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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Over not sharing bedroom with dsd

345 replies

Dustydolly · 31/07/2021 23:27

Don't know of I'm being a complete over reacting drama queen here or if my dp is being twatty disney dad.

10 year old Dsd has come to stay for 2 weeks, she shares a room here with her step sibling, has a bed with space for her belongings etc. But she has insisted on sleeping in a blow up bed in my and dps bedroom.

This has been happening quite a lot over the past couple of months, she's woken up in the night saying she's had a nightmare or doesn't feel too well and wants to get in our bed, personally I'm not comfortable sharing a bed with dsd so on these occasions I'll swap beds with her however tonight she has come and said she's staying in our room for the whole 2 weeks. I tried to talk to dp about this and said no, she should be sleeping in her bed and I'm not happy to sleep in a bottom bunk for 2 weeks, Well guess where I am because dsd got her way and dp has just ignored my feelings on it, I suppose it annoys me even more because if my ds (not his child) tries climbing in our bed or there's any mention of him sleeping anywhere but in his bed, in his room, dp throws a hissy fit and says absolutely not, he's in his bed and that's that.
AIBU or is he?

OP posts:

billy1966 · 01/08/2021 09:36

Very clear that he is utterly disrespectful of you and your children.

You allow him to have hissy fits about your son?

Shame on you for allowing your children to be treated like this by him.

And you want to buy a house with him🙄.

Your poor children.🙄

Naunet · 01/08/2021 09:39

I think the issue here is him and his arrogance frankly.

Firstly, why is it one rule for his daughter and another for your son? Ask him that.

Second, why does he think he’s the one who gets to make said rules? The power of the almighty penis?! Fuck that. You’re a couple, you’re equal, you set the rules together. How dare he think he gets to kick you out of your own bedroom? He’s not showing you the respect he should.

KingsOfTheWildFrontier · 01/08/2021 09:43

How are things this morning OP? She definitely should not be in your bed for 2 weeks. I don't think I would be rushing to buy a bigger house with your partner either.

MrsBungle · 01/08/2021 09:44

No way could I live with a man who allows his own child to do something that my child isn’t allowed to do. I couldn’t do that to my child.

frazzledasarock · 01/08/2021 09:45

Who owns current house?

Birkie248 · 01/08/2021 09:49

@frazzledasarock

Who owns current house?

Yes.... and how long have you been together / moved in with each other? He’s not your DH is he?

user1471538283 · 01/08/2021 09:49

If your 15 year old isnt there then your DP and his DD can sleep in there. Or something else. I absolutely would not be turfed out of my bed like a second class citizen. Nor would I buy another house with him.

WaterBottle123 · 01/08/2021 09:50

YANBU but it does sound like you can't blend families just yet. Can your DP move back to wherever he lived before until you can afford a bigger place?

TonTonMacoute · 01/08/2021 09:53

Seriously though. I would think about your future with them both. Imagine how bad she'll be in her teens if she has this much power over you now

This!

Twoforthree · 01/08/2021 09:54

@TacoSunday

Agree with previous points made. One practical solution if DSD wants to sleep in with her Dad is to buy a double blow up bed for them to sleep on in the lounge. When your DP objects, just say she’s it going to want to sleep in with him long term.

This is probably the best solution

CharityDingle · 01/08/2021 09:54

You're only back together quite a short time, I would knock this relationship on the head right now, if I were you.

feelingmehtoday · 01/08/2021 09:55

What happens at her mums? Does she co sleep there?

I'd put money on it.

PuffItsGone · 01/08/2021 09:57

@KatherineOfGaunt

Tell him that you and your DS will be in your room tonight and he and his DD can have the bunk beds? If he says no to that, ask him why is it okay for it to happen the other way round.

This!

StarryNight468 · 01/08/2021 09:58

@Ebony999 it's his job as her father to teach her to be a secure, confident happy child. He's not doing that by pandering to her demands for OPs bedroom. He's not doing that by seeking external support for her insecurities. He's displacing OP and spousifying his dd. Children feel safe when there are boundaries and they know where they belong. Ops dp hasn't managed to do that with his dd.

Nicolastuffedone · 01/08/2021 09:59

What does your son think about this? He isn’t allowed to do it but she is??

TidyDancer · 01/08/2021 10:00

You need to put your foot down with your DP about this. Yes she's 10, but this needs dealing with.

If he continues to refuse to do anything about this behaviour, it would be LTB territory for me.

I agree with a PP, what you have here is a power struggle with a child over being the primary female in the house. Her father is doing no one any favours by pandering to it.

mynameisbrian · 01/08/2021 10:02

not a chance would i be booted out of my own bed for two weeks. The fact his DD now turns up and simply places her things in your room says it all. I would be telling your DP in future he can spend his two weeks in a hotel when his DD is coming for two weekss. Or you and your DC leave them to it and go on holiday.

Iwonder08 · 01/08/2021 10:05

OP, any particular reason you are agreeing to being treated as a second class citizen in your own home? Is he paying for everything?
You, an adult woman, has been kicked out of your own bed in the middle of the night by a 10 yo..

mynameisbrian · 01/08/2021 10:09

I bet it’s. your home and your DP moved in with you from a flat share. Now his DD has free reign of your home . He is a piss taker and the fact he throws a hissy fit if your DS tries to get into your bed says it all. Tuft them both out

PurpleOkapi · 01/08/2021 10:11

Tell him that if he feels so strongly about her psychological need to be in his company all night for two weeks, he's welcome to sleep on the air mattress in the kids' room.

But before doing that, make sure there isn't some situation with her stepsiblings that's the real reason she doesn't want to sleep in a room with them.

SueSaid · 01/08/2021 10:11

'She’s quite a snowflake isn’t she'

She is 10, how awful to call a dc a snowflake when we have such few details except the op fuming over 'blow up beds'. Perhaps she is emotionally unstable who knows but again, these things are usually phases and ime sort themselves out.

Sorry if you've said op, but how long have her parents been separated? how long has he been with you, do you all get along? Does your 15yr old dd whose room your dsd is forced for share with like her and do they have a close relationship?

Give the girl a break. Dc often can't articulate their feelings and do so by controlling the few things they can. If, with separated parents, it makes her feel more secure and happy to sleep in the same room as her df I'd allow it for now.

Quartz2208 · 01/08/2021 10:14

Does he always have different rules for your children and his?

funinthesun19 · 01/08/2021 10:16

He/they both are just going to have to do all the compromising.

You shouldn’t have to vacate your bed like some second class citizen.
If he goes in the girls’ room, your 15 year old DD shouldn’t have to share her room with your DH.
Your DS shouldn’t have to move out of his room so they can use it.

A blow up bed in the lounge or a tent in the garden are their only solutions.

Lolwhat · 01/08/2021 10:18

A 10 year old girl shouldn’t be expected to share a room with a boy! I think it’s fair enough she sleeps in your room but she shouldn’t be in your bed! Maybe she’s just missed her dad?

nimbuscloud · 01/08/2021 10:19

If your 15 year old isnt there then your DP and his DD can sleep in there

So the op’s 15 year old goes to her dad’s for the weekend and her mother’s boyfriend sleeps in her bed while she is away?

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