To have had my first quick comeback but now I feel SO guilty!!

[firstquickcomeback]

I'll keep this brief,

We're staying in a hotel, sitting at breakfast and my 5yr old is being a handful (nothing crazy!) just he is very excitable and can be loud at times. Anyway we're all sorted and he's eating nicely and a lady passes our table (early 60's in age I'm guessing) she started talking and then I realized she was talking to me. So I said "pardon" to which she blurted out "he's quite a handful isn't he, I should think you'll be stopping and doing yourself a favour and not having any more!"
Then...without further thought I turned and said "and isn't it a shame your mother didn't stop before having you, she could have done us all a favour before bringing another judgmental person into the world"

Well my husbands jaw dropped! She said "excuse me?" I told her to go away.

The woman on the table across from me said it was the most entertaining thing she had heard all summer and told me she was out of line. BUT now I feel immensely guilty

Should I find her and apologise? WIBU?

MotherOfGremlins

and only on MN people are offensive enough to instantly decide a rude and naught child "has a disability" and all SEND children are a disturbance.

Calling "performance parenting" a normal parent putting boundaries to your child? wow, just wow.

@SmallChairs mmm best excuse for casual ageism Ive heard for a while. Of course the child's age is relevant, if they were 10 we'd expect better behaviour surely. The woman was an adult whether she is 20 or 70 is not relevant.

I’m absolutely sick of this expectation that women (and it’s always women!) should be dignified, turn the other cheek, not stoop to their level. Why? If someone is horrible rude, they need to be told so in language they understand. All that rising above it, turning the other cheek and not stooping to their level does is show them that their behaviour is justified. I won’t be doing it any more.

“Yes she was rude, but so was OP”. And? What’s your point? The woman will certainly think twice before bullying a stranger in public again, that’s for sure. And I’d bet my last pound that the woman wouldn’t have said a word if OP’s DH was with the child on his own. Notice she approached and spoke to the OP despite her DH being there, rather than him or both of them together? Mother’s are seen as easy targets by bullies. It’s a fact. The more of us that stand up to it, the better IMO.

Good for you!!

OP, that's a brilliant response!

Bluntness100

Did ye? Aye.

I'm with Bluntness on this.

[quote saveforthat]@SmallChairs mmm best excuse for casual ageism Ive heard for a while. Of course the child's age is relevant, if they were 10 we'd expect better behaviour surely. The woman was an adult whether she is 20 or 70 is not relevant.[/quote]
Nope. If the child’s age is relevant to the standard of behaviour expected, then the age of type bitchy complainant might be considered to be relevant to the extent to which that behaviour contravened generational codes of child behaviour.

@CanIPullYouForAChat

I’m absolutely sick of this expectation that women (and it’s always women!) should be dignified, turn the other cheek, not stoop to their level. Why? If someone is horrible rude, they need to be told so in language they understand. All that rising above it, turning the other cheek and not stooping to their level does is show them that their behaviour is justified. I won’t be doing it any more.

“Yes she was rude, but so was OP”. And? What’s your point? The woman will certainly think twice before bullying a stranger in public again, that’s for sure. And I’d bet my last pound that the woman wouldn’t have said a word if OP’s DH was with the child on his own. Notice she approached and spoke to the OP despite her DH being there, rather than him or both of them together? Mother’s are seen as easy targets by bullies. It’s a fact. The more of us that stand up to it, the better IMO.

Quite. And yet it is ALWAYS a woman who posts about a pithy comeback she has made/wanted to make about another woman.

Men can be abusive, they are certainly more vocal than women - and ruder, definitely bullying. Where are these comebacks to them?

There aren't any, are there? That bullying label, so annoying.

If this happened in the way described then I don't believe the OP to be wanting to apologise at all, this is the place for whoops and hollers when somebody posts that they've 'put somebody in their place' - or has dreamed of doing so.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe the reason there aren’t as many witty comebacks to men is generally because women fear violence and aggression as a response. That hardly makes the situation better.

My dh said he didn't think I had the ability to speak to ppl like that. He thought I was fairly justified but I'm someone who suffers a guilty conscience

Yes and you've just explained my point, CanIPullYouForAChat. Women on women. Nice.

@firstquickcomeback

My dh said he didn't think I had the ability to speak to ppl like that. He thought I was fairly justified but I'm someone who suffers a guilty conscience

Do not feel guilty - her inability to keep a nasty thought in her head deserved her t.

@firstquickcomeback

My dh said he didn't think I had the ability to speak to ppl like that. He thought I was fairly justified but I'm someone who suffers a guilty conscience

Where was your husband in all this, OP? He was very silent.

Hahahaha made me laugh. Good on ya

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Yes and you've just explained my point, CanIPullYouForAChat. Women on women. Nice.

So we should just sit back and let women pick on other women, just because we fear doing the same towards men for our own safety? Is that what you’re saying? We need to just suck it up?

No thanks.

And whilst you are talking about “women on women”, at the risk of sounding like OP’s 5 year old, the other woman was the one who started it. She was the one who decided to go up to another woman in public, and say something rude. Not to the OP’s husband, to the OP. For no reason other than to be spiteful.

But oh no, the OP can’t possibly respond in kind. That would be bullying and women not supporting other women

@Bluntness100

Did ye? Aye.

I'm with this ^

@eightyfourandahalf I know it's hard, but try reading my whole post would you?

It was hugely rude of her. Good on ya!

But I get it I'm like this too. Someone will be shitty to me or make life difficult and I'll feel bad when I say something or put boundaries in place. But if she didn't want you to be rude to her she should not have been so fucking rude to you in the first place.

@beastlyslumber Did you have a bowl of sanctimony for breakfast,dear?

[quote MotherOfGremlins]@eightyfourandahalf I know it's hard, but try reading my whole post would you?[/quote]
I obviously touched a nerve, I stand by my posts, you should actually read them. I just hope I won't end up in a restaurant next to you!

Where was your husband in all this, OP? He was very silent

A woman speaking up, responding to rudeness and coping just fine without requiring her husband’s input? Heaven forbid.

Excellent? You did good!

[quote EKGEMS]@beastlyslumber Did you have a bowl of sanctimony for breakfast,dear? [/quote]
Don't be so horrible. I've done nothing to deserve it.