To ask Friend A why she excluded me from Friend Best hen party

[Rooree2609]

So basically I have two friends we will call them friend A and Friend B

I became friends with friend B through friend A and we've all been friends now for 15 years ( became friends as teenagers)

Over the years on a few occasions Friend A has done a few not so nice things to friend B and I and at one point Friend B considered ending the friendship with Friend A however I said we should meet up and try and salvage it
At this point friend B and I where closer
We did manage to salvage the friendship

However not long after I got married to DH and had my first DS
After this Friend A and Friend B who both live in the city became closer and I noticed myself left out often which was OK at first as I was the only married one with a child etc

However I've always made a effort to see them both and pre covid we had started to see each other more

A week before lockdown one Friend B announced she was engaged .. and of course had covid not happened I assumed I'd see her have wedding chat etc

Covid did happen and I fell pregnant with DS2 and I didn't see her meanwhile friend A told me she had offered to help with wedding planning etc
So it came as no surprise that Friend A was bridesmaid etc
I still of course thought I'd be invited to the wedding if covid allowed it
And both friend A and friend B visited baby once covid rules allowed and we spoke about the wedding

I then got a invite to the hen through a group chat organised by friend A which I said I would make without fail and couldn't wait
I even suggested places to host it etc

The wedding invite came too BTW just to make it clear I am going to wedding

A couple of weeks later Friend A told me the original hen idea was cancelled and removed me from the group she told me she'd let me know if something else was arranged

I then met friend A last weekend and when I tried to talk about wedding she changed subject
I wanted to ask what was happening with the hen but I hate awkwardness so I didn't it

Friend B then messaged me days ago and she spoke about how she couldn't wait to see me at hen

Stupid me assuming friend A would let me know about hen didn't even think I wouldn't be there so I said I wouldn't miss it

I honestly assumed it hadn't be re arranged yet and I'd be there

Then last night up pops friend As story and there is friend Bs hen in full swing in a venue I recommend with about ten girls there including friend As sisters who aren't even close to Friend B

I actually felt my heart sink and felt really hurt I couldn't believe it

Now friend A over the years has sometimes excluded me and I've justified it that it's because I'm a mum maybe she thought I wouldn't want to it come etc
But each time she's did this it's hurt and DH has said to call her out
But I hate confrontation so I've left it and kept my feelings to myself

But now I feel so hurt that I'm missing a valued friends hen party who clearly thought I'd be there
And I wonder if I should ask Friend A why she removed me from the hen plans and excluded me ?
My only thought is maybe it bothered her that she introduced to me to friend B and for several years friend B and I ended up closer ?

You need to contact Friend B today, preferably this morning as soon as you saw the pics, however right now is the second best time to do it.

If you leave it till tomorrow all it conveys to her is that you couldn't be bothered to do it when you first found out.

All this dithering about whether Friend B likes you, FGS, phone her up or send her that message another PP has written for you.

Just do it now.

So I messaged friend B and told her I'd seen the pics and basically let her know I knew nothing about
I wished her the best weekend
And told her hopefully I can treat her to cocktails etc before the wedding

I didn't say anything bitchy or snide about friend A just made it clear I didn't know it was this weekend and if I had I would of been there like a shot

So I guess that's all I can do

I think friendship with A is well and truly over and I see no point in confronting her at the moment as I can't be bothered from more lies from her
They wouldn't wash the way they used too

Well done.

Friend A is about to get her comeuppance

Has she replied?

Oh and forget about asking 'Friend' A anything, just forget about her altogether as she's no friend.

With her as bridesmaid and you not, it makes me think she may have made up something so you weren't asked.

Agree with poster higher up - WhatsApp with them both in group and call her out and let b know you have been excluded

That friend A has pulled this stunt before! Never speak to her again! I'm upset by all of this on your behalf. Grrrrr.

@illdoitlater not yet but I haven't long sent it

And knowing friend B after drinking the night before she will be sleeping that hangover off or not long up

I guess if it turns out friend B didn't want me there then il never get a reply but I feel like at least I've done the right thing

I agree, let your friend B know you love her, send @Alternista’s message TODAY

Trust me, you’d not be ruining this weekend, if anything has dented it it’s the behaviour of friend A

She’s possibly made your friend B doubt your friendship

So yes, text friend B with alternistas message and either text A with something along the lines of “WTAF? What a grade A Bitch you are to exclude me from an idea I bloody suggested in the first place” we’re done.

I wouldn't say that you didn't have the details. You need to make clear that you weren't invited and had no knowledge of the event. Beware that friend B might actually be aware of this. Definitely speak to friend A about this and then cut her dead. With friends like this who needs friends.

[quote Rooree2609]@DeflatedGinDrinker
I defiantly plan on texting the bride
They are in a lodge, a lodge I went to with DH and recommend as I knew friend B would love it
So I was going to wait until to Monday as I didn't want to dampen anything for friend B by highlighting what Friend A has done
I just wonder what Friend A has said about my absence and hope Friend B realises when I message her that I would never of missed it had I been invited[/quote]
There's nothing defiant about texting her! But you should definitely do it. You've been very considerate and they haven't.

Seen your updates

Good for you @Rooree2609

So sorry to hear this, op. Friend A sounds like a right nasty piece of work.
I've read your updates and so glad you've sent friend B the text message. That should be your priority, letting her know friend A has basically cut you out and that you didnt just not turn up.
I hope friend B answers you soon. And I'd give friend A the complete silent treatment and not bother with that spiteful cow ever again.

Friend A sounds like a total bitch. I don't like using that word but in this case, she is a complete bitch and I would be messaging her as well to be very clear on what I thought of her. The friendship is over anyway.

Yes definitely tell friend B you're upset you've missed it and possibly show her the screenshots. Friend A is social engineering at your expense which is very spiteful.

That’s good you’ve text.

Good for you for texting! I couldn’t have waited til Monday either, I’d be absolutely furious, what a cheeky bitch!

Hopefully friend B comes back and says "Friend A said you couldn't make it...", then you can go both barrels and say "No, she removed me from the previous planning group, obviously never invited me into the actual plans, and has lied straight to your face this whole weekend..."

Friend A sounds an awful person. Cut her out of your life completely. She sounds like a jealous, petulant child.

I am glad that you sent that message. I really hope that B sticks up for you. 💐

So sorry this is happening OP, it is really horrible. I hate how bitchy some people can be. I am glad you sent a message and hope your Friend B gets back to you soon.

It’s good that you’ve messaged her. I hope she reads it and contacts you back. If she does, I would send her a second modified text using some of the language from Alternista’s suggestion. It is a brilliant text.

And if she doesn’t respond, I’d send that text more or less with ‘I hope you saw my first message bla bla bla’.

Wow friend A is not nice if she purposely excluded you!! Glad you sent the message and I hope the bride understands the situation and berates your other friend. Just nasty.

@Rooree2609

So I messaged friend B and told her I'd seen the pics and basically let her know I knew nothing about I wished her the best weekend And told her hopefully I can treat her to cocktails etc before the wedding

I didn't say anything bitchy or snide about friend A just made it clear I didn't know it was this weekend and if I had I would of been there like a shot

So I guess that's all I can do

I think friendship with A is well and truly over and I see no point in confronting her at the moment as I can't be bothered from more lies from her
They wouldn't wash the way they used too

Exactly the right way to handle it.

@MumDad1958

Friend A sounds an awful person. Cut her out of your life completely. She sounds like a jealous, petulant child.

This right here...life is far too short to have this type of nastiness in life.