Skinny office feeder

[Weallloveted]

I can't work out whether I am being unreasonable over this. I have always struggled with my weight but have generally kept it reasonably close to normal BMI (but always at the top end). A couple of years ago, it crept up by about 3 stone and I was obese. I have lost that since but it's a battle to keep it under control and I really struggle with food cravings but I accept that this is my lot in life and if being a reasonably healthy weight means being careful my whole life then so be it. I don't foist it onto anyone else.

My issue is with a woman I work with. She is what most would call skinny. Maybe not medically underweight but very close to it. Probably around a size 6 or 8 or so. She is a self-declared 'cake addict' and claims that no work meeting can be complete without cake. She will bring in proper big iced cakes that she has made and will share it round at meetings and will comment if someone refuses and say something like 'life's too short not to treat yourself' and it will get really awkward. The thing is that I am not one of those people who can have just one slice. If I eat a huge piece of carrot cake in the meeting, it then sends me spiralling. I have to avoid sugary treats altogether. Maybe she has amazing willpower or a super-fast metabolism but I gain weight so easily and binge eating is a real struggle. I have considered lying and saying I have been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes but I'm not sure anyone would believe it as I am not really overweight.

I just find this sort of thing so difficult. Why do people feel the right to have a say over what others put in their mouths? And why is it a personal insult to her if I refuse? Part of it is also that I don't feel 'thin enough' to refuse, as in my body looks like someone who doesn't strictly control food, but I have to. I haven't spoken to anyone else at work about it.

AIBU? Oh and the reason I mentioned her size is that I don't think she has ever had a weight problem so she can't understand how much of a struggle it is for those of us that do.

A litany, and yet you can't name one?

The whole thread is littered with 'unkind' suggestions and snide casual insults, just a casual scroll through the last half dozen pages or so has these gems:

No thank you, but you can have my portion you skinny b1tch

Every time say, 'Not for me but I'll take home a slice for the dog'. She'll soon stop offering.

She sounds like someone with serious food issues herself.

Sounds like she has food issues. She sees food as a way of caring or something.

No thanks, I've decided to cut out crap from my diet.

She's likely struggling with her own eating disorder, this is classic behaviour when they're starving themselves

she is a feeder and doing it deliberately

No, thank you. It doesn't look very appetising

Can I just add, that I personally wouldn't accept 'home-made' anything from colleagues, or randoms because frankly some people's hygiene standards are abysmal and there's just no knowing what someone's cooking habits are. There were a few of these types in my office but I could just imagine e.g. their cat laying on the kitchen worktops or something. I am always fascinated by people who just accept food from anyone.

It's a huge leap to decide that a slim person bringing cake in must be a feeder with an eating disorder.

It’s not just “bringing cake in” though is it? That would be fine if she left it somewhere and told people to help themselves. She’s taking it into meetings, insisting that everyone has a piece and commenting if they refuse.

@M4J4

Alright Mother Teresa. Toodle pips.

You just make yourself look a bit silly with posts like this.

Anyway, if you'd like to make any more digs in a 'last word' sort of way, over to you. Nobody cares. Have a lovely day.

I find the quarrel over one friendly suggestion quite fascinating. Clearly some people have had real problems.

Again, I still don't think it's worth the argument at work myself - everyone's different. I don't think that makes me or others like me "Mother Teresas". I just pick my work battles on other things I will kill the next person who eats crisps on a Teams call

Yep.

“A wise man picks his battles and chooses the hill on which he is willing to die.” Proverbs 20:3

Good advice in the office then and good advice now.

Just say no, start bringing a healthier meeting snack? When you want cake have some fruit or a veggie snack instead.

Does she eat the cake herself? I only ask because I know someone who loves to make everyone else amazing calorific food and posts these amazing treats and meals all over social media but I never see them eating stuff like this when I'm in their company. Infact I never see them eating atall. Found out they have an eating disorder.

@TheFoundations

You just make yourself look a bit silly with posts like this.

Anyway, if you'd like to make any more digs in a 'last word' sort of way, over to you. Nobody cares. Have a lovely day.

That's not very kind, is it? So predictable.

@milkyaqua

Yep.

“A wise man picks his battles and chooses the hill on which he is willing to die.” Proverbs 20:3

Good advice in the office then and good advice now.

This thread has well and truly jumped the shark but fictional Bible quotes are a new one for MN.

That's not Proverbs 20:3.

biblehub.com/proverbs/20-3.htm

Just say ‘nah I don’t have much of a sweet tooth… I’d rather keep my calories for wine 😝’…
I’m actually coeliac and so can never eat any bloody treats anyway but don’t make up any health conditions, you’ll look a bit deranged if they find out you’re lying in the future!

Oh, googled it. That's what google said when I tried to remember the wording of that old saying. I didn't read further, to see the source, which was this:

heartofashepherd.com/2014/02/20/proverbs-203-on-what-hill-are-you-willing-to-die/

Mea culpa! Maybe pop him a line, and google, and tell them they are wrong.

It's been a real fun day on MN. Guess you missed my little joke, there, too.

@morningteaisthebest

I just think in real life, with real office relationships, it's better to be tactful, diplomatic and kind where possible. It generally makes working life more pleasant.

I am also hugely sympathetic to anyone with eating disorders and insecurity. The "feeder" (and that sounds uncomfortably similar to referring to women as "breeders") is probably not a very happy person.

You're very welcome to feel differently of course, but there's no need to put me down for putting forward my approach, or to be so abrasive.

Apart from the obvious rhyme, WTF has "feeder" to do with "breeder"?

Two totally different concepts.

Anyway, turns out Paster Smith has a few good points to make.

I have learned that some people are caustic, cantankerous and troublesome by nature. They are a source of strife everywhere they go—at home, school and work. They are a trouble to themselves and everyone around them. Realizing some people prefer strife, peace is not always possible.

I think that's apt for this portion of this thread, also.

@milkyaqua

Mea culpa! Maybe pop him a line, and google, and tell them they are wrong.

Why should she? Email him yourself

Where's the proverb about entitled weirdos.

FFS. Heard of tongue in cheek? Seriously!

Did tongue in cheek become a synonym for passive aggressive?

@milkyaqua

Oh, googled it. That's what google said when I tried to remember the wording of that old saying. I didn't read further, to see the source, which was this:

heartofashepherd.com/2014/02/20/proverbs-203-on-what-hill-are-you-willing-to-die/

Mea culpa! Maybe pop him a line, and google, and tell them they are wrong.

It's been a real fun day on MN. Guess you missed my little joke, there, too.

Little jokes aside, the Bible is quite important to an awful lot of people and I'd appreciate if you didn't use it to score cheap points in a thread about cake because you're too lazy to read beyond the first hit on Google. Thank you so much.

I'm sure you can find someone else's neck to jump down.

It seems to be international irrational fanging day. God bless.

Little jokes aside, the Bible is quite important to an awful lot of people and I'd appreciate if you didn't use it to score cheap points in a thread about cake because you're too lazy to read beyond the first hit on Google. Thank you so much.

I wasn't using the Bible to score a cheap point. I made a mistake. I misread a line, when searching for the correct wording of that phrase.

“A wise man picks his battles and chooses the hill on which he is willing to die.” Proverbs 20:3 – “It is an honour [honorable] for a man to cease [put an end to; desist] from strife [quarrels; contentions]: but every fool will be meddling [quarrel; break out in strife] .”

Little jokes aside, the Bible is quite important to an awful lot of people and I'd appreciate if you didn't use it to score cheap points in a thread about cake because you're too lazy to read beyond the first hit on Google. Thank you so much.

@Zhampagne

Little jokes aside, the Bible is quite important to an awful lot of people

I don't know why you assume the Bible is something I have no knowledge of, or regard for, because I misattributed a quote.

Never explain or give a reason, it just opens up the conversation, more angles for her to continue to the conversation on cake and eating. Just a "no thank you" and when she asks again "no thank you, I don't fancy any right now". Just repeat until she's bored. If you hive her.no 'hook's she can't continue for very long

Matthew 5:9

"Blessed are the cakemakers, for they will be called feeders"

@DillonPanthersTexas

Matthew 5:9

"Blessed are the cakemakers, for they will be called feeders"

🤣

the Bible is quite important to an awful lot of people and I'd appreciate if you didn't use it to score cheap points

Isn't that what the Bible has been used for, for centuries? I mean it's not one book, it's a whole library of books, written over hundreds of years in very different cultural contexts. Everyone exploits it for their own purposes. It's pretty much like Google, you can find an argument for anything.