Page 11 | People talking to you in public

Mummybasketball · 2021-08-01T00:10:16+00:00

I was eating a breakfast by myself, head buried in my phone and someone comes up to talk to me as e cafe had been done over and looking posh. Aibu by thinking he’s a rude one?

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 01/08/2021 13:14

I’ll have a vaccine for others.... but don’t even think of speaking to me....I’m an 8/10....Jesus. 😅

Lulola · 01/08/2021 13:29

Surely it wouldn't hurt you to respond?

It wouldn’t hurt to respond. However she didn’t want to and therefore that should be the end of it. Why is his desire to pester people more important than her desire to eat a quiet breakfast?

I hate talking with my mouthful so would feel like I can’t even eat while he is there, defeating the point of being in a cafe.

AngryWhompingWillow · 01/08/2021 13:31

@NiceGerbil

Not surprised it was s bloke!

They're usually the ones who think oh I'm a bit bored/ she looks nice. I'll go and talk to her! Naturally she will be very pleased...

Obviously going and striking up conversation with s total stranger who is in the middle of eating, and obviously reading etc is very unlikely to be welcome.

I doubt men like that do it to other men.

Did he plunk himself down with you? I'd say 50/50.

This. ^

I am surprised that the YABU vote is so high. I don't think YABU at all @Mummybasketball

I would be a bit irked if I had sat down to a cappuccino and a nice cake, and had my head down, scrolling through my phone, and some random man came chatting to me. I know some think it's miserable and anti social, (and maybe it is!) But people have the right to just sit in peace in a café without chatting to random strangers. And as the pp above said, I bet he wouldn't have targeted a man.

I went to meet a friend for lunch, who I had not seen for 4 months not long ago (in a maccie Ds,) and a random customer came over (after he had binned his rubbish.) He began chatting to us, and stayed there for ten minutes yabbering on about himself.

I had gone there to meet my friend on her one hour lunch. She had a ten minute trip there and back, so we only had 40 minutes anyway, and this individual wasted 10 minutes of it. Very annoying.

Yeah I'm a misery guts. So shoot me.

As @NiceGerbil said further back in the thread (at 01.27;) when this type of random person starts yabbering and waffling on (usually about themselves,) they rarely acknowledge anything you say. Only interested in talking about themselves, and hearing the sound of their own voice.

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 01/08/2021 13:33

It wouldn’t hurt to respond. However she didn’t want to and therefore that should be the end of it.

Just don’t answer then, he’d soon move.

felulageller · 01/08/2021 13:34

Nrft but I hate this too.

If I'm on my own don't talk to me.

AngryWhompingWillow · 01/08/2021 13:43

@Lulola

Surely it wouldn't hurt you to respond?

It wouldn’t hurt to respond. However she didn’t want to and therefore that should be the end of it. Why is his desire to pester people more important than her desire to eat a quiet breakfast?

I hate talking with my mouthful so would feel like I can’t even eat while he is there, defeating the point of being in a cafe.

Agree Lulola. And 'it wouldn't have HURT this man,' to have left the OP alone, in peace, to enjoy the food and drink she paid for!

beigebrownblue · 01/08/2021 13:53

Unless it was sexist, I wouldn't mind.

Parts of the country are different. Down here (South West) i was astounded when people walked into shops and talked for ten minutes before saying what they wanted.

Then I realised it was the norm here. And I liked it.

Particularly in and after Covid times I generally appreciate passing the time of day with fellow humans, as long as I'm not in a total rush, in which case I say.

Loneliness has increased in Covid. Not for nothing do the Samaritans put a motton on train tickets

'small talk saves lives'.

I believe small talk is important. The person in question may not have spoken to someone all day. ('ve been in this position whilst home schooling or wiht small child).

As long as it is not offensive or sexist i don't mind this.

beigebrownblue · 01/08/2021 13:58

But then I am of a different generation (over fifty) and remember a time when there were no mobile phones and people did chat on trains etc.

I'm not convinced mobiles are an advantage and often think they contribute to loneliness between people.

How wonderful it used to be to go travelling and leave everything behind for a few hours and just be in the moment...

AngryWhompingWillow · 01/08/2021 14:09

@beigebrownblue

But then I am of a different generation (over fifty) and remember a time when there were no mobile phones and people did chat on trains etc.

I'm not convinced mobiles are an advantage and often think they contribute to loneliness between people.

How wonderful it used to be to go travelling and leave everything behind for a few hours and just be in the moment...

I remember that time of no mobile phones too. I used to travel a lot on coaches and trains, and sometimes pop into cafes alone... I never had a mobile phone, but I always had my nose in a book or a magazine. (AND I would have my walkman on...) And STILL, some random man felt the need to start bloody talking to me!!! (About himself of course!)

user1497207191 · 01/08/2021 14:18

@beigebrownblue

But then I am of a different generation (over fifty) and remember a time when there were no mobile phones and people did chat on trains etc.

I'm not convinced mobiles are an advantage and often think they contribute to loneliness between people.

How wonderful it used to be to go travelling and leave everything behind for a few hours and just be in the moment...

Mobiles are irrelevant. People were no more/less open to small talk years ago. People used to read newspapers or listen to walkmans to give the signal they weren’t open to small talk.

beigebrownblue · 01/08/2021 14:41

Sure, this is how YOU feel user 139 but we are still living in a free country (at the last count) and therefore we are all entitled to feel differently, n'est ce pas?

phoenixrosehere · 01/08/2021 14:47

She doesn't have to engage, just politely shut down the conversation and he can move onto someone else that does. Not difficult.

Why should she have to say anything at all? Even if she looked up in his direction, doesn’t mean it’s an invitation to speak to her. She shouldn’t have to shut down a conversation she didn’t even ask for or wanted.

Cherrysoup · 01/08/2021 14:48

What is this bollocks people are posting about eating at home if you don’t want conversation? Jesus Christ, should we all just stay at home forever more? Think we’ve had enough of that recently.

I don’t like being approached by random blokes, particularly older ones who then try to flirt (boak). I am, as others mentioned on the other thread about random man, practically invisible these days due to age.

OldTurtleNewShell · 01/08/2021 14:56

@beigebrownblue

Unless it was sexist, I wouldn't mind.

Parts of the country are different. Down here (South West) i was astounded when people walked into shops and talked for ten minutes before saying what they wanted.

Then I realised it was the norm here. And I liked it.

Particularly in and after Covid times I generally appreciate passing the time of day with fellow humans, as long as I'm not in a total rush, in which case I say.

Loneliness has increased in Covid. Not for nothing do the Samaritans put a motton on train tickets

'small talk saves lives'.

I believe small talk is important. The person in question may not have spoken to someone all day. ('ve been in this position whilst home schooling or wiht small child).

As long as it is not offensive or sexist i don't mind this.

You must be joking. "Let random strangers monopolise your time with small talk or they might commit suicide" is a ridiculous take. What about the mental health of the other person? The one who maybe gets half an hour a day to themselves between work and small children? And just needs that half an hour away from it all to wind down? And who is then expected to take responsibility for the mental health of whatever strange man approaches her? Women aren't support animals for random men. We have our own shit to deal with and we're well within our rights to say no to strange men if we don't want to spend time with them.

bumblenbean · 01/08/2021 15:22

I’m struggling to see what is offensive or intrusive about a passing remark about the cafe having a makeover. If he’d pulled up a chair and sat at her table, made a personal comment, tried to force a whole conversation- yes absolutely rude. But in the circumstances described it just sounds like an attempt to pass the time with a random and inoffensive comment; you know, just the kind of chit chat that people make because we’re social creatures and a smile and a remark about the setting is perfectly normal.

I appreciate some people are more introverted and have no desire to make small talk and I would never try to engage someone in conversation if they clearly weren’t interested but I find exchanging the odd comment and friendly smile with people makes day to day life when out and about much more pleasant. It seems pretty miserable and churlish to scowl and bitch about anyone daring to catch your eye or speak to you. If you don’t want to respond dont, but I don’t think it’s rude of someone to make the attempt.

Not everything is a feminist issue. I completely agree that some men try to intimidate/ harass / pester women and this is obviously unacceptable. Equally women shouldn’t be obliged to ‘be kind’ any more than men should. But in this case I think the sexes are irrelevant and like others I’ve seen such comments also exchanged between two women / two men all the time.

Of course it’s nobody’s ‘duty’ to help alleviate a stranger’s loneliness. But IMO, if it’s not costing you anything but a quick smile/ nod / reply it’s just part of being a decent human being 🤷🏻‍♀️

billy1966 · 01/08/2021 15:26

@NiceGerbil

Not surprised it was s bloke!

They're usually the ones who think oh I'm a bit bored/ she looks nice. I'll go and talk to her! Naturally she will be very pleased...

Obviously going and striking up conversation with s total stranger who is in the middle of eating, and obviously reading etc is very unlikely to be welcome.

I doubt men like that do it to other men.

Did he plunk himself down with you? I'd say 50/50.

Absolutely this.

Because no woman wants to be on her own, in peace for 5 minutes🙄

A not so polite stare with raised eyebrows is appropriate, followed by "leave me alone".

ToykotoLosAngeles · 01/08/2021 15:58

@SupermanWithTheGreyHair

I may want vulnerable people sitting near me on the train or passing in the supermarket to have long and happy lives but I don't want to talk to them all! What an odd link to make.

It’s not odd at all. Just says that people don’t actually care less but like to tell others they’re selfish.

This is batty. I can be pleased I've been vaccinated as a contribution to public health without taking on responsibility for their social lives.

ToykotoLosAngeles · 01/08/2021 16:03

Oh, I get it. Are you an anti-vaxxer trying to shoehorn it in?

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 01/08/2021 16:03

This is batty. I can be pleased I've been vaccinated as a contribution to public health without taking on responsibility for their social lives.

Taking on their social lives? It’s a short conversation about some cafe decor.

ToykotoLosAngeles · 01/08/2021 16:21

Quite. So you're saying refusing to be vaccinated and therefore potentially spreading a virus and refusing a short conversation in a café with a stranger are equally selfish acts?

Billandben444 · 01/08/2021 16:24

Look up at him, offer a tight smile in response and then head back down to scrolling and he'd have wandered off. I don't see what you thinking you're an 8/10 has to do with it but he was totally under the radar as he was 60, really?! Lockdown seems to have had an impact on your social skills but give it a bit of practice and you'll be able to deal with this type of scary situation next time.

NewFlav · 01/08/2021 16:24

This happens to me everywhere I go at least once per day. It seems to happen more when I'm out alone or they don't notice I'm with DH but if they see I'm with him they stay away. DH has had to step in and tell people to leave me alone on some occasions. He says I have one of those faces that attracts all the weirdos. I used to go along with it out of politeness but the older I get the less I am able to tolerate it. I now get called rude etc for asking them to leave me alone or for not engaging.

I'm more than happy to have friendly chit chat with people but sometimes I just want to go about my business without being disturbed.

I recently had a man in a supermarket get aggressively annoyed with me because I wouldn't stop unloading my massive weekly shop while keeping a 2 year old entertained, to talk to him about how massive my shop was! Yes I know how big it is, now F off and let me get on with it!

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 01/08/2021 16:29

Quite. So you're saying refusing to be vaccinated and therefore potentially spreading a virus and refusing a short conversation in a café with a stranger are equally selfish acts?

Lol....No. Nice try though.

Neither are selfish acts. I just think it’s odd that all these greater good, community minded people have such an issue having a conversation with someone.

SupermanWithTheGreyHair · 01/08/2021 16:33

But in all honesty, if you don’t want to talk, just don’t. Either say it politely ‘sorry, I’m busy’ or just ignore if you want to. Way to much drama over something that most people wouldn’t give another thought to. I don’t know how some people get through each day. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Christmasfairy2020 · 01/08/2021 16:35

Love its yorkshire that's what we do. I talk to people all time maybe ill stop.