To have had my first quick comeback but now I feel SO guilty!!

[firstquickcomeback]

I'll keep this brief,

We're staying in a hotel, sitting at breakfast and my 5yr old is being a handful (nothing crazy!) just he is very excitable and can be loud at times. Anyway we're all sorted and he's eating nicely and a lady passes our table (early 60's in age I'm guessing) she started talking and then I realized she was talking to me. So I said "pardon" to which she blurted out "he's quite a handful isn't he, I should think you'll be stopping and doing yourself a favour and not having any more!"
Then...without further thought I turned and said "and isn't it a shame your mother didn't stop before having you, she could have done us all a favour before bringing another judgmental person into the world"

Well my husbands jaw dropped! She said "excuse me?" I told her to go away.

The woman on the table across from me said it was the most entertaining thing she had heard all summer and told me she was out of line. BUT now I feel immensely guilty

Should I find her and apologise? WIBU?

I think I would feel guilty too if I had replied like that, mainly because that's my personality - to feel guilty about everything. But, even if this woman was joking, she should have minded her own business. For all she knew, you could have been desperately trying for another child, or any number of things could have been going on in your life to make her comment ill judged.

'Oooh, you've got your hands full there' said in a pleasant/jokey tone would have been ok, but the rest of the comment was taking it too far. She deserved your response. It would be good if it made her think twice in future, but someone who has it in them to say that in the first place is unlikely to change.

I wouldn't be rude like that in front of my child. I'd be most worried my child would learn it's ok to try and be more nasty to someone without manners and that's a slippery slope. School won't appreciate a child who reckons revenge is the way forward to a perceived slight. The OP could have stuck for herself while not being nasty and vengeful. We've filled our quota on people who think vengeance is the right way forward in the world. It then relies on whether or not the other person 'deserved it'. It's just adding to the unpleasantness. 'Gosh that's staggeringly rude.' would have done it without the nastiness. I wouldn't be clapping my hands with glee at a parent modelling vengeful unpleasant behaviour even if 'deserved'.

Her being 60 is relevant because there's something particularly annoying about older people giving unsolicited advice.
I don't know why they think they can spew their shit while expecting younger generations to respect them.

Once I was walking with my mum and an old lady told me (with a nasty look & tone of voice suggesting I was stupid) that it's too cold to wear a dress only and I should put a coat on.
I was 35, heavily pregnant so absolutely boiling hot in mild, late-March weather.
We were on our way to my dad's funeral so I was a bit preoccupied, but I wish I had a better come-back than "thanks Grandma, but keep your opinion to yourself"

So you are ageist smallchairs. So do you think all that generation have unrealistic expectations of childrens behaviour. Would the colour of her skin be relevant? No thought not but cultural influences definitely have an influence on expectations of children

Apologise my arse 😂 That was perfect

Well done OP. She was incredibly rude, and those excusing her for being clumsy, what if the OP had just had a miscarriage? If she had an issue with the noise or behavior she should have been direct about it with a clear instruction e.g. "please stop your son smacking his spoon against the bowl it is very distracting" not that passive aggressive bullshit.

But OP you probably feel guilty because you had an unpleasant confrontation with someone else, and you were probably raised to be "a good girl" and not talk back to your elders etc. You did well, and probably saved some other poor mum from this nasty woman's comments in the future.

@MaMelon

Where was your husband in all this, OP? He was very silent

A woman speaking up, responding to rudeness and coping just fine without requiring her husband’s input? Heaven forbid.

yup.

maybe he should've said "don't worry your pretty little head honey, let your big strong manly man handle this"

ffs

FFS yourself, Zing, he had plenty to say about his expectation of OP's behaviour.

My post wasn't about OP needing to stand back to let her husband handle it so kindly don't make it so.

FFS yourself
🤣
what does that even mean?
I can't "for fuck's sake" myself. that's not a thing

People like that rely on other people being too embarrassed or too nice to give them a taste of their own medicine, good for you! She was rude and out of order.

She was rude to you and you answered back, probably in the heat of the moment. I wouldn't give it any more head space - she probably hasn't either.

People like that rely on other people being too embarrassed or too nice to give them a taste of their own medicine

that could apply with the OP inflicting an unruly child as much as the woman commenting

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba

FFS yourself 🤣 what does that even mean? I can't "for fuck's sake" myself. that's not a thing

Well... it made sense to me at the time!

I don’t think you actually said that tho. Maybe you thought it after she walked away so made this thread for the reaction you didn’t get.

Bloody excellent
Well done you!!

@RLOU30

I don’t think you actually said that tho. Maybe you thought it after she walked away so made this thread for the reaction you didn’t get.

Why do you even feel the need to post this response? It's just nasty.

Why because I’ve said it rather than implied it like many pps before me?
Come on we’ve all had those “I wish I replied that” moments - this was one of them imo. Nothing nasty about that.

[quote saveforthat]@SmallChairs mmm best excuse for casual ageism Ive heard for a while. Of course the child's age is relevant, if they were 10 we'd expect better behaviour surely. The woman was an adult whether she is 20 or 70 is not relevant.[/quote]
Well the age could be relevant as a 20 year old might not have had a child so inexperienced eg " My child will never have a dummy " etc and a 60 year old may have raised her children and have experience 🤔 or it's an attempt to make her look like an old fuddy daddy.

I think she deserved it. It was downright rude. I get that people can be annoyed when there are young children spoiling their well deserved breaks but it was breakfast , not a romantic evening meal. Breakfasts in hotels are busy noisy places with people up and down at buffets , feeding themselves and their families . She should have gone to a child free hotel if she didn't want any kids about . 5 year olds can be well behaved but we all know that they can be excited and spontaneous as well . Moving a few chairs about is hardly a crime. It's not as if he was interfering with other tables or wandering about . Describing him as a brat is OTT. She was an interfering busy body who needed taking down a peg or two. Maybe on reflection , the response could have been less forthright but you were put on the spot and reacted instinctively . Better you said what you did rather than nothing in my view

She was rude but you stooped to her level and went even lower. Your child will now think this is the correct course of action in response to rudeness.
Apart from that, his behaviour does not seem fine. At his age and in a hotel setting, I would expect you and his dad to have a better handle on him. As you are his parent you will not realise how annoying his behaviour is to other people, so you have to try and put yourself in someone else’s shoes and remove the mummy goggles. By your own description it does sound like he was disturbing other people. If he weren’t, the lady wouldn’t have commented. It must have been pretty bad. I’ve seen behaviour like that and the parents are always oblivious because they think their kid is the cutest thing.

This reminds me of that scene in "you've got mail" when Meg Ryan's character says something to Tom Hanks character, something about having a cash register for a heart. Then she feels bad and questions why.
Ultimately you feel bad because cutting comments clearly don't come easily to you, like most people you are probably a normal kind person in day to day life. At the end of the day you wouldn't have said what you did if she hadn't been so rude in the first place. Don't beat yourself up. That little jiminy cricket on your shoulder is just doing his job.

Brilliant !

Don’t feel bad - maybe next time she’ll keep her nasty mouth shut.

@namesnamesnamesnames

Oh my god, you're the type of person I envy if I see in real life! I can never think quickly enough to give such good responses.

Well done.

Yes - this! ^

Maybe she'll reflect on this incident when she's next tempted to make an unasked for - and rude - comment! 🌹

@54321nought who are you? In as much as what kind of life do you have? Family, friends, a job? Have your ever had children, any experience whatsoever with small children? Just really confused as to how you came to be expressing offensive opinions about the completely normal behaviour of a 5 year old on a parenting website.....most odd, might want to rethink how you spend your spare time. And 5 year olds are tiny, not exactly charging bulls causing mass chaos, been a while since I had one but can't imagine being so bitter and unpleasant about one

Where was your husband in all this, OP? He was very silent.

Glowing with pride I hope.