A and Friend B

I became friends with friend B through friend A and we've all been friends now for 15 years ( became friends as teenagers)

Over the years on a few occasions Friend A has done a few not so nice things to friend B and I and at one point Friend B considered ending the friendship with Friend A however I said we should meet up and try and salvage it
At this point friend B and I where closer
We did manage to salvage the friendship

However not long after I got married to DH and had my first DS
After this Friend A and Friend B who both live in the city became closer and I noticed myself left out often which was OK at first as I was the only married one with a child etc

However I've always made a effort to see them both and pre covid we had started to see each other more

A week before lockdown one Friend B announced she was engaged .. and of course had covid not happened I assumed I'd see her have wedding chat etc

Covid did happen and I fell pregnant with DS2 and I didn't see her meanwhile friend A told me she had offered to help with wedding planning etc
So it came as no surprise that Friend A was bridesmaid etc
I still of course thought I'd be invited to the wedding if covid allowed it
And both friend A and friend B visited baby once covid rules allowed and we spoke about the wedding

I then got a invite to the hen through a group chat organised by friend A which I said I would make without fail and couldn't wait
I even suggested places to host it etc

The wedding invite came too BTW just to make it clear I am going to wedding

A couple of weeks later Friend A told me the original hen idea was cancelled and removed me from the group she told me she'd let me know if something else was arranged

I then met friend A last weekend and when I tried to talk about wedding she changed subject
I wanted to ask what was happening with the hen but I hate awkwardness so I didn't it

Friend B then messaged me days ago and she spoke about how she couldn't wait to see me at hen

Stupid me assuming friend A would let me know about hen didn't even think I wouldn't be there so I said I wouldn't miss it

I honestly assumed it hadn't be re arranged yet and I'd be there

Then last night up pops friend As story and there is friend Bs hen in full swing in a venue I recommend with about ten girls there including friend As sisters who aren't even close to Friend B

I actually felt my heart sink and felt really hurt I couldn't believe it

Now friend A over the years has sometimes excluded me and I've justified it that it's because I'm a mum maybe she thought I wouldn't want to it come etc
But each time she's did this it's hurt and DH has said to call her out
But I hate confrontation so I've left it and kept my feelings to myself

But now I feel so hurt that I'm missing a valued friends hen party who clearly thought I'd be there
And I wonder if I should ask Friend A why she removed me from the hen plans and excluded me ?
My only thought is maybe it bothered her that she introduced to me to friend B and for several years friend B and I ended up closer ?

Hopefully Friend B knows nothing of it and it’s not some scheme between the two of them.

What an awful thing to do.

At least now friend B will have heard your side.

My friends planned a surprise baby shower and didn’t invite my DMIL, despite my own DM being there. I was mortified.

Can you not get the details and head over there now

@Rooree2609 - I’m sorry this has happened to you. I think your response was spot on, and I hope you get a resolution to this.

Going forward, I wouldn’t trust Friend A further than I could throw her.

That’s appalling behaviour from an adult. Someone needs to grow up.

Yeah cut A off. She sounds a nightmare.

Good message op, hope you get a reply soon

[quote Rooree2609]@illdoitlater not yet but I haven't long sent it

And knowing friend B after drinking the night before she will be sleeping that hangover off or not long up

I guess if it turns out friend B didn't want me there then il never get a reply but I feel like at least I've done the right thing[/quote]
whatever you do, make sure you speak to her in person before writing her off

I wouldnt put it past the other one to block you, to delete messages, or slag you off

You’ve done the right thing contacting friend B. Fingers crossed for you that things get sorted. Loosing friend A won’t be a loss to you x

Presumably friend A will spout of load of bullshit about how you said you couldn’t come. Don’t get dragged into an argument. Keep your replies friendly and breezy. Let friend B enjoy the rest of her hen weekend and then you can tell her the whole story when you see her face to face or speak over the phone.

Pice missing here is to also cal out friend A. You have the text telling you it is cancelled and removing you from the group

A message to friend A with these attachments and telling her that you hope she’s very happy with being so hurtful to do this when the hen, such a momentous occasion, should be about B’s friends and not some petty personal power trip.

Friend A, knowing you weren't a bridesmaid, took a dislike to your "interferring" in the hen arrangements so she fobbed you off. Simple as that.
Ditch Friend A.

I'm glad you have stuck up for yourself and I hope friend B sticks up for you, and didn't know anything about it, I'd be gutted if thia happened, well rid of friend A.

What an awful person she is!

What a bitch!!

I'm so sport OP. What an awful thing to have happened. Glad you have texted friend B.

Definitely give both the chance to comment. Sounds like it is Friend A being a total cow though. So sorry you are going through this :-(

This is awful.

I hope they are out having some fun abs she’s too busy to respond. You’ve been very diplomatic about it.

Keep that in mind in further messages.

Friend A is definitely not a friend. I honestly think & really hope for your sake that Friend B had no idea what was going on. Focus on your lovely family & forget about the negativity from A

Friend A must know you’d find out.

A friends DH was organising a surprise party for her and realised he hadn't invited me and another good friend when she asked him where we were. He then apologised to us both and said he forgot to invite which is quite believable. In this case friend A deliberately left you out. She is therefore not a friend to friend B or you. Unless there is something going on you are not privy to

If I was friend B and found out A had purposely excluded you and lied about it, her bags would be packed and she'd be kicked out of my hen do!

Glad you have sent a message to your friend. Given A’s past behaviour I’m sure she will understand.

Also glad you sent a message. Sounds like you were deliberately removed from the group by Friend A.

@ElspethFlashman

No, you phone her this morning.

A text on Monday is too little too late.

Don't spoil the hen weekend, or have them gossip about it

Wait until Monday