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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to Feel judged about size of son!

261 replies

Angliski · 04/08/2021 15:26

Ftm here. Conceived after five years of struggle, my gorgeous dS is 18 months old. Thing is he is very tall and strong. Off the charts of red book. He looks about 3- weighs 17kg nearly 90cm tall. He’s not fat, he has a six pack almost and likes lifting bricks. He has all his teeth and is just a big and advanced boy for his age.

Thing is, he was conceived by egg and sperm donation so he isn’t genetically linked to either of us. People always comment on how astonishingly big he is for a 1.5yr old, then they ask if DH is/was big. Don’t know how to reply to this. Will never know what his donors looked like as kids.

I feel so ashamed because I couldn’t use our own genetic material and I don’t know how to answer.

We are in Italy atm and today someone walked past and said he was ‘brutto’ which means ugly.he is actually a very handsome child who looks like a surfer but he is a weirdly big toddler. I was so upset. Also I am fat and very ashamed of it and think people think he is fat like me and/or doesn’t look like me ( he isn’t my colouring).

Aibu to get upset? Any advice?

OP posts:
drpet49 · 04/08/2021 19:18

* Your kid is morbidly obese OP. While it is obviously extremely rude of people to call him ugly you need to get some medical help here urgently.*

^This.

Goldenbear · 04/08/2021 19:33

Why are people offended by posters describing their teenagers as tall? Genuine question? Posters are not suggesting it is an achievement, they are perhaps offering an explanation to what his height and weight might lead to as young adults. It comes across like you have huge chips on your shoulders about height- bizarre.

Goldenbear · 04/08/2021 19:35

I don't really understand the problem with describing your toddler as having a six pack. My tiny DD as a baby had a flat, tense stomach not a round baby belly, she was constantly moving and wiggling and I think we may have joked how she looked like she had done sit ups- so what?

whatthejiggeries · 04/08/2021 19:38

My DS could lift a car at his age so I would say he needs to do more weights

Oneborneverydecade · 04/08/2021 19:51

@bananafish

Well, I used my own genetic material and had the most oddly sized, big and tall baby, you could imagine.

You’re fine - just need to grow a thicker skin. It gets better as you get used to the comments and brush them off.

Said baby is now a 14 yr old, 6’4, athlete, on the cusp of being signed to his club. Shake it off and ignore those who can’t understand differences.

This. My 14yo DS was always off the chart for height and weight. He's now 6ft 6 and his potential in his sport has been recognised by England coaches.

I do feel for you OP it must be a difficult situation. But honestly, ignore ignore ignore and come up with a simple deflection

AngelsWithSilverWings · 04/08/2021 20:06

There seem to be a lot of posters who are getting very touchy about us parents of tall children coming onto a thread about issues with having a tall child to share our experience of having tall children.

TheVolturi · 04/08/2021 20:11

Lego bricks?

Xmassprout · 04/08/2021 20:21

I think this is getting to you because of your own insecurities.

Not being genetically linked is nothing to be ashamed of. I don't know how it feels, but it certainly isn't something to be ashamed of.

The fact you mention your size as well, I think you're letting your insecurities cloud your judgement. You need a standard reply when people ask questions.

I do know it's not nice when people make comments about your children's size. I have the opposite problem. My youngest is really small. I have people tell me in amazement how advanced she is for being so young, and I usually explain she's not actually that young. Sometimes I just go along with and pretend like she's just a child prodigy in the making Grin

Millionnewnames · 04/08/2021 20:29

My son is definitely our genetic material. We are dark. He’s ginger. He’s ridiculously heavy and tall for his age ( think well off the charts and wearing shoes and clothes that are average for a child 3-4 years older. So he’s a bit of a freak really. But he’s fit as a fiddle and strikingly handsome in his own way. But he doesn’t match the rest of us and he does get looks and comments when we are out. I’ve learned to find it amusing. I think that’s probably the best approach for you. Enjoy your giant boy and have a little giggle if people gawp.

Winemewhynot · 04/08/2021 20:55

@CounsellorTroi

I wish people would stop talking about being over 6ft tall as though it is some sort of achievement.
What a strange comment. Are you vertically challenged?
Original poster
Angliski · 04/08/2021 21:06

Just so you know I am not lying.

Aibu to Feel judged about size of son!
OP posts:
Lokdok · 04/08/2021 21:09

Carrying bricks is what he’s into!? Seriously take them off him and put them somewhere else! It will break his foot if he drops that.

ShinyGreenElephant · 04/08/2021 21:11

That brick picture is alarming, aren't you scared he will drop one on his foot? Or am I overly anxious? Makes me feel really uncomfortable. Weight wise he looks fine and people just feel the need to comment on babies - my dd3 is a little chunk and people always say that but I dont take it personally, shes perfect so I assume they mean it as a compliment.

TheAwfuITruth · 04/08/2021 21:11

He's gorgeous, but he needs to be wearing steel toecaps if he's gonna be swinging bricks around. Eek

Hellocatshome · 04/08/2021 21:12

He looks like a normal chubby toddler in that photo OP. Please don't let him carry bricks in bare feet!

Original poster
Angliski · 04/08/2021 21:12

@Millionnewnames thank you so much for this. He is absolutely gorgeous and massive and a mini Jeff capes and I could not love him more. But he has been off chart for height and weight since seven months, before that solidly 50 th Centile.

OP posts:
Original poster
Angliski · 04/08/2021 21:13

I am not keen on the bricks this was a very unusual moment before it got taken off him. Of course I worry!

OP posts:
FilthyforFirth · 04/08/2021 21:14

Good lord you cannot let him have bricks (well, at all really) without any shoes on. Utter madness.

Original poster
Angliski · 04/08/2021 21:14

@whatthejiggeries 😂

OP posts:
Taliskerskye · 04/08/2021 21:14

Oh cute! Looks fine to me.

Winemewhynot · 04/08/2021 21:16

Oh my god if you insist on letting him carry bricks round at least put some shoes on the kid!

Taliskerskye · 04/08/2021 21:20

Bloody hell, it’s clear the op doesn’t regularly let her kid work on a building site without shoes for 12 hours p/d
She said the brick was taken ASAP.

Goldenbear · 04/08/2021 21:28

He looks lovely, definitely looks like a toddler. The movements etc. How would anyone think he is more than 2, a very young 2.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 04/08/2021 21:33

He is gorgeous!!

Preech · 04/08/2021 21:37

He looks like a sweet baby to me, OP. And not what I'd call morbidly obese either. Hmm

My two DDs are very tall for their age and it is commented on all. the. Time. 🙄 "You're only 4?! You look 5! And you're only 7?! Wow, I was sure you were 10."

Would be less of an eye roll on my part except that I'm 5'9" and 94kg, and my DH is 6'4". So... what do these people expect?

I like the inventing a Great Uncle Sven idea. TBH, if the girls were in the short side, we'd be pointing to my mom (5'2") and his dad (5'7"). And probably still getting "are you sure you're feeding them properly?" 😝