To have had my first quick comeback but now I feel SO guilty!!

[firstquickcomeback]

I'll keep this brief,

We're staying in a hotel, sitting at breakfast and my 5yr old is being a handful (nothing crazy!) just he is very excitable and can be loud at times. Anyway we're all sorted and he's eating nicely and a lady passes our table (early 60's in age I'm guessing) she started talking and then I realized she was talking to me. So I said "pardon" to which she blurted out "he's quite a handful isn't he, I should think you'll be stopping and doing yourself a favour and not having any more!"
Then...without further thought I turned and said "and isn't it a shame your mother didn't stop before having you, she could have done us all a favour before bringing another judgmental person into the world"

Well my husbands jaw dropped! She said "excuse me?" I told her to go away.

The woman on the table across from me said it was the most entertaining thing she had heard all summer and told me she was out of line. BUT now I feel immensely guilty

Should I find her and apologise? WIBU?

I think your retort was justified. She had no business saying that to you; it's offensive and cruel. Good for you.

Brilliant. Do not apologise!!! She should have thought before making such a horrible comment.
2 wrongs dont make a right, however it isn't right that it was said in front of your child and staying silent would not have been acceptable or the right impression to give to tour child.
Love it! Well done

Unnecessary comments from woman but your response was low. No need for children to hear adults talking like that. Let it go now and reflect.

Don't feel bad. She deserved it. I don't know why random people feel they have the right to give their unasked for opinion, but they do. I've had it happen to me and it made me feel awful and ended up with me lowering myself to a slanging match. I wish I had been able to think on my feet and made a quick comeback like you. Well done!

@iklboo

next time she will most likely complain directly to the hotel, rather than attempt to speak to the mother herself.

What exactly do you think the hotel would / could do?

'Excuse me, there's a five year old in the dining room being noisy & excitable'

'Right. We'll evict them straight away & upgrade you to a premier suite madam'

Or

'Erm. Okay. Thanks for letting us know' .

ban the family from eating breakfast in public, as I saw happen in a hotel I stayed in last week, with a child who sounds very similar.

I was grateful. I have spent two years saving up for my holiday. I absolutely did not want my peaceful quiet breakfast ruined by out of control children.

For covid reasons, we all had specific timeslots for breakfast, so I never saw this child, just heard from other guests, and was profoundly grateful that the child was banned, and I didn't have to worry about them ever turning up in my time slot

@BumbleMug

Christ no don’t apologise!!!!

If you do that’s telling her what she said was ok and it’s not. You might have just stopped her from saying something to the next frazzled mum she sees whose mental health might crumble from such a nasty spiteful unwarranted comment. You may have made her think enough to stop her from hurting someone else whose not as strong as you.

THIS!!

If you've made her think before she's horrible to someone else, you've done the world a service!

nd my 5yr old is being a handful (nothing crazy!) just he is very excitable and can be loud at times.

he sounds like an absolute nightmare inconveniencing everybody else around here, so I get why people really had enough of the show and the parents attitude

but I should think you'll be stopping and doing yourself a favour and not having any more that was very rude. She should have just told you to parent your child if she had to say something.

Good for you.
Bit of a handful is annoying but borderline acceptable.
Not have any more is horrendously rude.

I love the part about your husband and the lady sitting neat you.
I would also feel bad afterwards so I get why you feel that way. I don't think an apology will go down well so I would leave it and rest on your laurels for becoming a mn hero

Not a fan of quick retorts. Usually to be regretted.

@SilentPanic
But you, in effect, told another human being that it's a shame that they exist. I don't know any set of circumstances which would make that acceptable

^^ This

Whenever I feel like making a retort I think to myself, ‘What would the Queen do?’ It does work!

@BastardMonkfish

'to the hotel, rather than attempt to speak to the mother herself.

Maybe that is what she should have done this time, although a worse outcome for the OP< certainly'

And what exactly would the hotel do? Tell the 5 year old to stop being a 5 year old? If they didn't want children there they'd make it adults only. Children are allowed to exist and tough shit to any miserable fuckers complaining.

Children are not allowed to ruin everyone else's experience.

Children are allowed to exist, parents are expected to make a judgement about whether their control over their child is adequate for the situation they are bringing their child into.

8ban the family from eating breakfast in public, as I saw happen in a hotel I stayed in last week, with a child who sounds very similar.*

I saw that happened too! The hotel changed the rules to a "no children allowed", but didn't stop mine (or others families) using the room, just the CF. I thought it was brilliant.

@eightyfourandahalf

nd my 5yr old is being a handful (nothing crazy!) just he is very excitable and can be loud at times.

he sounds like an absolute nightmare inconveniencing everybody else around here, so I get why people really had enough of the show and the parents attitude

but I should think you'll be stopping and doing yourself a favour and not having any more that was very rude. She should have just told you to parent your child if she had to say something.

Agreed. This child sounds horrendous, and the parent appears to have no control what so ever.

As I said earlier, I might have some sympathy if the child was 2 or 3, but not 5!

The woman was rude, certainly, but that is entirely secondary to the behaviour of the child, and the lack of control of the parents.

My Mum would say something like that, but laugh, trying to empathise and show support.

Saying something like "He's a bit of a handful, mine was just the same at that age" is empathising. Adding that the parent should not have more children is downright rude.

Neither of you came out of the debacle covered in glory, so you don't have anything to be guilty about.

The woman was rude.... but children being loud and 'excitable' (AKA bratty), can be grating, especially in the morning when other guests may appreciate some peace with their coffee and eggs. Noisy children are acceptable at a holiday camp but not a hotel breakfast room. Perhaps she was annoyed by your five-year old's behaviour and this was the first time she had spoken out too, who knows..

I find ignoring is the most elegant and effective response to rudeness, also the most annoying reaction to the perpetrator; no one likes to be brushed aside. What would you have done if she started arguing back? It could have got out of control. Not classy, at all.

@eightyfourandahalf

8ban the family from eating breakfast in public, as I saw happen in a hotel I stayed in last week, with a child who sounds very similar.*

I saw that happened too! The hotel changed the rules to a "no children allowed", but didn't stop mine (or others families) using the room, just the CF. I thought it was brilliant.

excellent!

She was rude.
You were rude.

Why do you expect anyone to "empathise"?
Other parents are dealing with their own children, and actually parenting - or arranging childcare when the place is not appropriate for a naughty young child.

Child-free people deserve peace and quiet just as much as anyone else.

The one nightmare children ruining it for everybody else should be banned if you ask me.

I was grateful. I have spent two years saving up for my holiday. I absolutely did not want my peaceful quiet breakfast ruined by out of control children.

Then pick an adults only hotel.

I was already to say YABU as sometimes parents are oblivious to their children poor behaviour and the impact it's having in others but in this instance I think you handled it perfectly.
Yes 5 years olds can be noisy but her comment was totally unnecessary and your reply was spot on.
She wasn't commenting on your parenting she was giving you unasked for advice which you, in my opinion, replied to by giving her the same without shouting, swearing or being rude.
Please do not go and find her and apologise.

starfishmummy

My kids and I don't want our own breakfast ruined by out of control children. Why should my kids be punished or have to avoid breakfast exactly?

@starfishmummy

I was grateful. I have spent two years saving up for my holiday. I absolutely did not want my peaceful quiet breakfast ruined by out of control children.

Then pick an adults only hotel.

Why should I?

Parents need to control their children. If they don't, hotels can and do ban them from public areas. Problem solved

She was rude and nasty but so were you. IMO your retort was worse.

Unbeknown to me my MIL used to make comments to mothersparents except one time someone took her down several pegs with a comeback. She realised that she had never considered she would be judged back or replied to, especially when they called her an old woman. She decided to stop doing it.

The woman was rude to you OP, she made a comment that you should not have any more children. That is really crossing the line. Hopefully it will make her choose her words carefully in future. There is solidarity with other parents, this wasn't it.

Unnecessary comments from woman but your response was low. No need for children to hear adults talking like that. Let it go now and reflect.

Well if the woman hadn't come over to criticize and belittle the op,she never would have got her arse handed to her.

@firstquickcomeback all these posters making excuses for the rude woman are probably the rude woman.

Saying the op shouldn't have any more children is disgusting,no one has a right to say that.

And as someone pointed out I bet she wouldn't have went up to a group of drunk adults and made a smart remark.
I wonder why that is 🤔🤔

@54321nought calm down, you're over doing it now. yes everyone gets you hate children, that's cool. Off you trot now to a nice child free site, there's a dear.