AIBU to go on Holiday without DH?

[kravestix]

DH isn't interested in hot places, long flights, beaches, etc. He also isn't prepared to holiday without his kids. That's fair enough. We can't afford to take them. So if he doesn't want to go without them then I get that completely but I still want to go! We also have a DS who is 3. When he's older, I'd be quite happy to take DS on Holiday just the two of us but at the moment I think he's a bit young and it wouldn't be enjoyable for me as the only adult looking after him without a break.

So, I was thinking, until DS is a bit older, I could just go on holiday on my own without DH. Then when DS is older he can come with me too.

Would you do that? AIBU to do it? Would it be safe? I want to go to places like Croatia, Mauritius, Norway, Thailand, etc. It would certainly be cheaper just going on my own!

I'd go alone. Why shouldn't you have a holiday? Assuming of course that you can afford it and afford for your husband to take his own break and the three of you to enjoy a family holiday.
You are allowed to do something now and again that is just for you you know, and you don't need to feel guilty.

My husband takes our kids away every year and I get a week of blissful silence and cereal for dinner 😁 then he goes away on his own, books into a hotel and drinks far too much.

You have to balance everyone's needs and wants not keep yourself at the bottom of the pile.

I don't think OP's DH is dull if he doesn't want to go on holiday without his kids and not everyone likes long haul, hot sun and beaches.

Usually if an OP posted and said her DH wouldn't holiday without his DC's posters would be praising him rather than calling him dull.

If an OP posted that they couldn't afford to have a holiday with her 4 kids so her DH wanted to travel alone to go snorkelling to Norway, Mauritius, Thailand he would be told to jog on.

YANBU to want a holiday but I would say YABU to want to spend family money on an expensive holiday alone which could easily cost more than a family holiday. Especially when you said you can't afford a family holiday.

@kravestix

My biggest worry is being a woman travelling alone.

Having done it on numerous occasions I highly recommend it. It’s brilliant not having to please anyone but yourself.

@pinkcircustop, @1forAll74, @Viviennemary since when does becoming a mother mean we have to sacrifice our autonomy? And what's wrong with "me time"? It's needed, any mental health professional will tell you that.

Dh and I had separate holidays every year...he liked golf/ cricket tours and I didn't 😀
We also had a week with the dcs somewhere. Nothing wrong with going away on your own.

So many martyrs on this thread.

Go with a reputable singles travel company like Just You.

@pinkcircustop

I think YABU. You’re being selfish and all me me me. You’re not a single woman, you have a family.

But up to now the DH as been very selfish and the OP has gone along with it. How many years does it have to go on that his wishes take priority over OP's?

Ive taken mine on holiday on my own. And yes used a kids club a couple of times to read in peace etc. They loved it and wanted to go every day! Its usually a session of 3 hours or so and still lots and lots of time for lovely family experiences.

If your husband is so inflexible i see you have no choice.

In all the time we have been together we have been on one holiday together and one as a family. We haven't been able to afford to go since. However things have changed again and now we can afford to budget £200 a month for a holiday. We can't afford for all of us to go on £200 a month.

I've done both- on my own with a toddler and with a friend, leaving the DC's with dp.

No reason not to

@pinkcircustop

I think YABU. You’re being selfish and all me me me. You’re not a single woman, you have a family.

So? That doesn't mean they're joined at the bloody hip.

Save for a little longer and you will be able to afford to go together. Seems unfair to use family money just for your holiday.

Travelling alone is amazing! I’ve been to Egypt, Turkey, Sri Lanka and Greece for beach holidays alone (although did travel round SL) and had a brilliant, relaxing time. Sleeping, swimming, reading, snorkelling and sunbathing on repeat. Bloody marvellous. Go!

Absolutely would go ! Is thr 3yr old at nursery in the day if he is working ?

Two thoughts;

does he get equivalent money to fritter ( as he will see it ) out of the shared pot

Does he get the same “ time off “

I mean if he has the “ mumsnet man hobby “ what ever that is (people never say ) that takes up several days a month and costs money it’s probably a very fair exchange.

If you've got £200 per month as your holiday budget then you just save it for a couple of years and then take everyone on holiday. You're being disingenuous to suggest you can't afford for the 4 step kids to come on holiday.

I don't see why people are calling the OPS husband dull just because he doesn't want to travel long haul to sit on a beach. There are lots of amazing holiday destinations in Europe.

[quote Kalvinette]www.singleparentsonholiday.co.uk/[/quote]
I thought that might be more aimed at matchmaking for people without a partner...

@1forAll74

I wouldn't leave anyone behind regarding a holiday when you have a child, it's a family holiday, and I wouldn't be thinking about the so called Me time thing.

What about mental health etc etc. Maybe some people need a break on their own to recover from the stresses of having a family?

@Viviennemary

No. It eould bd thd beginning of the end. You might as well split up now.

Why do you think this? Maybe the partner wouldn't actually mind? Absence makes the heart grow fonder

No. It eould bd thd beginning of the end. You might as well split up now.

Asinine in the extreme. We don’t all live in each others’ pockets. We’ve had separate holidays for the whole of our 21 year (and counting) marriage.

Do you not have any friends you can go on holiday with?

I have been on holiday on my own, with just my DC, and with friends since being single. All great.

beginning of the end 😅😅😅

Just because OP has a family now doesn't mean she should never have a solo trip??

Not like DH wasn't invited, she says hes not fussed about going to hot locations. If everyone is happy then why shouldn't she go?

You're still your own person outside of your children & partner and absolutely should do things you enjoy. Not doing so is how resentment builds.

To answer some questions.
No, DH doesn't really have a hobby. He goes to work and spends time with his kids. Does some DIY and that's pretty much it. Though, we do spend £60 a month paying to rent a space out for one of DHs old hobbies that he no longer does due to lack of time and money.

And yeah, we could save the £200 a month and go every 3 years or something, that would mean we could all go. But tbh, I don't want to wait that long.

I remember before suggesting somewhere and DH said no because there was 110 mins coach transfer to the resort from Airport. He doesn't like beaches. Wants to be somewhere he can drive and has a car. Doesn't want anything too hot. He tolerated South of France but can't see him going further than that. I think he's more of a caravan type resort with a water park type of place. Won't go without his kids. Wouldn't use a kids club for DS so we could have our own time.

@Viviennemary

No. It eould bd thd beginning of the end. You might as well split up now.

Goodness me, is your marriage really that precarious?