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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Half sibling

325 replies

Linnieloulou · 04/08/2021 11:05

I recently told my son he was only a half brother to his dad’s new child after he came home from a visit telling me about his new brother. I explained to him that as his step mother is not his mum, it makes him a half brother. My ex is now upset that I didn’t involve him in this decision as he feels I should of discussed it with him first and agreed together how he refers to his sibling. He’s 9 years old so I feel he will work out for himself he is only half brother eventually so why not make it clear now. Have I been unreasonable?

OP posts:
badacorn · 04/08/2021 13:17

In my family the term half sibling isn’t offensive.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 04/08/2021 13:17

Well it is his half brother and I don't see why the offence at factual information. It doesn't mean he needs to love his brother any less, but it is in fact, his half brother.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 04/08/2021 13:18

All your DS needs to know (and already does know!) is that you’re Mum, his dad is Dad and the new baby is his brother. I really don’t think children think only having the exact same parents makes children siblings. One of their parents is the same so that’s enough to be brothers. He knows his brother’s mum is not his mum so there’s no need to get defensive.

godmum56 · 04/08/2021 13:19

@badacorn

In my family the term half sibling isn’t offensive.
no but add in "only" and I think it becomes offensive?
namechange30455 · 04/08/2021 13:21

Are you jealous that your ex has had another baby by any chance? How would you feel if it was you that had a new baby and your ex started making snidey comments about how it was "only a half sibling" to your DS?

Your DS came home excited about his new sibling and you shit all over his excitement. I'd be really upset you feel the need to do that if I was your ex, or indeed your DS. He knows his DB has a different mum - I don't know why you think that needs to be made clear!

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 04/08/2021 13:22

If someone refers to mine as half brothers I immediately correct them and say brothers. Family is about love not percentages of genetics. If your DS wants to refer to him as his brother then let him.

Maggiesfarm · 04/08/2021 13:22

I agree godmum. The next step is to say, "He's not your real brother".

However the op may be a bit touchy about it. I understand that but we really have to keep our own issues away from our children as far as possible.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 04/08/2021 13:22

So the wee fella has had to cope with his parents separating, living in two separate households and then the arrival of a new baby who also only lives with him sometimes. And people are splitting hairs over his birth mum using the correct terminology.

We don't know yet what kind of situation this mum is in; it may be that the dad is difficult with seeing his son, difficult with money, the new wife my be an OW. It may be that she's spitting feathers over a disney dad who she knows will play happy families with his new son.

Yeah, the use of "only" a half brother was ill-advised, but hardly criminal. Some posters are piling on here.

StrawBeretMoose · 04/08/2021 13:23

@Choice4567

I mean it does come across that you were trying to tell him his new brother is ‘only’ a half brother. He was excited to meet his new brother; why try to stop that?
This ^^ Sounds like you were trying to rain on his parade. Does it really matter? People on here talk about their in-laws when they are not actually married.
Sunshinedaisymeadowsxx · 04/08/2021 13:25

It’s mean… and most likely as adults your DS will have a closer relationship with his brother than he does with you.
I’ll never forget my DSS mums ex partner referring to my DS as ‘just a half brother’, out of spite. He was a huge douche bag, and thankfully DSS mum realised that too.

Op they are brothers whether you like it or not

happymummy12345 · 04/08/2021 13:25

My mum has 3 children, we each have a different dad. I am the eldest. Biologically or technically I have 1 half brother and 1 half sister. My mums son technically has 2 half sisters. My mums daughter technically has 1 half brother and 1 half sister.

However, no one has ever dared refer to any of us as 'half' siblings. They are NOT my 'half' brother and sister they are my brother and sister. End of! I find the need to include half extremely rude and unnecessary. I understand that it is different for everyone, but there was certainly no need to be so rude and say "only a half sibling". There is NO only in my opinion. Half siblings are not a thing from my personal perspective. I have previously and always will correct anyone who tried to suggest my brother and sister are anything but my brother and sister.

Megan2018 · 04/08/2021 13:26

It might be true, but there's a time and a place. You were just being a bitch.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 04/08/2021 13:27

...and if I were the mum, I'd be telling the dad: "You want to call them brothers, you treat them exactly the same then. You can demonstrate this brotherhood by bringing my son on every family holiday and occasion, spending the same on him at Christmas, toys, activities and spending the same amount on his university.

username34512875 · 04/08/2021 13:27

Yabu and sound bitter. As he gets older of course he’ll understand that he is his half brother but why you felt the need to add a negative spin on the fact your ex’s new partner has had a baby is beyond me.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 04/08/2021 13:27

@CinnamonJellyBeans

So the wee fella has had to cope with his parents separating, living in two separate households and then the arrival of a new baby who also only lives with him sometimes. And people are splitting hairs over his birth mum using the correct terminology.

We don't know yet what kind of situation this mum is in; it may be that the dad is difficult with seeing his son, difficult with money, the new wife my be an OW. It may be that she's spitting feathers over a disney dad who she knows will play happy families with his new son.

Yeah, the use of "only" a half brother was ill-advised, but hardly criminal. Some posters are piling on here.

none of that matters - its her child she should give a shit about and how HE feels, no matter how shit his dad is or whether his step mum was the OW.

Their behaviour should have no impact on how OP treats her child, if shes pissed with them that isnt a good enough reason to rain on her own childs parade just to prove a point.

my ds has a half brother, but they are just brothers, yes they know they have different mums but they are still siblings.

Same for me and my sibling, weve different dads and we both know and understand that but nobody felt the need to inform us we were "only half siblings" to try and lessen the relationship.

Lets face it op, i assume if you go on to have another child you wont be making a point to your child that their new baby sibling is ONLY their half sibling, will you? Of course you wont.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 04/08/2021 13:28

@CinnamonJellyBeans

...and if I were the mum, I'd be telling the dad: "You want to call them brothers, you treat them exactly the same then. You can demonstrate this brotherhood by bringing my son on every family holiday and occasion, spending the same on him at Christmas, toys, activities and spending the same amount on his university.
what a bizarre assumption that he wont considering they are BOTH his children.
rwalker · 04/08/2021 13:29

What a horrible thing to do .

and they wonder why kids end up screwed up

stellaisabella · 04/08/2021 13:31

Yeah that was really shitty. I'm sure you wouldn't have said that if you'd had a new baby. You clearly got the reaction you were looking for so I'm not sure why you're posting.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 04/08/2021 13:31

@CinnamonJellyBeans

...and if I were the mum, I'd be telling the dad: "You want to call them brothers, you treat them exactly the same then. You can demonstrate this brotherhood by bringing my son on every family holiday and occasion, spending the same on him at Christmas, toys, activities and spending the same amount on his university.
Exactly.
AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 04/08/2021 13:32

It comes across as spiteful.

MustBeThin · 04/08/2021 13:35

I have 5 younger brothers and sisters, I don't have the same dad as them. I've never once in my life referred to them as half anything. They are my brothers and sisters. I can't imagine introducing them to anyone and saying "this is my half brother dave" *not real name, nor can I imagine my mum when she was pregnant saying "you're going to have a baby brother or sister BUT they will ONLY be your HALF brother/sister" very weird.

We are all aware we don't have the same dad, it makes no difference whatsoever. I'm sure your son is aware that the baby won't have the same mum, no need to piss on his chips when he's excited.

Wannakisstheteacher · 04/08/2021 13:36

So wrong. There was just no need to ruin his excitement and comes across as OP being so petty and cruel. I guarantee that she wouldn’t want it pointing out that they were half siblings if they were both her children.

CinnamonJellyBeans · 04/08/2021 13:37

Bizarre assumption? This forum is full of mothers of abandoned/ignored/impoverished children whose dads lavish care and money on their new kids and forget about their old family.

We don't know that this is the case here (as I said above) but it MAY be the case.

Any woman in that situation may find it very difficult to be diplomatic.

datepanic · 04/08/2021 13:38

I think there's a time and a place and that wasn't it.
It was completely unnecessary to correct him at that moment when he was excited about his new brother. Why couldn't you just have let it go?
He knows that his brother doesn't have the same Mum as him.

MangoBiscuit · 04/08/2021 13:38

Why did you feel the need to tell him OP?