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Original poster

To ask Friend A why she excluded me from Friend Best hen party

519 replies

Rooree2609 · 07/08/2021 09:41

So basically I have two friends we will call them friend A and Friend B

I became friends with friend B through friend A and we've all been friends now for 15 years ( became friends as teenagers)

Over the years on a few occasions Friend A has done a few not so nice things to friend B and I and at one point Friend B considered ending the friendship with Friend A however I said we should meet up and try and salvage it
At this point friend B and I where closer
We did manage to salvage the friendship

However not long after I got married to DH and had my first DS
After this Friend A and Friend B who both live in the city became closer and I noticed myself left out often which was OK at first as I was the only married one with a child etc

However I've always made a effort to see them both and pre covid we had started to see each other more

A week before lockdown one Friend B announced she was engaged .. and of course had covid not happened I assumed I'd see her have wedding chat etc

Covid did happen and I fell pregnant with DS2 and I didn't see her meanwhile friend A told me she had offered to help with wedding planning etc
So it came as no surprise that Friend A was bridesmaid etc
I still of course thought I'd be invited to the wedding if covid allowed it
And both friend A and friend B visited baby once covid rules allowed and we spoke about the wedding

I then got a invite to the hen through a group chat organised by friend A which I said I would make without fail and couldn't wait
I even suggested places to host it etc

The wedding invite came too BTW just to make it clear I am going to wedding

A couple of weeks later Friend A told me the original hen idea was cancelled and removed me from the group she told me she'd let me know if something else was arranged

I then met friend A last weekend and when I tried to talk about wedding she changed subject
I wanted to ask what was happening with the hen but I hate awkwardness so I didn't it

Friend B then messaged me days ago and she spoke about how she couldn't wait to see me at hen

Stupid me assuming friend A would let me know about hen didn't even think I wouldn't be there so I said I wouldn't miss it

I honestly assumed it hadn't be re arranged yet and I'd be there

Then last night up pops friend As story and there is friend Bs hen in full swing in a venue I recommend with about ten girls there including friend As sisters who aren't even close to Friend B

I actually felt my heart sink and felt really hurt I couldn't believe it

Now friend A over the years has sometimes excluded me and I've justified it that it's because I'm a mum maybe she thought I wouldn't want to it come etc
But each time she's did this it's hurt and DH has said to call her out
But I hate confrontation so I've left it and kept my feelings to myself

But now I feel so hurt that I'm missing a valued friends hen party who clearly thought I'd be there
And I wonder if I should ask Friend A why she removed me from the hen plans and excluded me ?
My only thought is maybe it bothered her that she introduced to me to friend B and for several years friend B and I ended up closer ?

OP posts:
VivaDixie · 07/08/2021 15:55

So glad you sent that message OP.

Something similar happened to me 2 years ago. It is so hurtful. Flowers

tensmum1964 · 07/08/2021 15:55

You must have awful when you saw the SM posts. What a horrible thing to do to someone. Friend A is either a total cow or friend B didn't want you there, although that doesn't sound likely given your conversation with her. Hope you find out what has gone on and that friend B ditches friend A and makes you her bridesmaid.

readingismycardio · 07/08/2021 15:59

I wonder if A knows that you weren't invited. To be fair, it does sound like you've outgrown these friendships and sometimes that's okay.

DrManhattan · 07/08/2021 16:02

Op Aka friend C
Please can we have an update?

ACPC · 07/08/2021 16:03

If I was the bride I would be so angry. Your are right to let her know.

DomPom47 · 07/08/2021 16:04

Update?

notanothertakeaway · 07/08/2021 16:07

Oh I see you have already sent a message, sorry

Your message sounds fine. Hope you stay friends with B. A sounds horrible

sykadelic · 07/08/2021 16:07

I'm glad you sent the msg to the Bride. I'd guarantee she was told you couldn't come or something, esp given she msgd you about coming

storkstalk · 07/08/2021 16:15

I think you were right to send the message. Hopefully you’ll find out what happened

youdoyoutoday · 07/08/2021 16:22

Did you send the message in WhatsApp?
Do you know if the bride has seen it yet?

Bumblenums1234 · 07/08/2021 16:22

Hey @Rooree2609 did you get a response? I hate situations like this, they are nasty and bitchy and make you feel like shit.
Flowers

FayeFayeFayeFayeFaye · 07/08/2021 16:25

I bet you were the only one removed from the group then.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/08/2021 16:44

Are there no other mutual friends who would have let uou know the date
Of it

Hope she replies soon

Frodogo · 07/08/2021 16:58

"Friend" A is a horrible person. You're much better off without someone so petty and deceitful as a "friend". She must be either unstable or stupid, as well, because surely she knew you'd find out and confront her or tell B the truth. How does she plan to get away with this childish behaviour?

This puts B in a very awkward position. She'll have to decide how this affects her own friendship with A. I think I'd be hurt if she chose to stay friends with A, knowing how she's treated you.

CantSayJack · 07/08/2021 17:07

You know the saying, two’s company three’s a crowd?
Friend A clearly feels threatened by you and wanted you out of the picture.
Let Friend B know the truth.

Fiveletters · 07/08/2021 17:14

Well done for texting. Hope you don’t have to wait too long for a reply.

Original poster
Rooree2609 · 07/08/2021 17:16

I have spoke to friend B who says she didn't know about me not being invited
It appears another mutual friend wasn't invited either

I will see Friend B before the wedding

Friend A well it appears is no friend
In all honesty I feel very uneasy about the whole thing
The more I think about it the more I think about how much I've been excluded in recent years and I don't think it's all been friend A

Maybe I'm just the boring mum now or something ?

A previous poster asked about mum friends and if I post on social media with them

I actually don't post the kids on social media at all and I've only got a few mum friends..2 of which are school friends and we live all over the place so don't see them much and the rest I'm not that close with

Friend A and B have came to all my child's birthdays etc so I certainly hadn't left the friendships but obviously something has changed

I'm always conscious of not talking about my little ones much with them etc

If I had been to hen I would of been only mum there

OP posts:
30degreesandmeltinghere · 07/08/2021 17:19

Maybe she isn't happy you have dc and was worried they would be the topic of conversation..
Class A bitch though...

phishy · 07/08/2021 17:20

I think you’re right to be wary of them both. I’d sack off Friend A completely and match Friend B’s level of effort to you, don’t go above and beyond for her.

Mummyoflittledragon · 07/08/2021 17:20

So your friend B can see a pattern. Poor woman having chosen such a cow for her BM.

As for you being excluded from meet ups between A and B, it isn’t surprising they meet up on their own. That I wouldn’t take personally as they live in close proximity and are at a similar stage in their lives having no kids.

NammeChannge · 07/08/2021 17:23

Did she call you?

Was she surprised yo hear you hadn't been invited?

bleachblondemom · 07/08/2021 17:24

@Rooree2609 has friend B spoken to friend A about it, or has said that she’s going to? I’d be furious with her for excluding my friends at my own hen do. I feel sorry for friend B that friend A has done that to her.
I have a similar situation with two of my ‘best friends’ who haven’t been very interested in me or my life since I had my son, and they are always doing stuff together and not inviting me (although that started before I had DS and I have felt things changing between me and them for a few years tbh). Fortunately I have another group of girlfriends who don’t treat me any differently now I’m a mom and always make an effort with me and DS. You are absolutely not a boring mom and you shouldn’t have to change yourself to keep ‘relevant’ to them. You deserve better friends, moms or not.

NammeChannge · 07/08/2021 17:24

I meant to add, I would assume friend A is not your friend now but I'd also be a bit wary of friend B. Not sure I'd organise cocktails in any hurry.

Original poster
Rooree2609 · 07/08/2021 17:27

@30degreesandmeltinghere she recently made a comment that she wasn't surprised I was first to get married and have kids because that's what I was always about

Wasn't really sure how to take it that and kind of laughed it off

Also I remember her saying after DS1 I was one of those really obsessed mums so I guess there is a issue

OP posts:
Original poster
Rooree2609 · 07/08/2021 17:28

@NammeChannge I didn't feel she was that surprised it was over message so hard to read but left me feeling more wary than anything tbh

OP posts: