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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For wanting to block this girl?

165 replies

Cupcakejamlover · 05/08/2021 14:40

So this girl recently moved to London from very far away since she married a family acquaintance (in law’s family). Her husband is around my husbands age and they know each other, but aren’t close friends. Not for a particular reason, but it just never happened. Hubby and I went with my in laws to congratulate the couple for their wedding and welcome her in London, and meet her & get to know her. We took each other’s instagram by the end of the night so we can stay in touch. (I initiated this). A few weeks later i messaged her, told her if she was free to come over for a coffe (thinking it would be nice to build a friendship, especially for her since she barely knows anyone here.) she then answered “i would love to but i can’t this weekend, are you free next week? We would meet at a coffe shop.” Initially i didnt think much of it and said yes, but later on I kind of felt like it was very rude of her that I invited her to my house, for her to not ask but demand “we would meet at a coffe shop”. So when she asked me what day suits me, I told her i’d have to check with my husband when he’s free since he would have to babysit (have a young baby and am not comfortable taking him with me to coffe shops during covid and after that i wrote “Or if you want you could come with your hubby one day so the guys can meet as well, for us it’s just easier that way with the baby” and after that i got ignored, its been days with no answer!!
Is it just me or is this very rude? Anyways i’m now thinking of unfollowing her and make her unfollow me on instagram and leave it there, seems like she will be a difficult friend right? Am I overreacting or do you think i’m right?

OP posts:

MingeofDeath · 05/08/2021 16:40

Do you usually get upset by trivial things?

warmandtoasty2day · 05/08/2021 16:42

yet another none event drama on mn. some people don't seem to be able to think for themselves and need to ask such daft things on here, why?

Seesawmummadaw · 05/08/2021 16:42

I think you’ve scared her off.
Either by being so extreme or because of using the word ‘hubby’ (this would send me running).

Odile13 · 05/08/2021 16:43

I think you’re being harsh OP. Her reply was fine. I think you made assumptions and took offence. Maybe she isn’t sure what to say now and is confused about what to do.

Bluntness100 · 05/08/2021 16:47

@Odile13

I think you’re being harsh OP. Her reply was fine. I think you made assumptions and took offence. Maybe she isn’t sure what to say now and is confused about what to do.

This, you’d just not expect someone to react like you’d suggested something outlandish, it was a simple suggestion. And to want to be so horrible to someone and cut them out totally because they suggested a coffee shop is quite absurd.

TheGlassBlowersDaughter · 05/08/2021 16:48

Have you posted a similar drama with someone else? Because your posting style and the 'drama' seems very familiar.
YABU as nearly everyone has said. Lots of people don't want to meet in houses yet because of Covid. Plus it's usual to meet people you don't really know outside first, then progress to meeting at their homes.
Step away from insta. Dial down the drama. Perhaps let your DH deal with his relatives in the future because you seem determined to make this relationship awkward for everyone.

FinallyDecided · 05/08/2021 16:48

Yeah she's not the difficult one. You're bonkers OP.

RusholmeRuffian · 05/08/2021 16:49

You sound like hard work. She's dodged a bullet.

bluebeck · 05/08/2021 16:49

Are you 12?

This is such tedious drama.

Just forget about it.

Arrowheart · 05/08/2021 16:51

You are way overthinking this OP. I agree she has dodged a bullet. If you're like this about something so straightforward she is better off not meeting you anywhere ever at all.

lap90 · 05/08/2021 16:53

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Also is English not her first language? “We would meet in a coffee shop” doesn’t sound like the way a first language speaker would put it.

But I think she’s just not comfortable going to the house of someone she doesn’t know. She’s also probably waiting for you to speak to your DH - as you suggested- and let her know when you can come out and meet her.

This is the first thing I wondered (re english not being her first language).

Anyway OP, i do think you're overreacting and being rather petty.

Haffiana · 05/08/2021 16:55

I think OP has unfollowed this thread...

ShinyBeans · 05/08/2021 16:56

I'm completely flummoxed by what the issue is, so I'm going to be nice and take a guess that this is a cultural thing that I'm not familiar with. You're offended that she doesn't seem to want to come to your home. Is she from the same culture as you?

I would try to not look for offence. There seem to be some crossed wires, which is common when communicating by text message, but also very common if there are cultural differences. Perhaps there are also differences in your age and stage of life, so you're both approaching this from a different view point.

Ultimately, actions speak louder than words and she HAS come back to you and try to arrange meeting up. Focus on that and assume the best of everything else. You'll probably find it all gets cleared up when you see each other and you'll find yourselves laughing about the misunderstandings.

Bloodypunkrockers · 05/08/2021 17:04

Very intense OP

YABVU for the use of "hubby"

I'd be glad if you blocked me

EatWellStayFitDieAnyway · 05/08/2021 17:09

Are we sure that coffe isn't something entirely different to coffee?

Anyway OP she's probably waiting for you to suggest dates as you told her you would.

Or if you want you could come with your hubby one day so the guys can meet as well, for us it’s just easier that way with the baby So are you inviting her and her husband so "the guys" can meet or because it's "easier" with the baby? As you made out like you wanted the husbands to meet but then said it would just be easier due to having a child.

Also, easier for who? Personally I would find being meeting someone in a coffee shop would be much easier when trying to get to know them rather than all of you being at home. As the baby would be present so rather than getting to know her you'd be focussing on the baby. So really it would be easier for your husband to not have to look after his own child whist you are out

Maybe she's thinking you'll be one of those people who is always talking about being a parent? Or one of those couples who are joined at the hip whereas her and her husband are independent and have their own personalities.

Maybe she's wondering why you're desperate to get her to your house as you keep suggesting it and shes uncomfortable? I certainly would be!

Whatever it is you sound very intense and very immature with the social media stuff.

Please ask her to unfollow you and report back!

HermioneKipper · 05/08/2021 17:10

Erm you sound very intense. If I was her I would be taking a hard swerve

sloutside · 05/08/2021 17:13

Ridiculous drama and nonsense about absolutely nothing.
She's not a girl. She's a woman.
It sounds like English might not be her first language.
She asked you what day would suit you and you haven't actually replied to that yet. You went off on a tangent about meeting at your place etc. She's probably waiting for you to suggest which day your husband can babysit look after his own child.

olidora63 · 05/08/2021 17:18

You could be an ex friend of mine after reading the tone of your post. Being easily offended is so exhausting for yourself and other people..just chill and not assume the worst in people.

username34512875 · 05/08/2021 17:20

YOU sound like the difficult friend, not her. This post is so weird
And most normal people would assume the “would” meant “could” ...

username34512875 · 05/08/2021 17:22

She would also have dodged an absolute bullet if you blocked her!

Waspsarearseholes · 05/08/2021 17:26

Bloody hell. It's all about you, isn't it, OP? You seem baffled that this lady isn't falling over herself to get to know wonderful you and come to your house because that's what you want and it's easier for you. She owes you absolutely nothing. You come across as hideously lacking in self awareness and appear to assume that anybody should jump at the chance to go to your house for a 'coffe'. She's probably clocked what a giant pain in the arse you are and is avoiding your house at all costs so she doesn't feel obliged to invite you to hers in return.
She is not some poor lost lamb who needs to be saved by you. If she's managed to find a husband I'm sure she's a perfectly lovely person who will have no problem making friends who don't make such ridiculous demands or have such highly-strung expectations of her. Block her all you like. My guess is she'd breathe a huge sigh of relief that she doesn't ever have to see you again.

Isthisitforever · 05/08/2021 17:29

When I’ve met new Mums/people, we’ve always met in a public place initially, I would be awkward going to someone’s house that I didn’t know too well. I don’t think she’s being rude, I think your reaction to this is quite extreme though, you don’t need to block someone because she suggested she wanted to meet at a coffee shop, as opposed to your house, the non-contact may be because you made her feel uncomfortable by continuing with the suggestion that you come to her house when she already made it clear she wanted to meet at a coffee shop and maybe she doesn’t know how to respond.

NailsNeedDoing · 05/08/2021 17:31

Surely it would have been rude of her to suggest meeting at your house on a different day? I’d probably have suggested the same in this woman’s position because it would have felt more polite to offer to get you a nice coffee out somewhere than say you had to have her at your house on a different day.

It could easily not have occurred to her that it’s less effort for you to be at home with a baby if she hasn’t had children yet, and she’d have to be psychic to know that covid was the reason you didn’t want to go out. That would not be a normal consideration for anyone I’d be likely to have coffee with anymore.

snowdropsandcrocuses · 05/08/2021 17:31

Op posts to ask if she's BU
Everyone tells her she absolutely is
OP ignores the thread of stupid mnetters as she cannot accept she is totally overreacting

I love mn

LizzieW1969 · 05/08/2021 17:33

She suggested meeting in a coffee shop, and you think she was rude?? It was a totally normal suggestion! I agree with PPs that it sounds like you’re the difficult one here.

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