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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For wanting to block this girl?

165 replies

Cupcakejamlover · 05/08/2021 14:40

So this girl recently moved to London from very far away since she married a family acquaintance (in law’s family). Her husband is around my husbands age and they know each other, but aren’t close friends. Not for a particular reason, but it just never happened. Hubby and I went with my in laws to congratulate the couple for their wedding and welcome her in London, and meet her & get to know her. We took each other’s instagram by the end of the night so we can stay in touch. (I initiated this). A few weeks later i messaged her, told her if she was free to come over for a coffe (thinking it would be nice to build a friendship, especially for her since she barely knows anyone here.) she then answered “i would love to but i can’t this weekend, are you free next week? We would meet at a coffe shop.” Initially i didnt think much of it and said yes, but later on I kind of felt like it was very rude of her that I invited her to my house, for her to not ask but demand “we would meet at a coffe shop”. So when she asked me what day suits me, I told her i’d have to check with my husband when he’s free since he would have to babysit (have a young baby and am not comfortable taking him with me to coffe shops during covid and after that i wrote “Or if you want you could come with your hubby one day so the guys can meet as well, for us it’s just easier that way with the baby” and after that i got ignored, its been days with no answer!!
Is it just me or is this very rude? Anyways i’m now thinking of unfollowing her and make her unfollow me on instagram and leave it there, seems like she will be a difficult friend right? Am I overreacting or do you think i’m right?

OP posts:
HeckyPeck · 05/08/2021 15:42

We would meet at a coffe shop.” Initially i didnt think much of it and said yes, but later on I kind of felt like it was very rude of her that I invited her to my house, for her to not ask but demand “we would meet at a coffe shop”. So when she asked me what day suits me, I told her i’d have to check with my husband when he’s free since he would have to babysit (have a young baby and am not comfortable taking him with me to coffe shops during covid and after that i wrote “Or if you want you could come with your hubby one day so the guys can meet as well, for us it’s just easier that way with the baby” and after that i got ignored, its been days with no answer!!

I agree with others that would is a typo for could. We would meet at a coffee shop isn't a sentence people use they would say we must or have to etc.

Also she's probably waiting for you to check with your husband and let her know what day you are free and could be thinking you're the one ignoring her!

AnnaSW1 · 05/08/2021 15:43

You sound like hard work to be honest.

Notimeforaname · 05/08/2021 15:44

Too many suggestions.

Bit intense.
I'd probably ignore you too fir a bit after a back and forth like that.

AryaStarkWolf · 05/08/2021 15:44

Also you seem to be of the opinion that this women should be falling all over you because you're "helping her" maybe she has more friends than you think or has no worries about making friends

Hopdathelf · 05/08/2021 15:44

Do you normally create so much drama out of nothing?

GiveMeAUserName123 · 05/08/2021 15:47
  • could, it’s just spell checker changing it.

Why would someone want to change from a lovely casual meet-up at a coffee shop to going to someone’s house with her husband.

No thanks, coffee shop and without the partner constantly at my side, thanks.

Wheresmrpenguin · 05/08/2021 15:48

Maybe she just wants to go somewhere in London and explore the area?
Blocking after this is insane.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 05/08/2021 15:48

We would meet at a coffee shop is such an odd sentence that I really agree with pp that it's most likely a typo for could.

I think you should unfollow her tbh because you seem quite (I'm trying to think of the right word) sensitive? over thinking? and it's probably not worth it for either of you.

1forAll74 · 05/08/2021 15:49

It's a bit of an over reaction, just leave her be, She probably does not like this instagram stuff either.

TSSDNCOP · 05/08/2021 15:49

If she's just moved she likely wants to get out of the house and experience some local places.

worldandsky · 05/08/2021 15:49

Why have you spelt coffee wrong 🙈

I don't think she's being U, she just doesn't fancy meeting at your house, maybe after getting to know you well she might like to, but at the moment feels more comfortable meeting outdoors. Also could it be she might have to invite you to her house one day if she accepts your invitation.
It is a little rude ignoring you, but I can see where she's coming from, the plan is for you both to meet up and now your changing it to her coming to yours again after agreeing to the coffee shop and wanting her husband to come too. I don't like when people change plans so many times, it's annoying, I know it's difficult meeting with A baby and having to arrange someone to look after baby, but where she's not a proper friend yet, I wouldn't have mentioned that, I would've just said I'll get back to you on which day will suit me best. I then would liaise with dh, figure out a date and let her know.

adeleh · 05/08/2021 15:50

She hasn't done anything wrong. She sounds nice, I think.

SeekingMeTime · 05/08/2021 15:50

Her reply was absolutely fine! Maybe she wants to meet in a coffee shop so you can both choose when to leave without any awkwardness.

She’s waiting for you to suggest a date, you had said you need to check when your OH could babysit so it’s down to you to message her.

judgejudyrocks · 05/08/2021 15:51

It's all very immature. I would think you were batshit if you did that.

Notimeforaname · 05/08/2021 15:51

If someone invites me for coffee ,I say no but suggest a more convenient date/place, I wouldnt expect the person to come back and explain the reasons why its inconvenient for them and suggest more people join to change the meeting.

It's all a bit much.

At that point I would have just said a light hearted ''Dont worry about it, let's try again in a couple of weeks when we may be less busy/have more free time''

QuimReaper · 05/08/2021 15:52

It was nice of you to reach out a hand of friendship under the circumstances, but you sound incredibly intense and quite barking mad!

worldandsky · 05/08/2021 15:53

Lol op reading updates from you, you sound like your focusing too much on this and expecting too much from her, you remind me of someone I've gone LC with for this very reason, she would want me to give answers that she would like and be pleased with.
She's newly married, probably is meeting lots of new people everyday, looking for a job, forgotten to mssg you back

nancydroo · 05/08/2021 15:54

It sounds like it's become a bit of an effort for you quite early on, so perhaps just let it lie. Too much thinking has gone into it for it to have a positive outcome now I reckon

Notimeforaname · 05/08/2021 15:55

Oh also..the blocking thing, makes you sound crazy and instantly I can tell how intense you are.
Just recently lost a 20+ year friendship over the same type of behaviour. Extremely unnecessary.

Summersun2020 · 05/08/2021 15:56

Yabu and weird. She’s had a lucky escape by the sound of it!!

WhatMattersMost · 05/08/2021 15:57

I think the way you see yourself is quite different from the way that most others see you, OP, and therein lies the problem. Her response seems completely reasonable; your response does not. (I'm a bit Hmm at your describing her as a "girl" too.)

Perhaps she didn't warm to you, and she's being polite.

Standrewsschool · 05/08/2021 15:58

It was nice of you to invite her and make her feel welcome.

She wasn’t rude at all. Maybe she feels going to your home is a level of intimacy she hasn’t achieved with you yet, and would rather meet at a neutral venue such as a coffee shop. Or maybe as it was a different date, she didn’t want to put you out.

HyacynthBucket · 05/08/2021 15:58

You sound a right piece of work, and hard work OP. Why do you expect her to reply on the instant? She may be waiting to hear from you about when your DH can babysit. And did it occur to you that "would" could have been a typing error when she meant "could". You sound demanding and unreasonable and over-intense. You could just chill a little before accusing someone of being rude.

JustLyra · 05/08/2021 16:00

I told her i’d have to check with my husband when he’s free

She's quite probably waiting on you doing that...

Would is certainly a type/autocorrect from could.

brokenbiscuitsx · 05/08/2021 16:01

@LegoCaltrops

If she's married, she's a woman. Girl = female human child.

Is English her first language? Maybe would was a typo for could? Maybe she's CEV or a member of her family is, & she'd rather meet up outside?

If she’s 18 she’s a woman regardless of whether she’s married or not.

Anyway, sorry I’m afraid I can’t see what’s she’s done wrong here OP.

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