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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For wanting to block this girl?

165 replies

Cupcakejamlover · 05/08/2021 14:40

So this girl recently moved to London from very far away since she married a family acquaintance (in law’s family). Her husband is around my husbands age and they know each other, but aren’t close friends. Not for a particular reason, but it just never happened. Hubby and I went with my in laws to congratulate the couple for their wedding and welcome her in London, and meet her & get to know her. We took each other’s instagram by the end of the night so we can stay in touch. (I initiated this). A few weeks later i messaged her, told her if she was free to come over for a coffe (thinking it would be nice to build a friendship, especially for her since she barely knows anyone here.) she then answered “i would love to but i can’t this weekend, are you free next week? We would meet at a coffe shop.” Initially i didnt think much of it and said yes, but later on I kind of felt like it was very rude of her that I invited her to my house, for her to not ask but demand “we would meet at a coffe shop”. So when she asked me what day suits me, I told her i’d have to check with my husband when he’s free since he would have to babysit (have a young baby and am not comfortable taking him with me to coffe shops during covid and after that i wrote “Or if you want you could come with your hubby one day so the guys can meet as well, for us it’s just easier that way with the baby” and after that i got ignored, its been days with no answer!!
Is it just me or is this very rude? Anyways i’m now thinking of unfollowing her and make her unfollow me on instagram and leave it there, seems like she will be a difficult friend right? Am I overreacting or do you think i’m right?

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 05/08/2021 15:18

Wine she’s waiting for you to suggest dates like you said you would?

If you feel like that is such a big snub, you should back off. You seem very easily offended.

Also your offer of coffee was vague. It kinda sounded like it was at your house but wasn’t clear so she probably thought you meant out or said that as to not sound like she was inviting herself over.

lurker69 · 05/08/2021 15:19

i think you're putting way to much thought into this. its just coffee with somebody you hardly know. i don't think she is the one being weird here, you're the one wanting to block someone on social media because they haven't messaged you back in what you consider to be a timely manner!

VainAbigail · 05/08/2021 15:19

COFFEE

☕️

Holly60 · 05/08/2021 15:19

@iamdashi

This sounds crazy. How intense. I don't think she's been rude at all. Maybe she wrote 'would' instead of 'could' - that's the only thing I can think of that was a bit odd in her text?
This. I read it and my immediate thought was ‘could’ autocorrected to ‘would’. She meant ‘we COULD meet at a coffee shop’. Which I suggest to people aaaalllll the time. Bluntly, it’s nicer. Nicer coffee, nicer cake, and no one is hosting

You are being veeeerrry unreasonable and hard work. That is possibly why youve not had a reply…

MiddleClassProblem · 05/08/2021 15:20

Also if you are suddenly inviting your husband then you need to be clear you mean at your house because of the baby. You’re not a clear communicator at all.

Ughmaybenot · 05/08/2021 15:22

Give me strength, talk about looking for reasons to be offended 🤦🏼‍♀️

Comedycook · 05/08/2021 15:22

Suggesting a coffee shop isn't rude. She probably thinks it's really strange that you won't take your baby with you.

Suzi888 · 05/08/2021 15:23

@iamdashi

This sounds crazy. How intense. I don't think she's been rude at all. Maybe she wrote 'would' instead of 'could' - that's the only thing I can think of that was a bit odd in her text?
^ I thought the same.
VodselForDinner · 05/08/2021 15:24

YABU for calling a grown woman a girl, and for referring to a man caring for his own child as babysitting.

Based on these two things, I don’t think you’re someone I would want to be friends with, and maybe she feels the same way?

WillowGrand · 05/08/2021 15:25

I like that you might “ask her to unfollow you”.

You sound a nightmare tbh and she clearly has a good batshit crazy radar

Starjammer · 05/08/2021 15:25

seems like she will be a difficult friend right?

Not sure it's her who would be the difficult friend!

QforCucumber · 05/08/2021 15:28

My closest long term friends, when arranging to meet up - still suggest going out instead of to each others houses, its a nice treat? Noting personal.

AryaStarkWolf · 05/08/2021 15:28

Sorry OP, have to agree with the others here, you are the one who sounds like you'd be a difficult friend

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/08/2021 15:28

I live such a dull life. It’s wonderful Grin

You should try it some time. Looking for conflict and offence must be tiring.

MintLampShade · 05/08/2021 15:31

You invite her on a particular day, she is busy.
She writes back offering alternatives.
You then reply setting out challenges and conditions of meeting, preferences etc.
You complicated this and still not actually gave her a date for her to reply to...not really sure what your issue is tbf...

Datsandcogs · 05/08/2021 15:31

Don’t fret about it. Leave her to make contact. She probably felt presumptuous about assuming she could rearrange the time but invite herself over.

Rabbitheadlights · 05/08/2021 15:33

Hmm In her position I think I'd be blocking you.

ChicChaos · 05/08/2021 15:34

I think you are overreacting, but you seem convinced you are right so I don't think you are going to get what you want from this thread, OP.

sillysmiles · 05/08/2021 15:35

If you have a small child and I was trying to get to know someone new I wouldn't want to go to their house either - you can't talk while a child dragging out of you.
Not saying that's her reasoning, but the coffee shop suggestion sounds perfect - not sure why you are taking it so personally.
Also, maybe she's trying to develop her own friends network so does want the husbands there?

The really question is why are you being difficult to an alternative suggestion?

Nicolastuffedone · 05/08/2021 15:37

Well, firstly she hasn’t demanded anything. Secondly, the two men aren’t really friends so it might be a bit awkward or perhaps her husband wants to keep it that way. Is this a cultural thing OP, where you are invited to someone’s house and they wish to entertain and show you great hospitality (then take great offence if they’re never asked back!) I only ask as I have experience of this. So much so, that people apologised that they hadn’t visited me yet…!! I didn’t really want them too, they were strangers to me!

Spidey66 · 05/08/2021 15:37

Well you "told her" to come to your house, which seems strange to me.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/08/2021 15:38

You’re being offended where likely none was meant.

BarefootHippieChick · 05/08/2021 15:39

Is this written by a 12 year old? Because it sounds like the exact kind of Instagram drama they have.

VickyEadieofThigh · 05/08/2021 15:39

Meeting for coffee in a coffee shop is much more what I would do than going to the house of someone I barely know.

Fiddliestofsticks · 05/08/2021 15:42

She doesn't want to come to your house. Stop trying to make her.

She was happy to meet outside of homes, where she maybe feels more comfortable. Doesn't need to worry about spilling in your house, or having to sit for hours while someone goes on about their kids or whatever. She wanted to mean in a location where its pay for coffee, sit for an hour and leave. Very easy and a nice introductory meeting with someone you're just getting to know.

She didnt come to you asking for a friend. You've asked her. She has said she'll meet you somewhere neutral for a coffee and a chat. You can see if you click and where it goes from that point.

Stop trying to get her to come to your house. Also, first you asked just her and now you're asking for her and her husband. Maybe she feels it's a bit pushy. Maybe you're the rude one here.