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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend annoyed with me because of Covid result

250 replies

FuckingFabulous · 01/08/2021 18:47

On Friday, my friend's DC and mine got together and spent a few hours hanging out playing a sport . We had a chat together when we collected our kids, then went our separate ways. On Saturday morning, my DH woke up dizzy, thought it was vestibular neuritis again, looked online for an OTC remedy and read a Harvard article about dizziness being a Covid symptom, so took a PCR. This morning, me and the DC did lat flows and mine had a very faint line. Texted the people we had been in contact with to give a cursory heads up. Took myself and DC for a test; while getting it, DH got his back positive. Immediately texted all people we were in contact with to let them know there was a positive in our household. This particular friend read the message and didn't respond, but immediately put up a Facebook post saying she was furious that someone she had been in contact with had Covid and put her CV self and her child at risk for a game of football rather than staying home and being safe and considerate, and if she dies she hopes they feel guilty for being such a selfish fucker.

Uh.

How do I respond to that?

OP posts:
coronafiona · 01/08/2021 21:13

"I'm really sorry to have put you at risk. I didn't know, I didn't do it deliberately and I am isolating."

Just leave it there until some one says I hope you are ok and shames her.

I hope it's not too scary for you and you have good support. This is such a clever disease and we are all vulnerable. Thanks

TSSDNCOP · 01/08/2021 21:16

My better Angel would be saying block her, just concentrate on getting everyone through it safe and sound.

My other Angel would be typing a very, very timescaled reply with a pass ag thanks for your well wishes arsehole before blocking her ass forever.

I have had wine so Bad Angel would knock Good Angels halo right off.

ChittyChittyBangBangChicken · 01/08/2021 21:36

She's probably scared, fair enough, but if she's that paranoid, she needs to not be meeting up with people unless absolutely necessary. No-one knows they're infected from the moment they catch anything, and it's not fair to blame others for something they couldn't help, when she's been happy enough to take the risk of mingling.

FatCatThinCat · 01/08/2021 21:38

I'd like to reply 'I share your frustration. We also met up with someone for football on Friday and two days later we all tested positive for covid. Selfish fuckers everywhere right now.' Then block her.

ilovesooty · 01/08/2021 21:38

I'd just delete and block someone who did that. You can't reason with people like that. Mind you I can't be doing with all this "call her out" (loathsome term) stuff either.

Lulola · 01/08/2021 21:52

@mysecrethistory

Why do you think she has to self isolate? Was it indoor football?

Why do you say this? OP has mentioned self isolating in the post. Are you just making things up so you can be judgmental?

Cattitudes · 01/08/2021 21:57

I think I would be tempted to be innocent that she is referring to you and sympathise with her saying that there must be a lot around as your dh developed symptoms the day after you saw her, tested positive and now you are feeling unwell too. Praise the fast turnaround of test results. Fortunately though you have had both vaccines so hopefully it will be mild and you haven't passed it on at all. Sign off saying that you hope she hasn't caught it from you or the other family.

Zilla1 · 01/08/2021 22:00

HNRTT but could you publically reply "That sounds terrible if someone who knew they were symptomatic or had had a positive test then put others at risk. Poor you. I got infected by someone myself last week but as soon as I had the first ink;ing of a symptom, my family all got a test, isolated ourselves and let everyone we could have had any contact with when we was asymptomatic/pre-symptomatic".

I'd then think twice about socialising with her again.

Hugoslavia · 01/08/2021 22:00

I wouldn't allow that to stand. I would be commenting on her FB page stating that you had no knowledge/symptoms ahead of meeting up, she chose to meet up with you for a game of football, therefore was complicit in taking a small risk, that you all had tests at first sign of symptoms and promptly informed them and that the cause of the covid is unknown, but could easily have been passed from them to you! I would then say something about passive aggressive shit on FB rather than dealing with this one to one in a more grown upmanner.

Doodlebug71 · 01/08/2021 22:08

So many people here insisting the other person is paranoid. No they're not. For CV/CEV people, this is life. One person can put everyone at risk.

CV/CEV people have been shielding and being careful about who one is even in contact with who for 18 months.

"You're being ridiculous" is at the very least incredibly unkind. It's actually in real terms absolutely spiteful, selfish and nasty. It's not ridiculous to avoid contact with a virus that can kill a CV/CEV person when one is a CV/CEV person. Shame on anyone here who thinks otherwise.

Cryalot2 · 01/08/2021 22:08

Op you have done nothing wrong. Flowers. Sorry you have it in the house. It is a horrid illness and you do not realise that you have it at first. Some have tested positive and had no symptoms, so given that no one has any right to ridicule you.
Take care . We found out who our true friends were when we had it.

LopsidedWombat · 01/08/2021 22:11

I cannot believe this is a friend of yours who did this! Usually I am all for ignore/block/never see again approach but in this instance I don't think I could help but say something under the post like "sorry you felt the need to post this so publicly when I didn't even slightly suspect any of us could have covid until DH woke up feeling unwell the day after you and I spent time together. Of course we would have cancelled had any of us experienced symptoms beforehand. This could happen anytime that we spend time with people at the minute and is what makes covid so problematic".

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 01/08/2021 22:14

I'd go with I assume this is about me. I'm so sorry that I didn't know on Friday that my husband would develop a symptom on Saturday. I apologise for my selfish lack of clairvoyance.

Zilla1 · 01/08/2021 22:16

Perhaps it seems ridiculous for someone CEV (the facebook poster) to refuse to own their own choices. They chose to allow their child to play football with someone else who could have been asymptomatic/pre-symptomatic. Rather than owning that choice, they seem have chosen to post something that implies that the OP was selfish implying they know they were infectious when they were asymptomatic/pre-symptomatic and, on the face of it, don't seem to have done anything wrong.

PurpleOkapi · 01/08/2021 22:18

@Doodlebug71

So many people here insisting the other person is paranoid. No they're not. For CV/CEV people, this is life. One person can put everyone at risk.

CV/CEV people have been shielding and being careful about who one is even in contact with who for 18 months.

"You're being ridiculous" is at the very least incredibly unkind. It's actually in real terms absolutely spiteful, selfish and nasty. It's not ridiculous to avoid contact with a virus that can kill a CV/CEV person when one is a CV/CEV person. Shame on anyone here who thinks otherwise.

That's not why people are saying she's being ridiculous. Believing covid might kill her isn't ridiculous. Choosing to risk exposure to covid by having close contact with others (including unvaccinated children) despite believing that covid might kill her, then blaming those others when the obvious happens and she's exposed to covid, is what's ridiculous here. Her health is her own responsibility, not OP's. If she's that worried about it, she should have either asked OP and her family to take a test beforehand, or just not been in close contact with them. No one "put her at risk," because no one forced her at gunpoint to be in contact with OP, or to let her child spend hours playing with OP's child. Her choices put herself at risk, and now she'll live or die with the consequences. The only thing "spiteful, selfish, and nasty" is her insistence on blaming others for her own bad decisions.
B1rthis · 01/08/2021 22:22

Perhaps ask your friend to log onto her local hospital results page where it states how many deaths and icu patients on ventilation in the last week.
Ask her if she feels that her outrage is reasonable following the information above not to mention the fact that children have safely been interacting for the last year with very little worries.

Sometimeswinning · 01/08/2021 22:22

PCRs have to be a: ordered, and then b: sent off to a lab for results

Walk in?? Honestly stop playing detective. A 12hr response is possible. I've had a next day result with my work pcr.

Newbabynewhouse · 01/08/2021 22:33

Maybe you caught it from her!?..

Bingbongbash · 01/08/2021 22:36

I think I would type under her message 'You have implied that we had symptoms before we met up when you. That is a lie. We got symptoms the next day and got tested. Hope if you do get coronavirus at any point the people you have recently been in contact with are more considerate and offer only sympathy or milk and bread deliveries instead of vicious messages on Facebook.'

stayathomer · 01/08/2021 22:38

It pisses me off majorly when people give out about someone informing them that they or a family member wee positive. I feel like there should be ads out saying 'if you're willing to meet someone, you're agreeing to take a chance'. Two of my friends (separate occasions) botched about people who they'd been in contact with who tested positive. I just said hope they're okay and didn't join in the rant against them. We meet up with the in laws and it's a given that it's a risk on them(and us. Saying that I'd say the post was a reflex and she's just worried

stayathomer · 01/08/2021 22:39

Were not weeBlushGrin

stayathomer · 01/08/2021 22:40

And bitched not botched!!! GrinConfused

Biblionerd · 01/08/2021 22:40

I'm one of those who wouldn't be able to leave it without a comment, she is basically trying to say you put her at risk when in actual fact you are completely innocent and have done all of the right things. That is so unfair! I've seen a few good responses up thread that would cause far less friction that what I might have written!! But I agree, this is a 'friendship' that needs terminating!

stayathomer · 01/08/2021 22:41

Ps my son had a pcr test back same day too for all the people saying it

Jumpingintosummer · 01/08/2021 22:45

@Bingbongbash

I think I would type under her message 'You have implied that we had symptoms before we met up when you. That is a lie. We got symptoms the next day and got tested. Hope if you do get coronavirus at any point the people you have recently been in contact with are more considerate and offer only sympathy or milk and bread deliveries instead of vicious messages on Facebook.'
This.
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