Page 4 | AIBU to go on Holiday without DH?

kravestix · 2021-07-31T11:50:54+00:00

DH isn't interested in hot places, long flights, beaches, etc. He also isn't prepared to holiday without his kids. That's fair enough. We can't afford to take them. So if he doesn't want to go without them then I get that completely but I still want to go! We also have a DS who is 3. When he's older, I'd be quite happy to take DS on Holiday just the two of us but at the moment I think he's a bit young and it wouldn't be enjoyable for me as the only adult looking after him without a break. So, I was thinking, until DS is a bit older, I could just go on holiday on my own without DH. Then when DS is older he can come with me too. Would you do that? AIBU to do it? Would it be safe? I want to go to places like Croatia, Mauritius, Norway, Thailand, etc. It would certainly be cheaper just going on my own!

phoenixrosehere · 31/07/2021 15:32

YANBU.

I’ve gone on holidays alone because it’s the only time I can go somewhere I enjoy on my own with no interruption on what I want to do. My oldest is 6 and autistic and my youngest is almost 4. My husband wfh, I work weekends and we have no family around. The only time I’m getting to myself during these summer holidays is my commute to and from work and the day trip I have planned when we’re visiting the in-laws. My husband loves heat and beaches whereas for me it can make me physically ill especially if there is no ac. I also think being on a beach everyday is boring. I prefer city breaks, and places I can walk and hike around and our children are too young for most of it and I can’t take either boys or husband to museums, do a bit of window shopping or anything without having to have constant food and bathroom breaks or I have to deal with three hangry males. 🙄

My husband has the option to go off on his own holiday and chooses not too even though I have suggested it countless times. His idea of a vacation is sitting around by a beach and pool and eating whereas you me, that can easily be done at home so rather not do that as my holiday.

I’ve come back more refreshed afterwards of having that time to myself.

Original poster

kravestix · 31/07/2021 15:34

Oh, and he doesn't want to stay anywhere that's more than an hour from the airport. Hour max.

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Zaragirl84 · 31/07/2021 15:37

No doubt I'll be flamed for this, but it sounds like you married the wrong man.

You want fancy holidays he wants a caravan in the UK. He already had 4 kids that he can't afford to take on holiday but yet had more. I can understand why he wouldn't want to jet of somewhere nice with his new family leaving his poor dc behind.

You can of course do as you please, but this doesn't seem to bode well for the future.

Window1 · 31/07/2021 15:37

@kravestix

Oh, and he doesn't want to stay anywhere that's more than an hour from the airport. Hour max.

There's quite a few places you could go in Spain and Portugal with about a 30min transfer. If you go May/October time it will be warm enough but not too hot. Could that be a compromise between you and your husband?

Embracelife · 31/07/2021 15:40

How many other kids does dh have?
How old are they?

Zaragirl84 · 31/07/2021 15:40

I can just imagine your Dhs scenario in reverse as a woman.

I've got 5 dc, 4 with ex dh and 1 with new dh. Aibu to leave the 4 eldest with their dad while I go to Mauritius with dh and youngest dc? We can't afford to take them all and new dh really wants to go. He says if I don't leave my 4 eldest at home he will just go alone.

Yeah, right

Kazziek · 31/07/2021 15:41

I have been with my DH for 30+ years, we have fundamentally different ideas of holidays! We have always done a family holiday plus each of us has had a short break either alone or with kids to do our own idea of fun. I can't begin to understand why others wouldn't, if their finances allow. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you have to give up everything you enjoy or subsume yourself entirely to your kids

ineedaholidaynow · 31/07/2021 15:41

I always think solo holidays, trips with your mates etc should be in addition to not instead of family holidays. It would appear from OP that she could use savings for a holiday for herself, but that would mean no money left for a family holiday. Surely, a family holiday should come first, and anything left over could be used for a mini break for the OP. And as a blended family is involved that should include DSC as well,

If this was a man and he said he didn't like the idea of a holiday which would not be his favoured choice of place, so decided that he would blow all the family holiday money so he could go on a solo trip to Thailand I'm sure that would not go down well on here.

Firstwelive · 31/07/2021 15:42

Do it! Something very liberating and introspective about holidays alone

I did it before pre kids and now every year he takes the kids abroad without me. People find us strange but we are happily married and found ways to live together and get over our opposing taste of what constitutes a holiday.

It should be safe if you stick to tourist destinations and spots and take common sense precautions. Or you can always join a group activity holiday (can be yoga retreat etc)

phoenixrosehere · 31/07/2021 15:47

I can't begin to understand why others wouldn't, if their finances allow. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you have to give up everything you enjoy or subsume yourself entirely to your kids.

Exactly. Not surprisingly so many couples end up resentful of each other.

Original poster

kravestix · 31/07/2021 15:58

Just spoken to DH again to find out his exact feelings. Using Thailand as an example he said it is somewhere he would like to visit. He'd like to visit a lot of places but in his mind it isn't a family or kid friendly place. He thinks we should be going on holiday at those places that have like chalets, with water parks and funfairs or whatever. Like that holiday park in the Netherlands. In his mind, a holiday should be all about fun fun fun for the kids and not what Mum and Dad wants. I don't really agree. As a Kid I'd have loved it if my parents had taken me somewhere like Thailand. I think it's great for kids to be able to see lots of different places around the world and yes have fun but it shouldn't just be all about kids fun and splash parks iyswim?

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ineedaholidaynow · 31/07/2021 15:59

Don’t think finances do allow unless they don’t do a family holiday with all the children

Kalvinette · 31/07/2021 15:59

Sounds like you both have very different priorities and visions that surely cant be limited to just how you see holidays?

icedcoffees · 31/07/2021 16:01

@Zaragirl84

I can just imagine your Dhs scenario in reverse as a woman.

I've got 5 dc, 4 with ex dh and 1 with new dh. Aibu to leave the 4 eldest with their dad while I go to Mauritius with dh and youngest dc? We can't afford to take them all and new dh really wants to go. He says if I don't leave my 4 eldest at home he will just go alone.

Yeah, right

But her husband doesn't want to go anyway, so it's not the same scenario as you're trying to portray it as.

loosingmymarbles · 31/07/2021 16:02

@Looubylou

I'll get shot down in flames for saying this, but as a parent I find your attitude a bit selfish. My dc would be gutted if I left him at home for a week to go holiday, and I know I'm not just blowing my own trumpet. 🏃‍♀️🔥

I totally agree. Iv just taken all 3 of mine to Spain, 2 are disabled and I'd feel such guilt if I left them to sun myself up and be alone. Couldn't consider this what so ever sorry op. Do think your attitude is very selfish as though you resent having a child and would rather travel

Original poster

kravestix · 31/07/2021 16:02

@Kalvinette

Sounds like you both have very different priorities and visions that surely cant be limited to just how you see holidays?

Correct! I reckon it's always me compromising and DH always gets things his way. He reckons it's the other way round.

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icedcoffees · 31/07/2021 16:05

@kravestix

Just spoken to DH again to find out his exact feelings. Using Thailand as an example he said it is somewhere he would like to visit. He'd like to visit a lot of places but in his mind it isn't a family or kid friendly place. He thinks we should be going on holiday at those places that have like chalets, with water parks and funfairs or whatever. Like that holiday park in the Netherlands. In his mind, a holiday should be all about fun fun fun for the kids and not what Mum and Dad wants. I don't really agree. As a Kid I'd have loved it if my parents had taken me somewhere like Thailand. I think it's great for kids to be able to see lots of different places around the world and yes have fun but it shouldn't just be all about kids fun and splash parks iyswim?

I think this puts a different spin on things and I actually don't think it would be very fair to go without your DH in this scenario.

When you have children, holidays do tend to be focused on them. I suspect the kids will be far happier going to a holiday park-type place with access to swimming pools, activities and beaches - you can still explore outside of that, but at least you have a child-friendly base with things they'll enjoy.

Places like that often have holiday clubs too, so you can leave the DC for a day and go out and enjoy some time as a couple. It doesn't have to be all about the kids.

Original poster

kravestix · 31/07/2021 16:05

I don't resent my child. Rude. But equally, I'm perfectly entitled to time by myself outside of being a parent. My life revolves around my DS 24/7 I don't think it's unreasonable to want some time to myself. And I already said I'd be happy to take DS with me provided I had access to some kind of kids club so I could just grab a few hours to myself occasionally.

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Zaragirl84 · 31/07/2021 16:05

Op holidays don't have to fully centred around amusement parks, you're right. But you can't afford to take the dc anyway.

Surely that's half the point. You cannot afford to take the dc on the type of holiday that you would like.

Original poster

kravestix · 31/07/2021 16:06

DH has said he wouldn't use kids clubs. He doesn't trust them.

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Bluntness100 · 31/07/2021 16:07

@sweeneytoddsrazor

Well who would be paying for the holiday. If its your own personal money fair enough. If it is family money then no you should be looking at something you could both do along with his children

What’s this weird obsession with “family money”. Who the fuck wants a relationship where you can’t spend money you earn as you please after bills are paid.

Bbq1 · 31/07/2021 16:07

@Looubylou

I'll get shot down in flames for saying this, but as a parent I find your attitude a bit selfish. My dc would be gutted if I left him at home for a week to go holiday, and I know I'm not just blowing my own trumpet. 🏃‍♀️🔥

I agree 100%.

vivainsomnia · 31/07/2021 16:10

So there's £200 a month for holidays. That's about £30 per heads (as 3 year old would need to pay for flights and probably accommodation). You get £360 annually to go wherever you want (good luck finding somewhere) and he gets over £2K to take 5 kids to a caravan holiday.

Sees fair enough to me.

Original poster

kravestix · 31/07/2021 16:10

@Zaragirl84

Op holidays don't have to fully centred around amusement parks, you're right. But you can't afford to take the dc anyway.

Surely that's half the point. You cannot afford to take the dc on the type of holiday that you would like.

I can afford to take my DC. Just not DHs. I mean, I can afford to take my child. Why should he miss out because DH can't afford to take his children? And equally why should I miss out?

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thenewduchessofhastings · 31/07/2021 16:10

Ah yes let's all shoot the evil stepmother again 🙄

If the OP want to spend her money on taking her child on holiday then she can.

Her DH has 4 kids.I have 4 kids and have never been able to afford a foreign holiday;it's too expensive for 6 so us so how the OP is expected to afford for 7 of them to go abroad I don't know.