Planning my Funeral

[ancientgran]

I want to get everything planned so my kids don't have to worry about it. I'm trying to decide on music, I know the hymns I want as they are from childhood but I wanted something else for the end of the service.

I've always loved Danny Boy so that's a contender but then again I thought maybe something a bit more uplifting so do you think Spirit in the Sky is too over the top?

The one thing I’m adamant about is as many flowers as people care to send - fuck family flowers only.

@ancientgra, you can only have Danny Boy if it's sung by, or at least in the style of, Moira Rose.

At my friend's dad's funeral which was a cremation as the coffin went behind the curtain
Hail Hail the Celts Are Here started playing. That is the ringtone on my phone for a second I thought my phone was ringing 🙈

Having a funeral plan (and not like those in TV adverts) will save who ever is looking after things a lot of angst.
Cheap as chips coffin, simple cremation, no flowers, def. no service, no messages in the paper. Those who need to know will be informed. Place nominated for disposal of ashes. Job done.

If you are Catholic, have you considered having someone sing 'I will raise you up on eagle's wings'? I've heard that sung by a soloist at a couple of family funerals now and it is beautiful.

[quote CornishTiger]@Gemma2019 having organised a funeral recently It would have been so helpful if my friends wishes were known.[/quote]
I’ve had to organise funerals for both my parents, my brother and my DD1, as well as helping to organise funerals for MIL and FIL. Funerals still aren’t important to me and it actually annoys me immensely when people turn up on the day with their faux grief, having never bothered with the person when they were alive. The time to honour people and send them flowers is while they are still alive. But that’s just my opinion and I can see it’s not a popular one.

@lobsterkiller

Nice that you're taking the pressure off family. Im having direct cremation as i dont like the thought of an actual funeral.

A family member rid this recently. His family found it quite distressing as they didn't know when it was going to happen or if he was still in the morge (died in hospital). Seems they just slot you in when they can?

Omg I have a full on playlist!

My kids know, and it's in my will

And I don't want just bits of the songs, I want the whole thing

I've got:

Dolly Parton - 9-5
Glen Campbell - witchita lineman
The Killers - all these things that I've done
Elvis - burning love (for when I go through the curtain)

All these songs make me smile, they will be songs that remind my loved ones of me

My mum wanted (and had) Months Python's "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" as we all walked out... everyone whistled as they left the crematorium 😄

My best friend chose ‘another one bites the dust’
I have promised DP he can have ‘carry on my wayward son’
I’m quite traditional and prefer hymns but will leave it up to DC to decide unless I find something that ‘speaks to me’ before

Agree that Norman Greenbaum has more soul than Doctor and the Medics' which was better than Gareth Gates'.

Other suggestions -

When will I see you again?

Working my way back to you?

@Lactarius sorry to hear that. I hope it goes as well as it could go. Life can be hard.

My funeral plan is the blackest of black for all attendees. Veils, hats, rending and sobbing whilst Air on G String is played as my coffin is prosessed along the aisle.

Cue many youngsters fighting for the pulpit to express my super marvellous affect on their life to the strains of Fleetwood Mac's Landslide.

Followed by me being popped back into the hearse whilst This Woman's Work by Kate Bush plays.

And then a graveside scene of much sadness whilst Barber's Adagio for Strings plays, and people throw themselves on my coffin.

BUT then POOF, pyrotechnics and Frankie Valli and The Night start playing, a mobile bar lights up and everyone has a drink, followed by Our Mutual Friend by The Divine Comedy.

Everyone has a good old piss-up and decides I was the best.

Fini.

I organised my DH funeral this year I picked :

Processional music : because you loved me by Celine Dion

Reflection music : I don’t want to miss a thing by Aerosmith

Recessional music : How long will I love you by Ellie Goulding

But I've since heard Dancing in the Sky and def want it at mine, the lyrics are amazing.

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=RDUR4T0av0o40&playnext=1

I like Eva Cassidy’s version of Songbird

Although it’s a tearjerker (to me) it also feels hopeful

Are you ill, OP? Is this why you're thinking about it now?

This is exactly the time to be thinking about it.

Just a note on using uplifting music at the end, my best friends mother planned her funeral in full including an upbeat pop song to play as people left. My friend told me that people at the funeral were pretty shocked by the choice and as it played it just felt “wrong”.

Had an uplifting catchy song for my mum at the end of the funeral and it felt exactly right. I’ve already chosen my last song and it is in a similar vein. If people are shocked by it they aren’t the people I want at my funeral.

I love the lyrics to "I Try" by Macy Gray for a funeral song ...

I try to say goodbye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

My friends mum had an acapella version of "Amazing Grace" at her funeral. It was perfect. I still remember it nearly 25 years later.

@ancientgran

I want to get everything planned so my kids don't have to worry about it. I'm trying to decide on music, I know the hymns I want as they are from childhood but I wanted something else for the end of the service.

I've always loved Danny Boy so that's a contender but then again I thought maybe something a bit more uplifting so do you think Spirit in the Sky is too over the top?

I love Spirit in the Sky. It's nice to have something positive. I was thinking Frank Sinatra at mine. My Way

Another thing that hadn't really occurred to me until I had to arrange a funeral last year. Of course, the natural desire is to save the most meaningful song for last of all, but depending on timings, it often works out that people don't get to hear much of the song, as the coffin is taken out as the music starts and then everybody follows it quickly.

I think it's a real shame, but I suppose it might seem awkward if everybody were to hear the song in full and then leave afterwards in silence. It may be worth bearing in mind and possibly better to choose a song that comes in with the 'theme' strongly right from the start or an instrumental with a recurring theme.

If you pick a song with a beautifully poignant fourth verse to be the lasting final musical memory of your loved one that stays on people's minds as they think of them, sadly, hardly anybody will hear it. It sounds counter-intuitive, but it might be better to have 'THE' big defining song as the second to last.

Had an uplifting catchy song for my mum at the end of the funeral and it felt exactly right. I’ve already chosen my last song and it is in a similar vein. If people are shocked by it they aren’t the people I want at my funeral.

Yes, I think this is really one of those occasions when it's what the deceased person chose/would have wanted and not up to others to say that they feel the song style is 'wrong'. In fact, I think this is very unkind to say this to the family, even if it's what you're thinking.

Like with all the baby name threads, where the protesting grandparents have already had their opportunity to name their children and now it's somebody else's choice, I'd respectfully say that they can choose what they want for their own funeral, but that was what the person whom this funeral was to remember chose for themselves/would have wanted.

Some people at funerals probably do get really upset, even traumatised, when their loved one chose a jokey/lighthearted song about burning in fire/being eaten by worms or whatever. I can imagine that some could be triggered for years afterwards whenever the song comes on the radio. I'm not personally convinced that it's a wise choice, but it isn't up to me what somebody else wants for their funeral.

@Gemma2019

I’ve never understood why people plan their own funerals right down to hymn choice. You’ll be dead so why does it matter to you? I’ve told my family they can do a direct cremation or donate my body to science or whatever they want as I don’t care.

After my father's earlier this year both my brother and I told our mother to pick hers when alive because it's horrible having to pick on their behalf afterwards

She's picked one

I lean towards Danny Boy, though I think, as JustLyra said, including a few songs and letting people pick might be useful.

I have an ever growing list of song options, at the moment it's mostly Blackmore's Night songs like No Second Chances.

JustLyra I think it's a good point of balancing wanting to plan things out to take that burden off of loved ones to make choices and possibly going overboard and adding more of a burden (I've had family at both extremes, from the one who would only talk about being put out with the bins to every little detail planned). I tend to be an overplanner, but I'm trying to keep my funeral planning open to a few options that I would like -- though I have written for clothes that if I'm buried (my second choice if recompose/human composting hasn't come to the UK yet), I'm happy for a funeral gown or something they choose, but I absolutely do not want to be buried in a bra. I have that part underlined and everything, not gonna be stuck decomposing with one of those

I've got such a long playlist for my funeral, I'll need a double slot. I should probably trim it down. OP either song would be great, I think - a friend had a band playing Danny Boy leading us into the chapel for her funeral.