Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is right here?

512 replies

bakinbiscuits · 02/08/2021 10:42

I don't want to give away who I am in this situation so trying to be neutral.

Katie and John split up 2 years ago. 3 children who live primarily with Katie. John has regular contact, every other weekend and a Wednesday evening. Contact isn't set it stone so sometimes he has them more if work/plans allow. John has a girlfriend, Sarah, who he's been with for a year.

Katie's boiler has broken and John is a Plummer. Katie asked John if he would come fix the boiler as there is no hot water. John initially said yes but then changed his mind and he and sarah both think it's Katie's responsibility to fix the boiler herself as it is her house. John and sarah are happy to support by allowing the kids to bathe at their house until Katie gets the boiler fixed.

Should John help and fix the boiler or should Katie be getting another Plummer in to fix it.

OP posts:
Margerine78 · 03/08/2021 17:35

John should want to fix the boiler for the sake of his kids. No argument. Although if he's that much of a dick and listens to his new girlfriend over his kid's need, than I wouldn't blame Katie for thinking sod it and getting a plumber in so she's self-sufficient.

Prinzy13 · 03/08/2021 17:40

I get that he has a business as a plumber, he’s there dad he already isn’t doing enough by only seeing them weekends and Wednesdays it really is the least he can do, it’s the home of his children ffs. Sick of it being normalised that men having their children weekends is anywhere near enough

Marmitemarinaded · 03/08/2021 17:43

@Prinzy13

I get that he has a business as a plumber, he’s there dad he already isn’t doing enough by only seeing them weekends and Wednesdays it really is the least he can do, it’s the home of his children ffs. Sick of it being normalised that men having their children weekends is anywhere near enough
You’re presuming this isn’t what the mother wants

My ex has the children every other weekend

And my god - any more and I’d be bereft.

marmaladehound · 03/08/2021 17:44

It's where his kids live so the right thing to do would be fix the boiler for his kids sake.

senoritarita · 03/08/2021 17:47

John sounds like a controlling twat

So his children and mother of his children need help and he has the skills, means and ability to help but chooses not to

daisydaisy7 · 03/08/2021 17:54

None of Sarah's business. John should fix the boiler. He has the skills and means to not leave his children without hot water.
Ridiculous he didn't go round as soon as he could. No need to even consult Sarah.
Also, this is obviously Katie or Sarah as John would know how to spell plumber.

CambsAlways · 03/08/2021 17:54

I actually think John should fix the boiler it’s where his children live for gods sake, Sarah should stay out of it, it’s not her business, it’s not like Katie is interested in john, I think John is being a bit of a idiot putting his girlfriend before his children’s welfare, there is no hot water!

CambsAlways · 03/08/2021 17:57

If he originally said yes to fixing the boiler then changed his mind, is this because Sarah is finding it hard that John is in the house along with his ex and their children while fixing the boiler if so all very childish

Ddot · 03/08/2021 17:59

Just get a plumber, not worth the bloody hassle. Things will only get worse

Psychonabike · 03/08/2021 18:11

What @Kalvinette said right at the beginning:

Of course John should fix the boiler in the home where his children live.

It would be a real shame if Sarah changed an arrangement that has been working well.

ChargingBuck · 03/08/2021 18:12

John and sarah are happy to support by allowing the kids to bathe at their house until Katie gets the boiler fixed.

Whoop de fuckin' doo, ain't John a saint.

John is capable, at no cost to himself bar time, of fixing HIS CHILDRENS' BOILER FFS. He needs to take his ego out of the equation, forget that the boiler technically belongs to his ex, & sort the situation out as he would if the kids were living with him for the majority of the time.

Sarah can fuck the fuck off too. It's precisely none of her business.

HollowTalk · 03/08/2021 18:12

Of course he should fix the boiler! And if I were Sarah and living with a man who wouldn't fix his own children's boiler then I'd dump him immediately.

Hugoslavia · 03/08/2021 18:13

He sounds like an absolute arse! Why wouldn't he just pop by and fix it when his kids live there.

Bugbabe1970 · 03/08/2021 18:13

John should absolutely fix the boiler in his children's home

ChargingBuck · 03/08/2021 18:15

@AllosaurusMum

I think it's fine for John (or Sarah) to have a boundary about expecting him to be her on call plumber, especially if she wasn't planning to pay him. I expect you'll get most comments saying he's wrong because he's a man not doing what a woman wants. But if it was Katie with a skill that John needed it would be clear that it's fine to say no, you don't owe him free labor, and he can hire someone to do it for him.
If Katie had a skill that would help her children out of a fix, & those children lived with John for the vast majority of the time, Katie would be a total nob not to offer her services.

It's got fuck-all to do with the sex of either party.

MollyMinniesMum · 03/08/2021 18:15

Hello Sarah 🤣

Whu020 · 03/08/2021 18:16

Katie needs to learn how to spell so maybe get a teacher and a plumber!

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHaands · 03/08/2021 18:17

@Kalvinette

I dont see why Sarah's opinion is even coming into this.

Of course John should fix the boiler in the home where his children live.

This
Mumontour85 · 03/08/2021 18:20

The kids can bathe at theirs until it is sorted??!! Nah... that's outrageous. Blurring lines by fixing the boiler for the house your kids live in - and more than that - for a friend (assuming as it all sounds amicable), just should not be a question.
Honestly, Sarah sounds like she's either a massive cow, or just incredibly insecure in her relationship... either way, her opinion should be muted when it comes to the relationship between the ex couple and their children and how they decide to handle things.

Hertsgirl10 · 03/08/2021 18:21

Should the kids not have heating while the boiler isn’t working?

Obviously he should fix the boiler 💆🏼‍♀️

Sarah you are being unreasonable.

AliceMcK · 03/08/2021 18:22

He is 100% dancing to the tune of Sarah especially if you have both got on and worked together out in the past before she came along.

Maybe your happy to accept it right now but I would definitely bring it up once this is settled, ask him what the new boundaries are now given his new gfs input into what you have always thought as a mutual and beneficial arrangement between you both. I’d ask if there is going to be difficulties going forward so you can adjust your boundaries accordingly.

Hertsgirl10 · 03/08/2021 18:24

I can’t believe anyone would say he shouldn’t fix the boiler, honestly that’s so messed up, what kind of people would leave their own kids without heat or hot water or their mum for that matter.

What is the issue with him fixing it? Anyone that thinks he shouldn’t?

This is a strange way of life to teach your own kids. Hurts nobody to be nice and help people that need it.

Abraxan · 03/08/2021 18:25

Sarah's view is fairly irrelevant.

As John's children live there and should have access to hot water at home it would be kind of him to offer to fix it. As his children are disadvantaged by this he ought to help, if he is able. This could also be by directing Katie to another reputable plumber if he can't do the work himself.

Katie shouldn't expect John to do the work for free. They should be prepared to offer the going rate. Whilst it would be nice if John could offer 'mates rates' this shouldn't be expected.

Hugoslavia · 03/08/2021 18:25

Going forward I would ask him for recommendations of who could do it. If he recommends someone he knows, they will also find out what an arse he is. Alternatively look up some shonky company with poor reviews and tell him that you are considering them because they are cheap. See if that kicks him into action. I do agree that it is his new GF's decision though.

ExpatAl · 03/08/2021 18:25

His children live there. Don’t know why you’re even asking. He should also have equal ‘contact’.

Swipe left for the next trending thread