People talking to you in public

[Mummybasketball]

I was eating a breakfast by myself, head buried in my phone and someone comes up to talk to me as e cafe had been done over and looking posh.

Aibu by thinking he’s a rude one?

@SchrodingersImmigrant

No. Majority of times it really doesn't. That's my experience

Mine too.

I think it does depend where you live.

I'm London and just remember someone said god no one says hello or good morning! So unfriendly.
If I said hello to passers by on my way to work that would be I dunno. Thousands of people certainly!

When space is limited and people are forced into close proximity it stresses us. That's just a thing. So in those situations social norms arise to try and give each other sort of artificial space as it were. That's why people on the tube or in lifts etc tend to sort of ignore each other.

It's not impolite it's a social convention and it's there for a reason.

Anything happens and it breaks it. Massive delay, lights all go out, someone keels over.

If you need help in London then more often than not people will jump in. Physically lift s bus off someone trapped underneath (Google it, amazing!), Point out your bag is unzipped and waiting for a pickpocket, grab s narwahl horn. Whatever.

But no we don't chat to strangers. In general. Different walking dog/ neighbours etc. But no.

Way to much drama over something that most people wouldn’t give another thought to. I don’t know how some people get through each day.

I'm inclined to agree with this.

I lived in 2 countries, 5 different cities and even on holidays, it just isn't a norm. There is the very odd idiot, obviously, but absolutely not a majority.

Never lived in london, I see i am not missing much

@NiceGerbil

I'm in the north of England (about as far north as you can go before you're in Scotland), and people chat away happily to strangers in public where I live. Maybe it does make a difference where you live.

Forgot to say I meant the vetbal abuse in my post.

I love how it's turned into him scaring you now.

[quote AngryWhompingWillow]@beigebrownblue

Unless it was sexist, I wouldn't mind.

Parts of the country are different. Particularly in and after Covid times I generally appreciate passing the time of day with fellow humans, as long as I'm not in a total rush, in which case I say.

Loneliness has increased in Covid. Not for nothing do the Samaritans put a motto on on train tickets

'small talk saves lives'.

I believe small talk is important. The person in question may not have spoken to someone all day. ('ve been in this position whilst home schooling or with small child).

As long as it is not offensive or sexist i don't mind this.

@OldTurtleNewShell

You must be joking. "Let random strangers monopolise your time with small talk or they might commit suicide" is a ridiculous take.

What about the mental health of the other person? The one who maybe gets half an hour a day to themselves between work and small children? And just needs that half an hour away from it all to wind down?

And who is then expected to take responsibility for the mental health of whatever strange man approaches her?

Women aren't support animals for random men.

We have our own shit to deal with and we're well within our rights to say no to strange men if we don't want to spend time with them.

Completely agree with you turtle. And this 'you must talk or someone may commit suicide' rhetoric is horrific. And like 'being nice' and #bekind is aimed almost exclusively at women and girls.[/quote]
Actually, yes I know about needing my own space love.

I'm an overworked woman too.

But still get the value of small talk and wouldnt be so extreme about it.

@DoingItMyself

It is 'unpleasant' to insist upon speaking to a stranger who hasn't solicited your attention. This is a case of an 'entitled' man pressing his attention on an unwilling woman for his own satisfaction. Why are we supposed to accept that? Why do women have to 'be nice', 'be friendl

Some on this thread including Op would be totally stuffed down here in Somerset.

Random comments whilst getting off or on the bus often included the words...

'Thanks my loverrr'...

Which translated does not literally mean they think you are their 'lover' (not harrassment) this comment issued by men and women alike,,

They are just passing the time of day...

Glad I live here not where you are...actually.

Long live Somerset.

@Wingedharpy

When I said "joys of ageing", I meant just that. I actually quite enjoy being invisible. I can get up to all sorts of mischief!

Me too. In fact i deliberately cultivate it.

I really changed my attitude to talking to strangers after lockdown. In early January I was standing in a queue waiting for a take-away coffee and there was a guy waiting next to me in his 30s with a friend who I don't think he'd seen for a while.

The friend was asking him how his Christmas had gone and this poor guy literally hadn't seen anyone over the entire holiday but was trying to put a positive spin on it to not look like a victim. He was attractive and intelligent and my heart just went out to him.

From that moment on I (unconsciously) decided to always happily engage with anyone who wanted to talk to me.

Having said that, I think it's very easy to distinguish between people who just want a bit of brief connection and someone who's actually coming on to you.

I think it's the human equivalent of dogs sniffing bums.

Some dogs are receptive and sniff back.

Some dogs wander off with no reciprocal sniffing.

And other dogs will bite your nose off if you dare even think about sniffing.

Just need to read the signals and heed the growling.

Some dogs come and sniff your bum (lovely analogy) and if you are not 'receptive' (urgh) will bite YOU!

IME

What's the human equivalent of that thing where a male dog tries to mount another one to show dominance?!

Tbf though I have been called a stuck up/ fucking bitch more than once when politely indicating that I wasn't up for a 'chat' right now

@Mummybasketball

Did you seriously score yourself as an 8-10? Somewhat arrogant.

And I doubt he was trying to shag you. Not everyone wants to shag you. He was making conversation. It's normal and it's nice. Get over yourself.

Yep don’t expect OP to reply any time soon though, probs gets plenty of beauty sleep- pushing for that 9.

Look up. Tight smile. Look down. Carry on scrolling.
(You're welcome)

I lived in London until I was 50 where if someone would say "nice morning" in passing the response is more likely to be "wtf has it got to do with you". Where I moved to everyone you pass says "morning". My son came to visit and we went for a walk. He was really surprised and asked whether I knew all these people 🙄

A 60 year old man and a 30 year old women meet in a supermarket…. She’s a 8/10 and he’s, well 60.

Ageist and really childish. Grow up. I'm 32 and don't know any 30 year olds who speak like this - giving themselves a grade out of 10 and speaking about a 60 year old as if their age makes them ineligible for human interaction. It's love-island-generation thinking. You're a silly little girl OP.

I lived in London until I was 50 where if someone would say "nice morning" in passing the response is more likely to be "wtf has it got to do with you".

Very pleased to live nowhere near London!

A 60 year old man and a 30 year old women meet in a supermarket…. She’s a 8/10 and he’s, well 60.

Omfg

The OP never said the man was chatting her up. Her comment about her being an 8/10 was in response to another poster saying that someone met his wife this way. If anything the OP was taking the piss at the idea that he was chatting her up.

And honestly who cares if the OP rates herself that highly? Good on her for having high self esteem I say! We should be encouraging confidence and high self esteem in women not taking the piss and tearing them down.

As for the man might have committed suicide if he didn't talk to the OP, are you for real? If someone is suicidal they need to talk to a mental health professional. The OP is not responsible for a stranger's mental health. And I say that as a suicide attempt survivor myself.

@bumblenbean, I'm in my 50's, I'm from Liverpool, so by rights I should be happy to chat. Except the last time I allowed a strange man to engage me in conversation this happened, I'd stopped by some trees with my grandchildren, we chat about everything. A man in his 60's told me to be careful of the nettles. I exchanged pleasantries. He then told me that he's "68 but goes like a 50 year old". He then aggressively invites me to his house, that we have to walk past everyday and tells the children that he has ice-cream. I thought I was done with this type of shit. I had that shit happen 30 years ago Infront of my children, I don't expect it Infront of my grandchildren.
So no, I'll protect me, as I'm allowed to and not exgage at all with men who I don't know. There's another thread on this. I still get men trying to tell me how to do things better. One, who I started talking to on a bus then told me that I was getting off wrong with the pram. I've been getting off buses with prams for thirty six years. He hasn't ever pushed a pram (I asked). They don't pull this shit on other men. I had the same 'helpful advice' when I had my Mother in a wheelchair.

[quote Ponoka7]@bumblenbean, I'm in my 50's, I'm from Liverpool, so by rights I should be happy to chat. Except the last time I allowed a strange man to engage me in conversation this happened, I'd stopped by some trees with my grandchildren, we chat about everything. A man in his 60's told me to be careful of the nettles. I exchanged pleasantries. He then told me that he's "68 but goes like a 50 year old". He then aggressively invites me to his house, that we have to walk past everyday and tells the children that he has ice-cream. I thought I was done with this type of shit. I had that shit happen 30 years ago Infront of my children, I don't expect it Infront of my grandchildren.
So no, I'll protect me, as I'm allowed to and not exgage at all with men who I don't know. There's another thread on this. I still get men trying to tell me how to do things better. One, who I started talking to on a bus then told me that I was getting off wrong with the pram. I've been getting off buses with prams for thirty six years. He hasn't ever pushed a pram (I asked). They don't pull this shit on other men. I had the same 'helpful advice' when I had my Mother in a wheelchair.[/quote]
I agree. Not all older men are lovely and fluffy and I don't think the OP has to engage with them all to find out which category they're in. When I worked in an office in my 20s out of the two men in their 50s/60s, one thought I'd want to go out with him and the other groped me when other people were out of the room. In my experience those people who ignore your body language (she wasn't looking to engage, clearly) are far more likely to be the pesterers than the lovely old buffers who just want a chat.