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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Planning my Funeral

144 replies

ancientgran · 01/08/2021 21:41

I want to get everything planned so my kids don't have to worry about it. I'm trying to decide on music, I know the hymns I want as they are from childhood but I wanted something else for the end of the service.

I've always loved Danny Boy so that's a contender but then again I thought maybe something a bit more uplifting so do you think Spirit in the Sky is too over the top?

OP posts:
Original poster
ancientgran · 01/08/2021 21:42

Sorry didn't think about voting. I suppose YABU would be if you think Danny Boy would be better, YANBU for Spirit in the Sky.

OP posts:
DinosaurDiana · 01/08/2021 21:44

Do either of those sings mean anything to you ?
Do you have a favourite group of song ?

Original poster
ancientgran · 01/08/2021 21:48

I'm not big on music to be honest. I've chosen two hymns I sang at school as a little girl as they do mean something. I've always loved Danny Boy but I think it is a bit of a tear jerker and I thought Spirit in the Sky might make them smile. I'd like to think of them smiling at the thought of their slightly batty mum but maybe Danny Boy would be more appropriate.

I suppose what puts me off a bit is slightly pretentious DIL who will have a cat's bum face about it.

OP posts:
FuzzyPuffling · 01/08/2021 21:48

I've chosen "spirit on the sky" but it has to be the Norman greenbaum version. If anyone plays Gareth gates I'm going to haunt them.

I'm also having Byrd's Ave Verum, "Be still my soul" to Finlandia and a bit of Tallis.

Cryalot2 · 01/08/2021 21:48

Am not familar with the 2nd one.
It is a great idea. Dh and I both have ours planned and we know folk who have pre paid theirs.
Choose your favourite regardless of how it seems .
It is useful to do this as have seen where families really had no idea of the deceased.

FuzzyPuffling · 01/08/2021 21:49

I sang "Danny Boy"at FIL's funeral ( MIL's request) .

travailtotravel · 01/08/2021 21:49

I'm having Dont Fear the Reaper and Who wants to live forever.

HollowTalk · 01/08/2021 21:50

I think it would be nice to think of your DIL with a cat's bum face, tbh!

Original poster
ancientgran · 01/08/2021 21:50

Mind you I won't have to see her cat's bum face but I know my other kids, not her partner, will be annoyed if she makes any remarks and I don't want to start WW3 from the grave.

OP posts:
Gemma2019 · 01/08/2021 21:50

I’ve never understood why people plan their own funerals right down to hymn choice. You’ll be dead so why does it matter to you? I’ve told my family they can do a direct cremation or donate my body to science or whatever they want as I don’t care.

Notaroadrunner · 01/08/2021 21:50

Spirit in the Sky would be nice and catchy. It would be a good song for when you are being carried out of the church/going behind the curtain, or whatever happens at the end of your planned service. All too often funerals have slow maudlin songs but a fast one will be more uplifting and might bring a smile to people's faces when they need it most. We had a lovely song at mums as she was being carried out of the church - nothing religious and nothing anyone would have probably played in that church before. You could have Danny Boy at another part of the service. Fair play to you for being so forward thinking and planning your funeral. I have told my family one song I want and where I want to be buried. After that I don't care Smile

HollowTalk · 01/08/2021 21:51

Are you ill, OP? Is this why you're thinking about it now?

Original poster
ancientgran · 01/08/2021 21:51

@FuzzyPuffling

I've chosen "spirit on the sky" but it has to be the Norman greenbaum version. If anyone plays Gareth gates I'm going to haunt them.

I'm also having Byrd's Ave Verum, "Be still my soul" to Finlandia and a bit of Tallis.

Good point, I hadn't thought of Gareth Gates. I must make that clear if I go with it.
OP posts:
JulesCobb · 01/08/2021 21:52

My brother’s dad had the theme tune from a sports tv programme. Have what you want. Spirit in the sky is a good choice.

Notaroadrunner · 01/08/2021 21:53

@Gemma2019

I’ve never understood why people plan their own funerals right down to hymn choice. You’ll be dead so why does it matter to you? I’ve told my family they can do a direct cremation or donate my body to science or whatever they want as I don’t care.
Have you ever organised a funeral, wondered what the deceased might have chosen to wear, what songs they may have liked, etc? It's not an easy task and it's not a case of thinking 'sure they're dead so it doesn't matter'. It very much does matter when you are in the thick of it and hoping you give them a send off they'd be proud of.
CornishTiger · 01/08/2021 21:54

@Gemma2019 having organised a funeral recently It would have been so helpful if my friends wishes were known.

RainRainRainAgain · 01/08/2021 21:56

I had my dads funeral a couple of months ago, and he chose his music, he had 2 VERY different choices for his exit piece, as you have. He went for the more 'gentle' piece in the end, as he thought that was better for the people who would attend the service. The exit music was what stuck with everyone and it was the right choice.

I think both your choices are lovely, but they are very very different. Danny Boy would be the equivalent of what we had for my dad, and would be lovely. But Spirit in the Sky could raise a smile, if that's what you want.

CornishTiger · 01/08/2021 21:56

Crem or Burial
Type of coffin.
Flowers
Funeral Hearst/cars
Songs
Reflection of life/eulogy. ( a timeline is very helpful to have for those writing it)

Palavah · 01/08/2021 21:56

I think it's a sensible and thoughtful thing to do.

It's good to end on something more upbeat IMO.

I suppose what puts me off a bit is slightly pretentious DIL who will have a cat's bum face about it. this would makr my mind up to have it. I'd enjoy pissing off someone pretentious from the other side.

Original poster
ancientgran · 01/08/2021 21:57

@HollowTalk

Are you ill, OP? Is this why you're thinking about it now?
I'm not great but nothing too serious I hope. I'm approaching my 3 score years and 10 so it just feels appropriate to sort it out.. My ex died a year ago and it worried them and I suggested a song he loved in the 60s and they went with that and a hymn he liked. The cat's bum face was on display and it upset them.
OP posts:
lobsterkiller · 01/08/2021 21:58

Nice that you're taking the pressure off family. Im having direct cremation as i dont like the thought of an actual funeral.

Original poster
ancientgran · 01/08/2021 21:59

@Palavah

I think it's a sensible and thoughtful thing to do.

It's good to end on something more upbeat IMO.

I suppose what puts me off a bit is slightly pretentious DIL who will have a cat's bum face about it. this would makr my mind up to have it. I'd enjoy pissing off someone pretentious from the other side.

I do feel like pissing her off would be fun but then I want to sort it to avoid any angst for them and if she plays up it will just upset them.
OP posts:
Slub · 01/08/2021 22:00

I just want one of them SIMPLE non funerals.
Carted away / incinerated/ delivered back in ashes state in a cardboard environment friendly container.
If the humans left living want to celebrate my passing that's up to them 🤷‍♂️

Original poster
ancientgran · 01/08/2021 22:00

@FuzzyPuffling

I sang "Danny Boy"at FIL's funeral ( MIL's request) .
Not a dry eye in the house?
OP posts:
ParkheadParadise · 01/08/2021 22:00

I like Danny Boy
You'll never walk alone is another one I've heard at funerals. We had it played at dd's it was played along with a video of pictures.
In the Catholic church, we could only have hymns.