To have had my first quick comeback but now I feel SO guilty!!

[firstquickcomeback]

I'll keep this brief,

We're staying in a hotel, sitting at breakfast and my 5yr old is being a handful (nothing crazy!) just he is very excitable and can be loud at times. Anyway we're all sorted and he's eating nicely and a lady passes our table (early 60's in age I'm guessing) she started talking and then I realized she was talking to me. So I said "pardon" to which she blurted out "he's quite a handful isn't he, I should think you'll be stopping and doing yourself a favour and not having any more!"
Then...without further thought I turned and said "and isn't it a shame your mother didn't stop before having you, she could have done us all a favour before bringing another judgmental person into the world"

Well my husbands jaw dropped! She said "excuse me?" I told her to go away.

The woman on the table across from me said it was the most entertaining thing she had heard all summer and told me she was out of line. BUT now I feel immensely guilty

Should I find her and apologise? WIBU?

Good woman yourself!!! Fair play. Collect 10 cool pints !

There are some comments that people make that don’t deserve a comeback.

And there are some that deserve an absolute slap down.

Her’s was so in the latter category!

You are a genius!

Absolutely nothing to apologise for!

Why do I feel guilty?

It's not usually like me to talk back like that I suppose 

@Aprilx he wasn't being brat.

My Mum would say something like that, but laugh, trying to empathise and show support. Only you know the way it was said. Some people are clumsy.
But aside from that I think we should all remember that some children have regressed in public behaviour because they've missed a year of eating etc out. I would have reminded her of that and retained the moral high ground.

Hahahahahaha fabulous 🤣

Don't feel guilty.

Yes, YWBU. You made yourself a hypocrite. You were as rude as she was. You could have just pointed out her rudeness instead.

Reading between the lines, = making stuff up to fit my own narrative.

When my ds was about 18 months he had a tantrum and lay down on the pavement doing that rigid thing where you can't pick them up (I was also quite pregnant so couldn't bend. A woman crossed the road to tell me 'I needed to learn how to be in control before I brought another feral child into the world'. I told her it was a shame she was brought into the world and promptly burst into tears. Ds then got up and ran headlong into the woman's shins and told her to go away! Please don't feel guilty, you did nothing wrong.

Well done.

This is the sort of come back I think about an hour later and wish I'd been quick enough to say.

Yes, YWBU. You made yourself a hypocrite. You were as rude as she was. You could have just pointed out her rudeness instead
clCant agree with this at all. OP was minding her own business and this woman decided to invite herself over and comment on her child and future plans for children. Nasty woman. My jaw would have hot the floor at her op...not you.

What she said was thoughtless but it might have just been verbal clumsiness and not meant unkindly. What you said in response was quite cruel. I wouldn't seek her out to apologise, but I probably would apologise if I saw her again. Maybe she 'deserved' it but I'm not sure if anyone can judge that really. You can only decide which of your actions you're happy with. Your guilty feeling is your conscience letting you know you're not at peace with what you said to her.

She was rude.
Then you were were rude too.

Nobody benefits and your child has been set a bad example by two adults, one of whom is his mother.

What was your son doing, exactly?

@firstquickcomeback

Why do I feel guilty?

It's not usually like me to talk back like that I suppose 

@Aprilx he wasn't being brat.

But do you think it was undeserved? Or are you just juddery because you’ve never done that before?

She was horribly rude (even if your child was playing up) and your retort was clever, but honestly, I'd feel a bit guilty too. It just seems so much harsher than what she said. Tbh, that's such a weird thing for her to have said to you in the context that I'd wonder if there might be a reason for her not to be fully aware of how inappropriate it was.

Apologising, well, that's up to you. Let your conscience be your guide.

Maybe your dh will have a touch more respect for his hard ass dw!!

Feel no guilt op!!

@HopeClearwater he was excited at first and ran up to he table. Then he changed chairs 3 times exclaiming he wanted to sit beside mummy. Then he knocked over his orange juice. It all happened very fast, he had a loud voice. But by the time the lady came over he was sitting nicely and eating quietly.

Christ no don’t apologise!!!!

If you do that’s telling her what she said was ok and it’s not. You might have just stopped her from saying something to the next frazzled mum she sees whose mental health might crumble from such a nasty spiteful unwarranted comment. You may have made her think enough to stop her from hurting someone else whose not as strong as you.

She was extremely rude.
Many 5 year olds tend to be a bit noisy sometimes. Doesn't mean they're badly behaved, it often means they're happy, confident & having fun.

You have nothing to apologise for.

Pmsl 🤭

Don't feel guilty! She was rude and deserved the short shrift you gave her.

I once was trying to pick up a screaming toddler mid tantrum off the floor in asda. An older woman ran up and told me he was screaming because I was hurting him I really wasn't. He was screaming because he wanted a £20 toy 2 days after his birthday.

I wish I had thought of something quick to reply with!

Hmm. Well, I don't want a child who is a "handful" and " loud and excitable" eating breakfast with me in a hotel I have paid for, thankyou very much, even if his mother does consider him "not too crazy"

If someone from another table is disturbed enough to consider he is a "handful" to the extent that something needs to be said to the parent, then who insulted who, and how clever-clever was your come back is really not the issue here.

If that's how she feels, then that is how others at breakfast also feel, and your "loud and excitable" child is intruding on everyone's holiday

@Aprilx

Reading between the lines, your child was being a noisy brat, somebody said something to you and got an earful from you in response. I somehow think I would prefer her as a fellow hotel guest.

You say that, but she may well have found something about your circumstances to pass comment about. People who are happy to make unsolicited remarks like that are unlikely to limit themselves to just the ones that you approve of.

Op, you feel guilty because you prefer to be kinder, but I would apologised if see said he’s a handful, the don’t have any more is out of order in so many levels, at least she won’t be saying things like that to any more unsuspecting woman, funny that she didn’t address your husband, right?