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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go on Holiday without DH?

276 replies

kravestix · 31/07/2021 12:50

DH isn't interested in hot places, long flights, beaches, etc. He also isn't prepared to holiday without his kids. That's fair enough. We can't afford to take them. So if he doesn't want to go without them then I get that completely but I still want to go! We also have a DS who is 3. When he's older, I'd be quite happy to take DS on Holiday just the two of us but at the moment I think he's a bit young and it wouldn't be enjoyable for me as the only adult looking after him without a break.

So, I was thinking, until DS is a bit older, I could just go on holiday on my own without DH. Then when DS is older he can come with me too.

Would you do that? AIBU to do it? Would it be safe? I want to go to places like Croatia, Mauritius, Norway, Thailand, etc. It would certainly be cheaper just going on my own!

OP posts:
Augtwo · 31/07/2021 16:35

I think 3 is a lovely age to start going on holiday. For the first time OP I would trial some where like Spain if just you and your DS go. He's not too young you just need to plan your holiday properly. Look into family life hotels with things like a kids club and a water park to keep him busy.

Zaragirl84 · 31/07/2021 16:37

Does the other 4 dcs mum take them abroad or anywhere nice on holiday?

I can understand your frustration at not wanting to miss out because it sounds as though you may never afford to all go away together somewhere really nice.

But I think it's completely understandable your dh not wanting to go without his dc.

Jerseygirl12 · 31/07/2021 16:38

I think going on a £1200 holiday with your DC is the fairest way of doing it if your DH is putting lots of restrictions in place regarding where you can go and what sort of holiday he thinks you should all go on.

Augtwo · 31/07/2021 16:42

@thenewduchessofhastings

Ah yes let's all shoot the evil stepmother again 🙄

If the OP want to spend her money on taking her child on holiday then she can.

Her DH has 4 kids.I have 4 kids and have never been able to afford a foreign holiday;it's too expensive for 6 so us so how the OP is expected to afford for 7 of them to go abroad I don't know.

I agree and I'm not a step mother nor have I ever been one. I think some people are loosing sight of reality. Things cannot be equal when a family splits up unfortunately.

Ops DH children have a mother and she may or may not take them on holiday.... it's not a competition otherwise it would be endless!

vivainsomnia · 31/07/2021 16:47

Sorry, I can't actually see the relevance of this and I really can't see £2400 funding a bearable holiday for 7 people. But as you asked DH brings in 2k and I bring in £750 a month
You want your cake and eat it then. You rely on both income to be treated as joint as family money, yet you think you should have half of the holiday fund just for yourself and the rest of the family to share the rest.

And you can't see how that is selfish? How about he tells you that you can go 50/50 when you bring half of the money. You plan to leave your 3yo to him for a week, so he is clearly able to help with childcare. So go to work FT, keep your money after the share of bills and do what you want with what's left.

vivainsomnia · 31/07/2021 16:49

If the OP want to spend her money on taking her child on holiday then she can
But it's not OP's money. She contributes 1/3rd, so it's family income she thinks should all be spent on her only!

ineedaholidaynow · 31/07/2021 16:55

Maybe the holiday money should be split on the basis of how many are going, so the £200 per month split roughly into 7ths. Is the £200 per month simply for holidays or all your savings?

BackforGood · 31/07/2021 17:01

I'd love for us to all go on holiday. But we can't afford it so.

Well, you can, but just not to the places you dream of.
Oddly, that is the situation for most people you know.
I'd love to go on a safari, but I've not been, as it's never been within our family budget.
I'd love to go to a catered villa in the Caribbean, but I've never been, as that isn't in our family budget.
I'd love to go to the Norwegian Fjords, but I've never been as that isn't in our family budget.

However, we've had loads of fun on holidays that we can afford (and for a LOT less than £2400) since we had our first dc 25 years ago.

What you have to do is start from your budget, and then decide where - within that budget - you would like to holiday, rather than dreaming of exotic holidays then trying to justify spending money you haven't go on them.

ineedaholidaynow · 31/07/2021 17:09

Exactly @BackforGood, DH and I went on mini breaks, fancy holidays before DC came along, and we had to change the number and type of holidays we went on. Just the way it is. If you can afford those type of holidays still that is brilliant but it shouldn’t be at the expense of a family holiday

IceLace100 · 31/07/2021 17:14

@kravestix

My biggest worry is being a woman travelling alone.
This is defo a consideration.

However I have to say I've encountered more scary experiences here in Britain than abroad!!!

All the places you have listed are pretty safe. Same safety rules will apply as if you were in a city here.

If you're feeling anxious, a money belt is good for hiding passports, cash and cards whilst on the move.

Life is too short to live in fear. Good luck OP!

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2021 17:15

Really surprised at some of the outrage people are showing on here, thr op ans her husband are more than able to decide how to manage their finances, if he’s not concerned about the money I’ve no idea why some posters are frothing at the mouth,

crapbuttrue · 31/07/2021 17:17

First sentence of OP's post, "DH isn't interested in hot places, long flights, beaches, etc."

So why can't she go on a beach holiday on her own/with DS?

nonotmenotI · 31/07/2021 17:19

I take my kids away on holiday myself when my husbands away at work and have done since the youngest was a few weeks old.

It's honestly fine. Swimming, parks, the beach, take or buy a ball and take some toys and your child will have a great time.

If you're going abroad, there's holiday clubs for that age group for a couple of hours a day so you get time to yourself and your child will be entertained.

Original poster
kravestix · 31/07/2021 17:24

DH is looking at the Eurocamps now for all of us but it's still not doable but he doesn't realise that yet. It's like £1500 for the lodge at a minimum, then add food, flights for 7 people, insurance, etc. And we've well exceeded our budget. And tbh, I want to go further than France.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 31/07/2021 17:25

But her DH does want to go on holiday just a different sort of holiday. It is not therefore showing outrage to suggest its unfair of her to spend their holiday budget on her self and their joint child. Nothing wrong at all with her having her choice of holiday as long as Dh can have his as well.

ineedaholidaynow · 31/07/2021 17:26

I think the issue is OP wants to go on holiday to places like Thailand/Mauritius which they couldn’t afford to take all the children to, but doesn’t seem willing to compromise and go on a holiday with the whole family. If they save £2,400 for 2 years they could go on a holiday for the whole family, rather than OP doing a holiday just for herself and possibly DS

ineedaholidaynow · 31/07/2021 17:28

But if you save for 2 years @kravestix you probably would be able to afford Eurocamp (but you would have to forego Thailand) which is what many families do

Jerseygirl12 · 31/07/2021 17:29

kravestix Eurocamps are fab, food doesn’t need to cost much more than at home and could some of you fly and some drive? That’s what my DF did who has a big family.

Original poster
kravestix · 31/07/2021 17:33

So, I don't want to go to a Eurovamp in France, DH doesn't want to go to Thailand. What's the compromise?

OP posts:
Skiptheheartsandflowers · 31/07/2021 17:33

No problem with either parent having separate holidays, but there is a very 'never the twain shall meet' feeling about it here. Most families or couples do have to compromise over holidays and also accept that while their kids are young, holidays have to be pretty child-orientated. If you really don't like anything similar in the way of holidays, would you not be able to agree to do your preferred holiday one year and his the next?

With the kids' clubs, you might find the sessions are pretty short for 3 year olds. It will vary, but some places will only offer 1 or 1.5 hours which does give you a break, but not a lot of time to actually do activities yourself.

You said your DH wouldn't use kids' clubs. But he knows, presumably, that's what you plan to do if you and DS went on holiday? How does he feel about that?

ineedaholidaynow · 31/07/2021 17:34

The compromise is something you can all afford as a family, and if you have children what they will enjoy too

DeathStare · 31/07/2021 17:34

If you are a family of 7 and you both contribute equally to the holiday pot, then it's actually £29ish a month each, not £100 for you and £100 for your DH. So is you and your DS wanted to go away separately then your budget is £696.

DeathStare · 31/07/2021 17:36

@kravestix

So, I don't want to go to a Eurovamp in France, DH doesn't want to go to Thailand. What's the compromise?
You chose to become part of a family of 7. You can't afford Thailand unless you save up for a few years.
sweeneytoddsrazor · 31/07/2021 17:37

The compromise if you can't agree on a joint holiday is separate holidays with the budget split, not you having all of it.

ohthatbloodycat · 31/07/2021 17:37

Resort with a kid's club is your best option.