Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People talking to you in public

330 replies

Mummybasketball · 01/08/2021 01:10

I was eating a breakfast by myself, head buried in my phone and someone comes up to talk to me as e cafe had been done over and looking posh.

Aibu by thinking he’s a rude one?

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 01/08/2021 02:15

Women are not under an obligation to chat to random men who decide that they want s chat. Irrespective of what the woman is doing.

I'm surprised so many posters see it as something women should do!

NiceGerbil · 01/08/2021 02:18

'If you eat your breakfast at home then strangers won’t approach you. If it’s that much of an issue….'

Grin

Ok good advice.

I wish I'd known it all my life.

Then I would have known to avoid-

High streets
Buses
Trains
The tube
Pubs
My front garden
Etc etc.

Well at least I know now!

vodkaredbullgirl · 01/08/2021 02:18

Move down south, no fucker talks to random people.

NiceGerbil · 01/08/2021 02:21

We do a bit here tbf

But wouldn't wander up and strike up a conversation with someone who was obviously doing something that they were into.

Eating in a cafe for eg. No one wants to make small talk with a stranger when they're getting their mouth round a hot plate of food, surely?!

I mean unless they're a certain type of man and you're female. Obviously. Then it's fine!

DoingItMyself · 01/08/2021 02:22

It is 'unpleasant' to insist upon speaking to a stranger who hasn't solicited your attention. This is a case of an 'entitled' man pressing his attention on an unwilling woman for his own satisfaction. Why are we supposed to accept that? Why do women have to 'be nice', 'be friendl

avamiah · 01/08/2021 02:24

@vodkaredbullgirl

Move down south, no fucker talks to random people.
Hahahah I just laughed out loud🤣

Yes your right there as I’m in London been here 13 years and I have to say your lucky if you get a smile from a stranger never mind a conversation.
😂

daisypond · 01/08/2021 02:25

I would say a cafe actually is where you would expect to chat with strangers. I don’t think the man did anything wrong. Obviously, if you don’t want to chat, you can just say so.

DoingItMyself · 01/08/2021 02:26

Don't know who pressed 'post', it wasn't me...y (be friendly) be polite', 'be kind'? Imagine the horror all round if the woman had shouted 'No! Go away! You can't force me to speak to you!' And yet that was what he was doing.

NiceGerbil · 01/08/2021 02:27

Not where I live it isn't.

In the queue maybe. To the people working there.

Not approaching those mid meal at a table. No way.

vodkaredbullgirl · 01/08/2021 02:27

Next time pretend you are deaf or don't speak their language.

avamiah · 01/08/2021 02:33

@NiceGerbil,
It’s a difficult one as I’m a friendly person and will happily chat away if somebody chats to me as long as I feel comfortable .

BasicDad · 01/08/2021 02:43

Eat at home or get a takeaway if you find someone "in public" talking to you annoying or offensive.

If someone is being creepy, rude or incessant, tel them you just want to be alone.

I'd hate a world where nobody in public talked to each other.

NiceGerbil · 01/08/2021 02:48

I'm super chatty and friendly!

However I've never liked it when I'm in the middle of something/ just minding my own business etc. And someone (invariably a man) strikes up s conversation in the manner that indicates it's not going to be brief. And ignores that you might be busy/ not in the mood for a chat/ social cues which indicate I'm not wanting a chat at the moment.

Eg I was once in the pub with s friend just the two of us and we are deeply involved in a quite emotional conversation.
Man comes up plunks himself down.
Evening laydeees! How's it going? That looked like a serious conversation! I'm Dave nice to meet you. And then when we looked at him incredulous and didn't respond he just. Stayed. What's your names then? Local are you? Etc etc

That happened all the bloody time!

NiceGerbil · 01/08/2021 02:49

'
If someone is being creepy, rude or incessant, tel them you just want to be alone.'

In a Marlene Dietrich voice? V good!

Plenty of men don't react well to that response as I'm sure you know.

NiceGerbil · 01/08/2021 02:53

I've actively told DDs.

That if anyone they don't know approaches them.

Even if it's just do you know how to get to X.

That they don't need to be polite. Just go.

No one asks a school kid rather than an adult for directions etc.

I wish I'd been told I didn't have to be 'kind' when I was a girl!

I imagine that's a terrible thing to say to them to many.

Don't care. When I was young, and men approached and asked something. They never just left. Ever.

Wingedharpy · 01/08/2021 02:59

One of the joys of ageing is that no bugger sees you, let alone speaks to you - not even 60 year old men.
Unless, it's to tell you to be careful with your purse!GrinGrin

BasicDad · 01/08/2021 03:07

@Wingedharpy I'd chat to ya 😀

Had a good 10 minute conversation with a 55-60 year old lady that started with an outspoken grumble (from me) about a brand of tortilla wrap looking smaller than normal today in morissons.

avamiah · 01/08/2021 03:07

@NiceGerbil,

I have told my daughter the exact same as she starts secondary school in September.

If she doesn’t know the person then they are a stranger, even if the person has a adorable dog or is carrying cute little puppies or kittens and needs help he/she is still a stranger and she has a phone for emergencies so will use it to call me or a family member .

petridishmystery · 01/08/2021 03:11

I wouldn’t like this! If I was just stood around in the queue or something where I wasn’t actively involved in doing something then whilst I wouldn’t be keen to talk to anyone (I’m not a sociable person and I can’t do small talk) I would go along with it because I don’t think it’s rude or anything but when you’re actively engaged in something and they just come and interrupt you, that’s different. At one job I used to sit on a bench and read but one of the older chaps started to sit next to me and chat for my whole lunch break, even tho I was clearly reading. I just sat somewhere else in the end. I didn’t want to spend my lunch break listening to him drone on about random stuff I wasn’t interested in. I wanted to read my book in peace. I don’t think that’s asking a lot! (And given he spent all day chatting to everyone and a lot of the convo was about his wife and kids, I don’t think I was depriving him of the only friendly convo he’d have all day or anything like that, he just loved to talk. All the time.)

avamiah · 01/08/2021 03:32

@Wingedharpy

One of the joys of ageing is that no bugger sees you, let alone speaks to you - not even 60 year old men. Unless, it's to tell you to be careful with your purse!GrinGrin
This made me smile 😃 I’m 48 and I decide who I chat to and I’m sure you do to . xx
Maggiesfarm · 01/08/2021 03:37

I don't know what you mean by 'a cafe had been done over and looking posh'.

OurMamInHavianas · 01/08/2021 03:42

@BasicDad

Eat at home or get a takeaway if you find someone "in public" talking to you annoying or offensive.

If someone is being creepy, rude or incessant, tel them you just want to be alone.

I'd hate a world where nobody in public talked to each other.

Looking at it from the other point of view If you need someone to talk to, arrange to meet a friend. Don’t expect complete strangers to entertain you.
PluggingAway · 01/08/2021 03:45

Something seems off.

Wingedharpy · 01/08/2021 03:56

When I said "joys of ageing", I meant just that.
I actually quite enjoy being invisible.
I can get up to all sorts of mischief!

QueenBee52 · 01/08/2021 04:04

@Maggiesfarm

I don't know what you mean by 'a cafe had been done over and looking posh'.

yeah I was a tad confused by this 🤣