To have had my first quick comeback but now I feel SO guilty!!

[firstquickcomeback]

I'll keep this brief,

We're staying in a hotel, sitting at breakfast and my 5yr old is being a handful (nothing crazy!) just he is very excitable and can be loud at times. Anyway we're all sorted and he's eating nicely and a lady passes our table (early 60's in age I'm guessing) she started talking and then I realized she was talking to me. So I said "pardon" to which she blurted out "he's quite a handful isn't he, I should think you'll be stopping and doing yourself a favour and not having any more!"
Then...without further thought I turned and said "and isn't it a shame your mother didn't stop before having you, she could have done us all a favour before bringing another judgmental person into the world"

Well my husbands jaw dropped! She said "excuse me?" I told her to go away.

The woman on the table across from me said it was the most entertaining thing she had heard all summer and told me she was out of line. BUT now I feel immensely guilty

Should I find her and apologise? WIBU?

I have managed a mind your own business or whats it got to do with you before. Nothing more brutal.
But I still think she deserved it.

Love it how people call her ‘clumsy’ and such when in fact she was fucking rude.
I personally would’t feel guilty OP - some people will only learn if they see their actions mirrored to them.
As for setting a bad example for your son - BS, if anything, you showed him it’s ok to stand up against bullies (which this woman was…)

I’m not keen on clever responses but let’s be quite clear what her comment meant. She basically told @firstquickcomeback that her first. child was SO awful she shouldn’t have ant more. HORRIBLE.
Peopke used to happily say “rather you than me” when I was out with my twins. They always said it in such an off hand jokey way. just fucking rude if you ask me.
Next time just tell whoever to “go away”, but. I wouldn’t feel too guilty.

@Comedycook

How did she deliver her line...if it was said seriously with a sneering look then yanbu. If she said it whilst smiling and laughing as in a joke, yabu.

"I should think you'll be stopping and doing yourself a favour and not having any more!"

How in any way could this be said to a stranger and be okay? Things said whilst smiling and laughing can be just as cutting if not more so. The joker just thinks they should get away with it by covering themselves with a titter. Fuck that.

Bravo OP she deserved it, wish I had the balls to respond like that, some people just think its their right to comment, Don't seek her out to apologise.

My new comeback to rudeness is GET FUCKED! You are an awesome Mum standing up for your son simply being a child....WELL DONE YOU..xxxxx

Dont apologize.

She was a cow. But you, in effect, told another human being that it's a shame that they exist. I don't know any set of circumstances which would make that acceptable, and to say that in front of your child is pretty bad. I'm sure you felt frazzled and wouldn't have reacted if you were in a clearer mind space, so I don't think there's much point mulling over it now.

@Clydesider

Yes, YWBU. You made yourself a hypocrite. You were as rude as she was. You could have just pointed out her rudeness instead.

I don’t agree. Mumsnet is full of examples of rude and opinionated bullies, (for that is what they are), who will go on criticising people and will not stop until someone bites back.

If she really had reason to complain, the hotel would have been more appropriate, I doubt she would have ask they request op stop having children, that is why the comment was despicable and a how dare you reply wouldn’t suffice

She was bloody rude - don’t feel guilty! She’ll think twice next time and it might save some poor desperate mother feeling frazzled and anxious from a horrible experience.

@Applesonthelawn

I think what she said was very rude indeed but what you said was even worse. It is possible to put people in their place without being rude. I would have said "thanks but that's my decision to make without any intervention from people who don't know me". Then a smileless stare until she shuffled off maybe. More factual, less opinionated.

Gosh I wouldn’t even give that much response.

My usual tactic (which doesn’t require quickness of thought because it can apply to nearly every comment) is to ask people to repeat as though you haven’t quite heard. By the time you have asked them “could you repeat, I didn’t quite catch it?” once or twice and they have had to think about and repeat their words they start to feel a bit silly in my experience

I see the ridiculous cheerleaders are on here with their nonsense.

Sorry OP, she was very rude if she said that to you - I think a better response would have been just to tell her how outrageously rude she was and better ignored. And then ignored her.

Not stooped to her level and actually lower.

If she hand been empathising in her "he's a handful" that would be fine imo - but she crossed the line with the rest of her statement

She deserved it! Well done OP.

People like that think they can say whatever the hell they want to people and not get it thrown right back at them.

Arcminute, I do that 'could you repeat please?' quite often and the repeated statement is never as rude or pointed as the original was.

Amazing quick thinking!

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

Personally I think you've dragged yourself down to her level, when " mind your own business " would have sufficed .

^ I tend to agree with this.

@Notimeforaname

um no

That's not how 5 year olds act

That is possibly how 3 year olds act

But even then, you would hope that a parent who has chosen to stay in a hotel and share a dining room with people who have paid for a holiday can control the noise levels

Um, perhaps you personally dont know 5 year olds who get excited,loud or knock cups over. But my 16 years experience working with and teaching children of this age,from all backgrounds is proof I see it as a normal thing and it exists.

👏🏻👏🏻

Obviously it's now how we'd want out 5yo to behave but it's hardly crime of the century and the fact he settled down in a chair and was eating sensibly means the OP did parent well.

She brought the situation back under control.

The woman coming over and commenting after he'd settled was done as deliberate attempt to judge and make OP feel bad.

Now she knows what that feels like. I can't see anything to apologise over.

I'm always prepared to speak my mind. Her comment was unnecessary to you, she could have just thought it to herself. Your comment was a suitable reply and she will think twice about making comments to strangers in future.

Brilliant response imv you you were quite polite considering her comment!

next time she will most likely complain directly to the hotel, rather than attempt to speak to the mother herself.

What exactly do you think the hotel would / could do?

'Excuse me, there's a five year old in the dining room being noisy & excitable'

'Right. We'll evict them straight away & upgrade you to a premier suite madam'

Or

'Erm. Okay. Thanks for letting us know' .

Well done OP, maybe she’ll mind her own business next time.

I don't think you feel guilty at all and started this thread hoping for everyone to fall over themselves to tell you how funny and clever you are.

5zeds those comments are so unnecessary. And its always about kids. I never see an adult walk up to another adult/group of adults and just have a go at them.

I dont have children but I've worked with then my entire adult life. There's been many occasions in public where a child has been upset/agitated, the judgemental moany bastards will look to people like me who haven't got kids and assume I feel like them...rolling their eye saying things like ''This is fuckin awful isnt is...somebody shut the thing up...rather them than us eh??!''

Its disgusts me. I usually ignore but theres been a few occasions I've told them not to be so judgemental.

Of course these people were never young children themselves,nor were they difficult for even one day of their lives, were they? We must remember that!