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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a bit annoying at EVERY meal?

339 replies

mockingbirdi · 04/08/2021 18:08

A good friend of mine has invited a new friend into our friendship group. There was originally about 4/5 of us going for lunch or dinner whenever so now there's 5/6. Absolutely fine

Except this friend of hers is nice enough but insists on eating chicken nuggets and chips! At every place we go

She was invited out with us to an Italian on Saturday. She has posted in the grouch at that she won't come as 'There isn't anything on the menu for me 😔'

So now, my friend that was originally her friend before she came into the group is saying we should change where we eat! So no Italian because they don't actually sell chicken nuggets and chips. And no Chinese that we like, or Japanese, as again nothing she wants there

AIBU to think this is ridiculous now?

OP posts:
ToffeeNotCoffee · 04/08/2021 22:11

It's about 'safe' food. For many that is something plain and bland like chicken and chips ( not for me as I can't eat chicken)

So.....just chips then ?

MotionActivatedDog · 04/08/2021 22:13

@wanttomarryamillionaire

Picky eaters are one of my pet hates, they really get on my tits.
Nah. They wouldn’t like your tits Wink
TheDevils · 04/08/2021 22:16

@ToffeeNotCoffee

It's about 'safe' food. For many that is something plain and bland like chicken and chips ( not for me as I can't eat chicken)

So.....just chips then ?

At one point in my life - yes. I've worked very hard to expand my safe list but there are still restaurants where chips will be all I can eat.

I hate it, I wish it was different and I'm paying a fucking fortune in therapy but It's not easy.
I have an eating disorder which manifests itself as a phobia of food.

BarbaraofSeville · 04/08/2021 22:17

@FreshFancyFrogglette

Looks like I'm in the minority, I'm not much of a foodie, so just automatically thought what's the big deal? Why does it matter if you go to weatherspoons or an Italian? As long as you are together as a group surely that's main thing? Can see I'm in the minority, never occurred to me that it would matter what was on the menu. But then again I never go out really, so not the best person to ask.
Of course it matters what's on the menu.

You say yourself, you're not a foodie, but if you are a foodie, eating somewhere like wetherspoons or the kind of place that sells chicken nuggets is a big deal because you've missed out on the opportunity to eat something you see as a treat, or try something new.

MotionActivatedDog · 04/08/2021 22:21

@TheDevils don’t take it personally- people are very ignorant about the various forms eating disorders can take. I was a “fussy” child and was mocked and berated and had a horrible time of it as a child. I still have issues now but I eat a lot better. As an adult I found out that my dad who was born into a massive, and poor family was a “fussy” eater as a child. Despite being beaten and force fed and if you met my grandfather you would understand that saying “I can’t eat it” just was not an option and yet, my dad couldn’t eat what they had for dinner. He just couldn’t. His mum, bless her, managed to let him (my grandfather ruled her with an iron fist too) have potatoes for most of his meals, and guess what I now have a child who is “fussy” and is being assessed for ASD. Highly likely my dad is on the spectrum and possibly me too. None of us chose to be “fussy”- in fact it made our lives extremely unpleasant.

ToffeeNotCoffee · 04/08/2021 22:21

there are still restaurants where chips will be all I can eat.

How did you get away with it for so long ?

MotionActivatedDog · 04/08/2021 22:23

@ToffeeNotCoffee

there are still restaurants where chips will be all I can eat.

How did you get away with it for so long ?

That comes across as very goody. Did you mean it to?
MotionActivatedDog · 04/08/2021 22:24

*goady

MintyGreenDream · 04/08/2021 22:28

Sounds like she's regressing back to her childhood for some reason or is an attention seeking fucker.

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 22:29

@ToffeeNotCoffee

there are still restaurants where chips will be all I can eat.

How did you get away with it for so long ?

Do you mean that to sound so rude?

How did I get away with what for so long?

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 22:33

[quote MotionActivatedDog]@TheDevils don’t take it personally- people are very ignorant about the various forms eating disorders can take. I was a “fussy” child and was mocked and berated and had a horrible time of it as a child. I still have issues now but I eat a lot better. As an adult I found out that my dad who was born into a massive, and poor family was a “fussy” eater as a child. Despite being beaten and force fed and if you met my grandfather you would understand that saying “I can’t eat it” just was not an option and yet, my dad couldn’t eat what they had for dinner. He just couldn’t. His mum, bless her, managed to let him (my grandfather ruled her with an iron fist too) have potatoes for most of his meals, and guess what I now have a child who is “fussy” and is being assessed for ASD. Highly likely my dad is on the spectrum and possibly me too. None of us chose to be “fussy”- in fact it made our lives extremely unpleasant.[/quote]
Exactly. We don't choose to be this way!
ARFID is common in people with ASD.

The 'can't eat it' really resonates with me. I genuinely can't eat certain things. I've lost count the amount of times I've been asked 'would you eat x for a million pounds....' the answer is always no, I really can't.

It's been very helpful to start therapy and it is helping. It's a very slow process though!

worldandsky · 04/08/2021 22:33

Oh god that's an awful meal for a grown adult. I can see why your annoyed. You could ask the new friend on the group perhaps she tries something other than chicken nugget and chips?
Alternatively speak to your other friend and say it's unfair how you no longer can enjoy other meals together as new girl only eats chicken nugget and chips, why she can't possibly eat anything else is just ridiculous

SaltySheepdog · 04/08/2021 22:36

Tell her you were looking forward to a nice Italian meal and suggest she come for pudding

MotionActivatedDog · 04/08/2021 22:37

It's been very helpful to start therapy and it is helping. It's a very slow process though!

Good luck with it. Don’t put pressure on yourself though. You eat for you not anyone else. I’ve made my peace with my relationship with food. I’ve stopped trying to “fix” it. I’m a lot happier.

SaltySheepdog · 04/08/2021 22:38

Italian meals are pretty standard and nothing exotic, strange it’s so difficult for her to find something she likes

ToffeeNotCoffee · 04/08/2021 22:39

It reminds me of a bloke complaining in Sainsburys, much aggrieved that he could only order chips with a meal in the cafe. There was no way to order just chips on their own. (Pre covid) 'I'm a vegetarian, I can't eat the other stuff'

Jeez. 'The other stuff' was everything that wasn't chips as far as he was concerned.

Valeriekat · 04/08/2021 22:40

The point is not about eating disorders etc it is about someone choosing to join a group that eat out and enjoy a varied menu.
It is like joining a tennis club and then demanding that they only play badminton!

Spacehairdresserandthecowboy · 04/08/2021 22:41

Ffs she can have a chicken Milanese and chips. Feel your pain I have a friend like this.

ToffeeNotCoffee · 04/08/2021 22:41

The Devils

Are you happy with your weight ? Are your food choices just how you control your weight ?

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 22:42

@MotionActivatedDog

It's been very helpful to start therapy and it is helping. It's a very slow process though!

Good luck with it. Don’t put pressure on yourself though. You eat for you not anyone else. I’ve made my peace with my relationship with food. I’ve stopped trying to “fix” it. I’m a lot happier.

Thank you. I just want to get to a stage where a social gathering or a work event involving food doesn't cause sleepless nights!!
MotionActivatedDog · 04/08/2021 22:42

@Valeriekat

The point is not about eating disorders etc it is about someone choosing to join a group that eat out and enjoy a varied menu. It is like joining a tennis club and then demanding that they only play badminton!
This
Clydesider · 04/08/2021 22:43

I wish people would stop with the 'picky eaters' crap. This person might be suffering with some kind of disorder that limits her diet.

But having said that, as someone who also has a limited diet, I wouldn't expect a group to change just for me. However, when I've tried to make my excuses, people always make a fuss and I get embarrassed or upset. Why did people just not accept my word!

Please don't assume it's always awkwardness.

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 22:46

@ToffeeNotCoffee

The Devils

Are you happy with your weight ? Are your food choices just how you control your weight ?

ARFID has absolutely nothing to do with weight. I'm not restricting my intake of food to control my weight. It's a phobia of eating foods my brain has decided are 'unsafe'. I'm having therapy to change this way of thinking.

FWIW ....I'm a size 10 and average weight for my height.

nocturnalcatfreetogoodhome · 04/08/2021 22:47

If she only eats chicken nuggets that’s her business she’s a grown woman.

Yet if she refuses to allow a group to go to a restaurant then that’s her making it your issue. Why can’t she just have tea before she goes and get a portion of chips herself?

Eating disorders/disordered eating is debilitating and I wouldn’t wish it on my worse enemy but I don’t know anyone with an eating disorder who would draw attention to it and refuse to eat somewhere. Sounds like she’s just picky.

ToffeeNotCoffee · 04/08/2021 22:49

I'm a size 10

Thought so.