To have had my first quick comeback but now I feel SO guilty!!

[firstquickcomeback]

I'll keep this brief,

We're staying in a hotel, sitting at breakfast and my 5yr old is being a handful (nothing crazy!) just he is very excitable and can be loud at times. Anyway we're all sorted and he's eating nicely and a lady passes our table (early 60's in age I'm guessing) she started talking and then I realized she was talking to me. So I said "pardon" to which she blurted out "he's quite a handful isn't he, I should think you'll be stopping and doing yourself a favour and not having any more!"
Then...without further thought I turned and said "and isn't it a shame your mother didn't stop before having you, she could have done us all a favour before bringing another judgmental person into the world"

Well my husbands jaw dropped! She said "excuse me?" I told her to go away.

The woman on the table across from me said it was the most entertaining thing she had heard all summer and told me she was out of line. BUT now I feel immensely guilty

Should I find her and apologise? WIBU?

FABULOUS

That’s priceless OP. I wish I was more like you

She was incredibly rude and deserved the comeback.

I think anyone criticising you for being rude in return are wrong; the woman said this in front of your child who wasn't doing anything wrong. You were right to stand up for him.

@FasterthanBolt

When my ds was about 18 months he had a tantrum and lay down on the pavement doing that rigid thing where you can't pick them up (I was also quite pregnant so couldn't bend. A woman crossed the road to tell me 'I needed to learn how to be in control before I brought another feral child into the world'. I told her it was a shame she was brought into the world and promptly burst into tears. Ds then got up and ran headlong into the woman's shins and told her to go away! Please don't feel guilty, you did nothing wrong.

That’s just brilliant! Proper emotional intelligence at such a young age. 😂

Meh, you were pretty savage but you've done the world a favour. Maybe she'll think twice now before being "clumsy" (fucking rude) to strangers in future..

Bravo !

It doesn't really matter if what she said was wrong, rude, or anything else. You don't know her and you don't have control over how she conducts herself. You do have control over yourself, your own words and behaviour. Do you actually want to be the kind of person who can say cruel and cutting things to others and not feel any stings of conscience? I'm guessing not, or your conscience wouldn't be plaguing you now.

[quote firstquickcomeback]@HopeClearwater he was excited at first and ran up to he table. Then he changed chairs 3 times exclaiming he wanted to sit beside mummy. Then he knocked over his orange juice. It all happened very fast, he had a loud voice. But by the time the lady came over he was sitting nicely and eating quietly. [/quote]
So absolutely normal behaviour for a 5 year old then. YANBU she was incredibly rude, i think yr reasponce was spot on.

I think she deserved to have her bad attitude matched. Don't feel guilty!

@beastlyslumber

What she said was thoughtless but it might have just been verbal clumsiness and not meant unkindly. What you said in response was quite cruel. I wouldn't seek her out to apologise, but I probably would apologise if I saw her again. Maybe she 'deserved' it but I'm not sure if anyone can judge that really. You can only decide which of your actions you're happy with. Your guilty feeling is your conscience letting you know you're not at peace with what you said to her.

The part saying he’s a handful could have been excused as clumsiness. Not when she went on to say op shouldn’t have any more children. That was plain rude. She has no idea if op only has only one child by choice and the comment could be very upsetting. I wish I could come up with such good retorts.

So he was basically being a 5 year old. Knocking over a glass/cup happens almost every bloody day with small children.
Switching chairs...what kids do. None of that was him being difficult. And its first thing In the morning..most of them thunder around like a labrador puppy. That's how 5 year olds act. Especially when excited being out somewhere else.

Dont listen to the moany arseholes op. I think you're great

Brilliant! Wish I could think that quickly.

she'll think twice before sending out another boomerang that comes back to hit her in the face!
fuck her and her kind.

no apology needed

Good on you.

Think of the other people you have saved from her rudeness because I doubt she'll be doing it again lol.

Fantastic! Put her in her place with her unwanted comments. She was incredibly rude to say about not having anymore, don't apologise to her. Maybe next time she'll keep her mouth closed.

@Notimeforaname

So he was basically being a 5 year old. Knocking over a glass/cup happens almost every bloody day with small children. Switching chairs...what kids do. None of that was him being difficult. And its first thing In the morning..most of them thunder around like a labrador puppy. That's how 5 year olds act. Especially when excited being out somewhere else. Dont listen to the moany arseholes op. I think you're great

um no.

That's not how 5 year olds act

That is possibly how 3 year olds act

But even then, you would hope that a parent who has chosen to stay in a hotel and share a dining room with people who have paid for a holiday can control the noise levels

FasterthanBolt it's always the same type of bitter person who just has to say these things. And to a pregnant woman as well. Jesus. People see a split second snapshot of your day and think they have you all figured out and could live your life better for you if youd only listen to their strange, unsolicited advice

Personally I think you've dragged yourself down to her level, when " mind your own business " would have sufficed .

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

she'll think twice before sending out another boomerang that comes back to hit her in the face! fuck her and her kind.

no apology needed

next time she will most likely complain directly to the hotel, rather than attempt to speak to the mother herself.

Maybe that is what she should have done this time, although a worse outcome for the OP< certainly

@Aprilx

Reading between the lines, your child was being a noisy brat, somebody said something to you and got an earful from you in response. I somehow think I would prefer her as a fellow hotel guest.

The comment about the child’s behaviour may have be justified, but the comment about the OP not having more children was despicable and beyond the pale.

@Comedycook

How did she deliver her line...if it was said seriously with a sneering look then yanbu. If she said it whilst smiling and laughing as in a joke, yabu.

I dunno about this. So much unkind or offensive stuff is excused away as a joke.

Thing is people like that go around being judgemental & rude, sometimes openly and no one ever says anything.
Plenty of us probably have someone like it in the family that everyone knows is rude, but just roll their eyes and say 'that's just the way they are'. They sometimes make life quite unpleasant for the wider family, make you dread family gatherings etc.
There's probably a daughter in law somewhere that would be doing a dance of joy if she knew about your comeback!

Maybe she's never been told off before! Well done OP 👏

I think what she said was very rude indeed but what you said was even worse. It is possible to put people in their place without being rude. I would have said "thanks but that's my decision to make without any intervention from people who don't know me". Then a smileless stare until she shuffled off maybe. More factual, less opinionated.

um no

That's not how 5 year olds act

That is possibly how 3 year olds act

But even then, you would hope that a parent who has chosen to stay in a hotel and share a dining room with people who have paid for a holiday can control the noise levels

Um, perhaps you personally dont know 5 year olds who get excited,loud or knock cups over. But my 16 years experience working with and teaching children of this age,from all backgrounds is proof I see it as a normal thing and it exists.

'to the hotel, rather than attempt to speak to the mother herself.

Maybe that is what she should have done this time, although a worse outcome for the OP< certainly'

And what exactly would the hotel do? Tell the 5 year old to stop being a 5 year old? If they didn't want children there they'd make it adults only. Children are allowed to exist and tough shit to any miserable fuckers complaining.