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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For wanting to block this girl?

165 replies

Cupcakejamlover · 05/08/2021 14:40

So this girl recently moved to London from very far away since she married a family acquaintance (in law’s family). Her husband is around my husbands age and they know each other, but aren’t close friends. Not for a particular reason, but it just never happened. Hubby and I went with my in laws to congratulate the couple for their wedding and welcome her in London, and meet her & get to know her. We took each other’s instagram by the end of the night so we can stay in touch. (I initiated this). A few weeks later i messaged her, told her if she was free to come over for a coffe (thinking it would be nice to build a friendship, especially for her since she barely knows anyone here.) she then answered “i would love to but i can’t this weekend, are you free next week? We would meet at a coffe shop.” Initially i didnt think much of it and said yes, but later on I kind of felt like it was very rude of her that I invited her to my house, for her to not ask but demand “we would meet at a coffe shop”. So when she asked me what day suits me, I told her i’d have to check with my husband when he’s free since he would have to babysit (have a young baby and am not comfortable taking him with me to coffe shops during covid and after that i wrote “Or if you want you could come with your hubby one day so the guys can meet as well, for us it’s just easier that way with the baby” and after that i got ignored, its been days with no answer!!
Is it just me or is this very rude? Anyways i’m now thinking of unfollowing her and make her unfollow me on instagram and leave it there, seems like she will be a difficult friend right? Am I overreacting or do you think i’m right?

OP posts:
QueenBee52 · 05/08/2021 16:01

@Twinkie01

God you're overthinking this.

thank god you said this...

I thought it was it me that thought this 🤣

4togonow · 05/08/2021 16:02

I was waiting to see what she had done which was so awful.

liveforsummer · 05/08/2021 16:06

I don't think it's a typo I assume English isn't her first language? In which case other languages are often more direct and use will or would often instead of can or could. It's just a translation thing. I don't think she's unreasonable at all. Maybe she's not comfortable and would prefer to meet on neutral ground. There's no reason you couldn't take the baby and sit outside somewhere, or as you said your husband could 'babysit'. She maybe decided it's too much trouble

crabbingbucket · 05/08/2021 16:06

You don't know her DH well, could it be he doesn't like her going to people's houses alone? Weird I know but people are weird and I have known that to be a thing.

Also, if she's new to london she probably finds going to a coffee shop exciting. Wanting to get out and see things.

I think you're really over thinking this. If your aim is to make a friend and to help her settle in to a new city then be flexible and do whatever makes her feel most comfortable

smalalalalalala · 05/08/2021 16:08

I did this before, mostly because I didn't want to invite myself to someone else's house.
Your offer to go to your place was for that time. She countered with a coffee place because it was a different time.

I think you you are difficult.

AngryWhompingWillow · 05/08/2021 16:11

@Cupcakejamlover YABVVVU. As has been said, YOU sound the difficult and demanding one, not her.

I don't like going to peoples houses either and HATE people coming to mine. I MUCH prefer meeting in a neutral place. (Unless it's close family or one of my 2 best friends who I have known since I was at school...)

Doesn't sound like you and her would be suited as friends tbh.

AngryWhompingWillow · 05/08/2021 16:13

I see the 'she is over 18 she is not a GIRL' crew are out. Wink

SO. Tedious. Hmm

RampantIvy · 05/08/2021 16:16

Erm, do you have any pets?

kindaclassy · 05/08/2021 16:18

It's just you Confused

half of MN would be outraged if a near-stranger (or even a family member) was inviting themselves to their house..

can't win.

kindaclassy · 05/08/2021 16:19

For normal human beings: coffee shop is a neutral ground, no faff, no imposition on anyone having to run around to make their house "visitor ready" like half the posters on MN..

I am amazed that someone managed to be offended by it!

ChittyChittyBangBangChicken · 05/08/2021 16:22

Seems like an over-reaction, but maybe the two of you just aren't compatible as friends. She may have thought she was doing you a favour by suggesting a coffee shop, since she was changing the date of the meet-up. Or maybe she just didn't want to go to your house. Either way, not that big of a deal, surely.

It's not off to a good start, but maybe just stop thinking about it and see if/when she gets back to you rather than jumping straight to blocking her. If you don't want to meet up with her after all this, just don't. Make some excuse, be "busy", etc., but there's no need for it to be dramatic.

Penistoe · 05/08/2021 16:25

You sound like a nightmare, do her a favour and block her. I’m sure she can make some normal friends herself.

liveforsummer · 05/08/2021 16:26

Also you have actually put forward and invitation or a date either for the coffee shop that you'd check with your husband about nor the meeting at yours. Maybe she's waiting for that? How do you think you are going to make her unfollow you?

TheOrigRights · 05/08/2021 16:26

Is it just me or is this very rude?

It's just you.

StrawberryShortcakeAndTea · 05/08/2021 16:28

We would meet at a coffee shop doesn’t really make sense.

Surely would was just autocorrected for could.

We could meet at a coffee shop makes much more sense.

You are definitely over thinking it though.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 05/08/2021 16:28

I would have taken it that because she had said the initial day was unsuitable, that she didn't want to assume she could change the day and still come to your house. Tbh I think you're the one being a bit weird about it.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 05/08/2021 16:29

Shes probably waiting for you to get back to her with a day your "hubby" can "babysit" his own child.
On another note, have you really not taken your child anywhere?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 05/08/2021 16:31

If she's married, she's a woman. Girl = female human child.

I'm not married and I'm most definitely a woman I'm over 18 and have a vagina.

mylovelydd · 05/08/2021 16:31

YABVU by writing 'coffe' when it's 'coffee'.

dun1urkin · 05/08/2021 16:32

Who voted YANBU??? Was it by accident Grin

cabingirl · 05/08/2021 16:32

You are definitely overreacting and overthinking it.

namechangeat11pm · 05/08/2021 16:35

I wouldn't find this offensive, I would find it a bit awkward to just go to someone's home who I didn't know very well, and would prefer to meet on neutral ground a few times first. Also, is her first language not English? I've had a couple of European friends use would/could interchangeably. I mean this kindly but I think YABU and a bit oversensitive.

stellaisabella · 05/08/2021 16:36

She doesn't want to go to your house - she barely knows you! I wouldn't want to either. You're being the difficult one

Chewbecca · 05/08/2021 16:36

It sounds like a classic miscommunication by text, people not getting their intended message and tone across and recipients reading things in where they are not intended.

YABU though in your suggested response to block etc.

Bluntness100 · 05/08/2021 16:39

Wow. Do you always treat people this way op? You’re being really horrible. She didn’t demand you go to a coffee shop and how was she to know you didn’t take your kid to them, everything has opened up, it was a totally normal request

What an extreme reaction to someone making a totally normal suggestion,

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