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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a bit annoying at EVERY meal?

339 replies

mockingbirdi · 04/08/2021 18:08

A good friend of mine has invited a new friend into our friendship group. There was originally about 4/5 of us going for lunch or dinner whenever so now there's 5/6. Absolutely fine

Except this friend of hers is nice enough but insists on eating chicken nuggets and chips! At every place we go

She was invited out with us to an Italian on Saturday. She has posted in the grouch at that she won't come as 'There isn't anything on the menu for me 😔'

So now, my friend that was originally her friend before she came into the group is saying we should change where we eat! So no Italian because they don't actually sell chicken nuggets and chips. And no Chinese that we like, or Japanese, as again nothing she wants there

AIBU to think this is ridiculous now?

OP posts:
Taliskerskye · 04/08/2021 21:18

@TheDevils
Look! You can’t take it personally. If she’s got Arfid she needs to tell at least one close friend in the group so it can be managed. But it doesn’t seem like this.
What you’re going through sounds very different and not comparable.

But there are fussy adult eaters out there, that’s a fact.

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 21:20

@Taliskerskye

What did people in medieval times without chicken and chips.

Wonder what their choice of food was if they were difficult eaters!

I'll ignore the fact you're mocking an actual eating disorder.....

It's about 'safe' food. For many that is something plain and bland like chicken and chips ( not for me as I can't eat chicken). It differs between individuals but plain, beige food is often chosen as a safe because it feels less risky and there's not much taste.

TheCupboardOfChaos · 04/08/2021 21:21

PMSL @Taliskerskye (nice username, btw).

Taliskerskye · 04/08/2021 21:24

@TheDevils
I’m genuinely not mocking your eating disorder. I’m sorry if you think I am.
I’m joking about someone who eats a type of food, but any type of desert and cocktails. Any desert and cocktails doesn’t sound safe to me.
But none of us know this person. And if I had a friend like you, I would do my upmost to accommodate you and make you feel part of the group.

Shellfishblastard · 04/08/2021 21:25

YANBU!!

Don’t change all of your plans for this one person that you barely know!

Plus if I was as fussy I would just go along and have chips and a drink. I wouldn’t expect people to change plans for me. Most places sell chips - chinese, Italians…maybe not Japanese but on the whole most restaurants will sell fries.

I find it so bizarre that someone would have so little self awareness and expect people to eat where she likes constantly

Cherrysoup · 04/08/2021 21:27

V interested to see if the others back up the OP or cave to the frankly outrageous demands of the one woman. I think she’s being extremely unfair to the others, limiting where they can go. She can just have dessert/drinks/chips. Most places do those.

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 21:28

[quote Taliskerskye]@TheDevils
Look! You can’t take it personally. If she’s got Arfid she needs to tell at least one close friend in the group so it can be managed. But it doesn’t seem like this.
What you’re going through sounds very different and not comparable.

But there are fussy adult eaters out there, that’s a fact.[/quote]
I know that but people don't bother to try and understand how difficult this can be. They just brand it 'toddler behaviour'. I'm just asking people to show a little compassion.

She might be picky through choice ( like my friend who wanted to emulate me when we were children) or she may genuinely have issues with food. It's not easy to tell people about it so you can't make assumptions.

It's just very frustrating to see the judgemental comments and the constant comparisons to behaving like a child. If someone was bulimic or anorexic you wouldn't tell them they were behaving like a toddler. ARFID is a recognised eating disorder but it's just not widely recognised.

Compassion- that's all I'm asking for.

MichelleScarn · 04/08/2021 21:30

@TheDevils please don't feel people are mocking you or others with eating disorders. Posters are clearly stating 'picky eaters' so people who are choosing to be difficult not those who have a diagnosed disorder.

Taliskerskye · 04/08/2021 21:32

@TheDevils
Yes I can imagine it’s very difficult becuase I often think people piggy back certain disorders, coeliac for example is an good point where people just think they’re a fussy eater because of other folk who say they are allergic but aren’t.
That’s why I say don’t take it personally, because I’m sure everyone who gets annoyed with fussy eaters wouldn’t get annoyed with a friend with a genuinely ED

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 21:33

I’m joking about someone who eats a type of food, but any type of desert and cocktails. Any desert and cocktails doesn’t sound safe to me.

You've just described me. I will eat most sweet things and drink almost anything ( except milk or coffee).... but I have a list of about 20 non sweet foods I will eat. This is growing ( used to be around 8) as I'm having therapy.
What is 'safe' is very individual. If we went to an Italian restaurant you wouldn't even know I have issues as I will now eat pizza ( as of about a year ago) but take me to to a Thai, Indian or Chinese restaurant then you'd see me eat chips and maybe plain rice.

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 21:37

That’s why I say don’t take it personally, because I’m sure everyone who gets annoyed with fussy eaters wouldn’t get annoyed with a friend with a genuinely ED

But what I'm saying is you just don't know. Only my husband and best friend know I've been diagnosed with ARFID. I only knew it existed around a year ago. To everyone else I'm just one of those annoying picky eaters .... they don't see the anxiety it causes or the panic at having to eat at an unfamiliar restaurant.

However, I have never let it impact on my friends and family. I would ever dictate which restaurant we went to, is just suffer in silence.

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 21:39

[quote MichelleScarn]@TheDevils please don't feel people are mocking you or others with eating disorders. Posters are clearly stating 'picky eaters' so people who are choosing to be difficult not those who have a diagnosed disorder.[/quote]
But how do you know? Most people think I'm just an annoying picky eater. They don't know I've been diagnosed with an eating disorder. It's not like I wear a badge.
People with ARFID don't want to draw attention to the issue.

Raxer26A · 04/08/2021 21:43

TheDevils
Can I ask what it is that makes it hard to eat certain foods , texture , smell ? Have it always been the same around food ?

EmoIsntDead · 04/08/2021 21:45

@mockingbirdi has anyone replied in the group chat?

DroopyClematis · 04/08/2021 21:46

@TheDevils
Like I said, what would they eat if chicken nuggets and chips did not exist?

Given that chicken nuggets only existed in recent years, what would people with an eating disorder eat before they were invented?

There have been many studies over recent years suggesting that high fat foods are highly addictive and that once the taste is acquired , no other food will do.

Interesting that a need to eat chicken nuggets only exists in a decadent western society.

Yes it's a safe food , but given their moderately recent introduction into our food society , is it not a bit strange?
Why isn't mackerel , plentiful in British waters for hundreds of years and readily available, addictive and safe?

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 21:48

@Raxer26A

TheDevils Can I ask what it is that makes it hard to eat certain foods , texture , smell ? Have it always been the same around food ?
It's a combination- texture, smell and taste. I'm a super taster so can pick out more tastes than most people. I can tell if someone has used a different oil for example. It's a genuine phobia and I get very stressed at the thought of trying new food. If I could get away with it I'd just carry on eating what I like but it makes social and work situations difficult

I've always been like this but as an adult I worked really hard to introduce new foods. It takes a whole though. I'll start with one bite ( and hopefully not throw up!) then progress to more bites until I'm used to it and can add it to my safe list. I had a set back while pregnant but I'm getting back to my pre pregnancy food list.

I started hypnotherapy recently which helps.

Turkishangora · 04/08/2021 21:51

YANBU, I have x 2 friends who only ever order steak and chips in restaurants. So often we go to pubs, I'm vegetarian so the up with mushroom Wellington or some such awfulness because they won't do Indian/middle Eastern/Italian/Vietnamese etc as they always want steak and chips. Even when we went to the ivy they had steak and chips, they also eat red meat most days at home. One of them and her DH both have high BP and the husband has gout, in their 40s.

I don't have picky kids round for tea anymore either, they come after/before a meal instead. Too much of a headache trying to feed them.

PandemicAtTheDisco · 04/08/2021 21:53

I was in a group of 5-6 women who would eat out about once a month together - it was great. We had a new member who wanted to change everything to suit her. She wanted to eat earlier, near to her house or bus route only and nothing too foreign, spicy, garlicky, fishy or too noisy.

I was really annoyed everyone let her take control and ruined it. I was the first to quit but it tailed off very soon afterwards.

Onthebrink87 · 04/08/2021 21:54

I have ARFID also, I have never once tried to dictate where family or friends eat, I skip out altogether or if I can I eat before and just have a few drinks and enjoy the company!

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 21:55

[quote DroopyClematis]@TheDevils
Like I said, what would they eat if chicken nuggets and chips did not exist?

Given that chicken nuggets only existed in recent years, what would people with an eating disorder eat before they were invented?

There have been many studies over recent years suggesting that high fat foods are highly addictive and that once the taste is acquired , no other food will do.

Interesting that a need to eat chicken nuggets only exists in a decadent western society.

Yes it's a safe food , but given their moderately recent introduction into our food society , is it not a bit strange?
Why isn't mackerel , plentiful in British waters for hundreds of years and readily available, addictive and safe?

[/quote]
But you're confusing two different issues here.
One is around the type of food which can become addictive but that's not related to the eating disorder I've been diagnosed with.

Also, I don't know what happened in medieval times so your guess is as good as mine.

I've not met everyone with ARFID so maybe Mackerel is someone's safe food 🤷🏼‍♀️

ARFID tends to start when someone is quite young so they may have quite a limited diet - as people point out 'toddler food'. Those types of food often become safe foods because we've had prior experience eating them and we know it's safe.

Taliskerskye · 04/08/2021 21:57

@TheDevils
You should have become a perfumer ! It’s a highly sought after skill having a highly tuned sense of taste/smell

rosalie11 · 04/08/2021 21:57

So annoying

Slayduggee · 04/08/2021 21:58

If everyone decides to change the restaurant to accommodate chicken nugget lady I would decline the invite. If anyone asks why tell them that you do not want to eat there. This will keep happening until someone puts their foot down and refuses to go to a chicken nugget place

TheDevils · 04/08/2021 21:59

[quote Taliskerskye]@TheDevils
You should have become a perfumer ! It’s a highly sought after skill having a highly tuned sense of taste/smell[/quote]
My husband says that!! I drive him mad with my heightened sense of smell!! 😂

ToffeeNotCoffee · 04/08/2021 22:09

Start asking her if she has her chicki nug nugs everytime you see her

This^

Adults with infantile eating habits/food choices are cheeky fuckers who just EXPECT to be pandered to. It's part of their brattishness.