People talking to you in public

[Mummybasketball]

I was eating a breakfast by myself, head buried in my phone and someone comes up to talk to me as e cafe had been done over and looking posh.

Aibu by thinking he’s a rude one?

Fortunately I seem to have been born with the rare skill of being able to kill chit chat type conversations stone dead in a split second. Even when I’m actually in the mood to engage with a random like the OP, I somehow manage to give off the vibe “abort chit chat mode” and the person either moves on or we just stand their awkwardly for a while before going back to look on phone or etc.

Miserable resting face or something, I don’t know.

If you can’t politely shut down a conversation you don’t want, then it’s you with the poor social skills, not the poor buggar trying to engage you in some polite chit chat.
Despite your obvious good looks , he might have thought you looked lonely and he was trying to cheer you up, obviously failed in his mission judging by your post.

She didn’t say she was rude to him. She said that she thought it was rude for him to bother her while she is eating and is on her phone. She should not have to engage in chit chat because a stranger is lonely or assumes she is. People are seriously acting like reading body language is so difficult or should be ignored for the sake of a stranger because they may be lonely.

Some people may be having breakfast in a cafe alone because it’s the only time they can have to themselves or have a quiet breakfast that they didn’t have to make themselves. Also, some are on a limited time frame and may be just having a bit of food before work.

OP was eating and looking at her phone, that is not the usual body language of someone who is looking for a chat. Plus, if he wanted a bit of a chat, why not talk to the people that work there about the refurb. Oh right, they’re likely busy and OP is seemingly not.

In a nutshell this sums up the thread:

'Get over yourself love, try being a little less hostile, judgy, self important and self absorbed.
Try interacting with real humans instead of burying yourself in your phone and then coming onto the internet to get validation from complete strangers online.'

[quote avamiah]@NiceGerbil,

I have told my daughter the exact same as she starts secondary school in September.

If she doesn’t know the person then they are a stranger, even if the person has a adorable dog or is carrying cute little puppies or kittens and needs help he/she is still a stranger and she has a phone for emergencies so will use it to call me or a family member .[/quote]
That’s going to make it tricky for her to make friends when she starts a new school!

Oh my god. Wrong thread😂

@SupermanWithTheGreyHair

But a posh Morrison's cafe? 🤣

It's a colloquial thing. Sometimes northerners will say "this is looking posh" to mean it looks nice/ it's been redecorated/ new etc. It doesn't actually mean high-class or "posh" as in the dictionary definition.

There's really nothing much to discuss here.

Newsflash: Lonely Old Person Seeks Conversation.

Really?

If you don't want to talk to him just politely respond "yes it's looking nice" and go back to your phone. No big deal.

It doesn't sound like he was harrassing you. If he actually came and sat with you after that then of course tell him to go away but it sounds like just some old codger after a chat.

It's obviously up to you if you engage or not, but it's really nothing to shout about.

@petridishmystery

I wouldn’t like this! If I was just stood around in the queue or something where I wasn’t actively involved in doing something then whilst I wouldn’t be keen to talk to anyone (I’m not a sociable person and I can’t do small talk) I would go along with it because I don’t think it’s rude or anything but when you’re actively engaged in something and they just come and interrupt you, that’s different. At one job I used to sit on a bench and read but one of the older chaps started to sit next to me and chat for my whole lunch break, even tho I was clearly reading. I just sat somewhere else in the end. I didn’t want to spend my lunch break listening to him drone on about random stuff I wasn’t interested in. I wanted to read my book in peace. I don’t think that’s asking a lot! (And given he spent all day chatting to everyone and a lot of the convo was about his wife and kids, I don’t think I was depriving him of the only friendly convo he’d have all day or anything like that, he just loved to talk. All the time.)

Exactly my thoughts.

I generally have a resting bitch face but it must have been ten times worse when he started talking to me

No it won’t.

Schools = safe space whereby you are with people in an environment to make friends.

Morrison’s cafe eating food, leave people the F alone.

@PuppyMonkey

Fortunately I seem to have been born with the rare skill of being able to kill chit chat type conversations stone dead in a split second. Even when I’m actually in the mood to engage with a random like the OP, I somehow manage to give off the vibe “abort chit chat mode” and the person either moves on or we just stand their awkwardly for a while before going back to look on phone or etc.

Miserable resting face or something, I don’t know.

I wouldn't say it's a "rare skill" lol. You're obviously just not engaging so they move on. OP can do the same, and then it's really no big deal on either side!

She didn’t say she was rude to him. She said that she thought it was rude for him to bother her while she is eating and is on her phone. She should not have to engage in chit chat because a stranger is lonely or assumes she is. People are seriously acting like reading body language is so difficult or should be ignored for the sake of a stranger because they may be lonely.

Why did she ask if he was the rude one then, presumably she did something rude to warrant the question ?
I didn't say anyone had to engage in chit chat, you politely acknowledge them and let them get on with their day, not difficult.

If that is hard for you, perhaps stick to Tesco home delivery and cook you own food at home.

@onelittlefrog

There's really nothing much to discuss here.

Newsflash: Lonely Old Person Seeks Conversation.

Really?

If you don't want to talk to him just politely respond "yes it's looking nice" and go back to your phone. No big deal.

It doesn't sound like he was harrassing you. If he actually came and sat with you after that then of course tell him to go away but it sounds like just some old codger after a chat.

It's obviously up to you if you engage or not, but it's really nothing to shout about.

His loneliness was removed after getting in an anxious woman’s face, who’s been struggling with a pandemic and has been isolated. Her mental health issues have worsened and to have a man come over to her, when she was busy eating food/on her phone, scaring her, to tell her the cafe had a make of…. Just to cure his apparent “loneliness”. He seemed pretty confident to chat to a single female, so go to the pub whereby lots of men want to chat

Gosh it amazes me how many people lack social skills and take offence so easily. Why would you even care? We really seem to live in a snowflake society it’s no wonder so many people want to withdraw.

I suggest if you don’t like people then don’t go to public places?

@Mummybasketball

No it won’t.

Schools = safe space whereby you are with people in an environment to make friends.

Morrison’s cafe eating food, leave people the F alone.

The thing is, this is you own subjective view and experience of the world.

Other people don't think like you, and if you sit in Morrison's cafe then occasionally you're going to come across other people who have a different outlook and a different view of the world.

Yeah it might be annoying sometimes (I also don't like talking to random strangers), but honestly, just politely decline the invitation to chat and move on with your life. It's not worth getting all worked up about.

The guy obviously doesn't have any ulterior motives, he just has a different world view to you.

Yorkshire folk are like that all the time. Maybe they are related to just about everyone local and thought you were one of the family 🤣

His loneliness was removed after getting in an anxious woman’s face, who’s been struggling with a pandemic and has been isolated. Her mental health issues have worsened and to have a man come over to her, when she was busy eating food/on her phone, scaring her, to tell her the cafe had a make of…. Just to cure his apparent “loneliness”. He seemed pretty confident to chat to a single female, so go to the pub whereby lots of men want to chat

You didn't say anything about him "getting in your face" or "scaring" you at the start of the thread.

You just said he came over and commented on the cafe looking posh. So which was it? Was he making polite conversation or was he scaring you?

It is interesting these 'nice and friendly' men don't pull this shit with other blokes or with older women.

Is this a different version of that tedious thread a few days ago ‘random comment man?’

No mention of anxious face, struggling with pandemic and being isolated in OP...

@milkyaqua

It is interesting these 'nice and friendly' men don't pull this shit with other blokes or with older women.

There are some older people (men and women) in my community who literally talk to everyone.

Only OP can really tell if this guy had some other motivation or not. It sounds to me like he was the kind of person who would probably have made that comment to whoever was sitting in the cafe at the time.

@milkyaqua

It is interesting these 'nice and friendly' men don't pull this shit with other blokes or with older women.

What ? making a comment about the refurb of a Morrisons cafe.

They do, its called being friendly and making conversation with other humans.

Why are so many posters the female equivalent of a misogynist?

Why did she ask if he was the rude one then, presumably she did something rude to warrant the question ?

That makes no sense. As far as she has said she was sitting alone, looking at her phone, eating breakfast. She didn’t say anything to him nor made eye contact. He saw a woman sitting alone in a cafe and ASSUMED she was lonely and decided to chat to her. How is she the rude one? How can someone be rude who isn’t doing anything but sitting, eating, and minding their own business in what sounds like a seemingly empty cafe?

His loneliness was removed after getting in an anxious woman’s face, who’s been struggling with a pandemic and has been isolated. Her mental health issues have worsened and to have a man come over to her, when she was busy eating food/on her phone, scaring her, to tell her the cafe had a make of…. Just to cure his apparent “loneliness”. He seemed pretty confident to chat to a single female, so go to the pub whereby lots of men want to cha
Not surprised you are isolated if you can't look up from your phone and politely acknowledge someone.
Would you have been ok with an attractive 30 years old man (8 /10 looks) commenting on the state of the Morrisons cafe.