Planning my Funeral

[ancientgran]

I want to get everything planned so my kids don't have to worry about it. I'm trying to decide on music, I know the hymns I want as they are from childhood but I wanted something else for the end of the service.

I've always loved Danny Boy so that's a contender but then again I thought maybe something a bit more uplifting so do you think Spirit in the Sky is too over the top?

Planned mine/not having one !!

I had to plan my mums funeral in December & even though I spent her last 2wks at her bedside in the hospital sleeping in a chair, she would’nt even entertain the subject being broached, she was dying from hospital acquired Covid & I had to pretend to her everything was going to be ok to not upset her. But I planned her funeral down to the last detail with the songs from her favourite singer & everyone that watched the funeral online said it was just my mum & thought she had planned it. So you plan what you want op & go out the way you want xxx

@Slub

I just want one of them SIMPLE non funerals. Carted away / incinerated/ delivered back in ashes state in a cardboard environment friendly container. If the humans left living want to celebrate my passing that's up to them 🤷‍♂️

That's why my DH wants except he specifically doesn't want any celebrations or memorial or whatever.

I’ve never understood why people plan their own funerals right down to hymn choice. You’ll be dead so why does it matter to you?

Funerals are for the living, but they're about the deceased. If you're remembering and paying tribute to the life of somebody special, wouldn't you want to do that in the way that would have been most meaningful and appropriate to them?

@Knittinglikemad

I had to plan my mums funeral in December & even though I spent her last 2wks at her bedside in the hospital sleeping in a chair, she would’nt even entertain the subject being broached, she was dying from hospital acquired Covid & I had to pretend to her everything was going to be ok to not upset her. But I planned her funeral down to the last detail with the songs from her favourite singer & everyone that watched the funeral online said it was just my mum & thought she had planned it. So you plan what you want op & go out the way you want xxx

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mother was the same, I think she was frightened.

It’s a big help to the bereaved to know song preferences etc. For my dad the only thing we knew was he wanted to be cremated. It was a big pressure to choose songs and we ended up having to select 4, coming in, slideshow song, reflection song and leaving. We knew he liked the Beatles and we chose 3 Beatles and Simon & Garfunkel. It was actually perfect and we felt we did him proud, but it would have been a lot less stressful knowing his preferences. We knew he was dying but he didn’t offer the choices and it never felt right asking him

We’ve just had this with a grandparent. I would advise adding a note to all the instructions saying “if any of this isn’t possible it doesn’t matter” it helps the family not tie themselves in knots when something doesn’t work out.

When Mum died it was really helpful to find notes of what she would like in her papers. She named 2 pieces of music, and a poem to be read.

We were so happy to give her the send-off that she wanted.

@ParkheadParadise

I like Danny Boy You'll never walk alone is another one I've heard at funerals. We had it played at dd's it was played along with a video of pictures. In the Catholic church, we could only have hymns.

I'm Catholic, I'm hoping Spirit in the Sky would be acceptable as it is all about Jesus, the spirit int he sky (God) and going to heaven. I don't think my priest will object.

Maybe I should focus on that, it would probably be more acceptable than Danny Boy in the church.

@Partin

We’ve just had this with a grandparent. I would advise adding a note to all the instructions saying “if any of this isn’t possible it doesn’t matter” it helps the family not tie themselves in knots when something doesn’t work out.

That's a good point, thank you.

@Gemma2019

I’ve never understood why people plan their own funerals right down to hymn choice. You’ll be dead so why does it matter to you? I’ve told my family they can do a direct cremation or donate my body to science or whatever they want as I don’t care.

Having just been involved in arranging a funeral, to people with your attitude I say this. Agreed, you will be dead and it won't matter to you either way, but someone, some how has to make these decisions. And it'll be your loved ones who are grieving. So save them the extra unnecessary pain and take 5 minutes out of your life to write a few bullets points and put it in an envelope. burial/ crem/medical science. Service / no service. Massive wake/ no fuss. Flowers any or family only/ donations to X charity. Music. What do you want doing with your ashes if cremated. Dress code for the service. Any particular items you want with you. Any viewingsof you between your death and the service. It'll save a lot of grief.

@Darbs76

It’s a big help to the bereaved to know song preferences etc. For my dad the only thing we knew was he wanted to be cremated. It was a big pressure to choose songs and we ended up having to select 4, coming in, slideshow song, reflection song and leaving. We knew he liked the Beatles and we chose 3 Beatles and Simon & Garfunkel. It was actually perfect and we felt we did him proud, but it would have been a lot less stressful knowing his preferences. We knew he was dying but he didn’t offer the choices and it never felt right asking him

I'm sure he would have approved.

I just want one of them SIMPLE non funerals.
Carted away / incinerated/ delivered back in ashes state in a cardboard environment friendly container.
If the humans left living want to celebrate my passing that's up to them

It's entirely your choice - and you obviously know your loved ones way better than I ever could - but I think a lot of the familiar, traditional stuff is part of how people want to 'see you off'. You won't (knowingly) be there, so I'd say to make sure that it helps your surviving loved ones to celebrate and mourn you. Sometimes, when funerals are very sparse and pared right back (or non-existent), it can leave people feeling that they didn't have proper 'closure'.

Thanks for all the tips, I think I'm going to go with Spirit in the Sky but let them know it doesn't matter if it doesn't work out.

We've been to a funeral where Spirit in the Sky was played at the end. It was very appropriate for the person & it made me smile, as I've always liked it.

Much better to plan your funeral, rather than let people guess when they are at their most vulnerable.

My FIL requested ‘ring of fire’ at his cremation, it raised a few smiles and if anyone had a cats bum face then they obviously didn’t know him very well. I think spirit in the sky is lovely and uplifting.

@ancientgran
😂😂😂
I think the priest might object.

Seriously, our Church does not allow songs to be played only hymns. You could have it played at the graveside.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

I just want one of them SIMPLE non funerals. Carted away / incinerated/ delivered back in ashes state in a cardboard environment friendly container. If the humans left living want to celebrate my passing that's up to them

It's entirely your choice - and you obviously know your loved ones way better than I ever could - but I think a lot of the familiar, traditional stuff is part of how people want to 'see you off'. You won't (knowingly) be there, so I'd say to make sure that it helps your surviving loved ones to celebrate and mourn you. Sometimes, when funerals are very sparse and pared right back (or non-existent), it can leave people feeling that they didn't have proper 'closure'.

I say this to DH, he's made me promise no funeral, no one at the crem. I've told him it is selfish but he thinks he can be selfish when he's dead.

I dread it, it is so not the right thing in my view but I have to respect his wishes. He'll haunt me if I don't.

@ancientgran

I'm not big on music to be honest. I've chosen two hymns I sang at school as a little girl as they do mean something. I've always loved Danny Boy but I think it is a bit of a tear jerker and I thought Spirit in the Sky might make them smile. I'd like to think of them smiling at the thought of their slightly batty mum but maybe Danny Boy would be more appropriate.

I suppose what puts me off a bit is slightly pretentious DIL who will have a cat's bum face about it.

Have moira rose's version of danny boy.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

I just want one of them SIMPLE non funerals. Carted away / incinerated/ delivered back in ashes state in a cardboard environment friendly container. If the humans left living want to celebrate my passing that's up to them

It's entirely your choice - and you obviously know your loved ones way better than I ever could - but I think a lot of the familiar, traditional stuff is part of how people want to 'see you off'. You won't (knowingly) be there, so I'd say to make sure that it helps your surviving loved ones to celebrate and mourn you. Sometimes, when funerals are very sparse and pared right back (or non-existent), it can leave people feeling that they didn't have proper 'closure'.

Yep it is my choice. Yep I know my family more than you.

I think it's really helpful and sensible to specify some preferences, to help the people organizing the funeral. And helpful to emphasise that it's ok if your preferences can't be accommodated

I would like ‘Free Bird’ by Lynyrd Skynyrd.
Love that track.

[quote ParkheadParadise]**@ancientgran
😂😂😂
I think the priest might object.

Seriously, our Church does not allow songs to be played only hymns. You could have it played at the graveside.[/quote]
Maybe I'll ask him. He is very relaxed and as it references God and Jesus I think he will go with it, I think it is like a gospel spiritual.

Have moira rose's version of danny boy. I think it might be harder to justify with the priest.

Do you have a funeral plan in place?